Heavenly Family thought to be tampering with NFL, NBA Games

-Pearly Gates

                Say it isn’t so. The NFL, NBA and Pete Rose are cooperating with Federal Agencies in an investigation that most experts and legal analysts believe points straight to the heavens.  

Federal Agents believe that “Divinity”, as they call themselves, is an organized family lead by the God “Father”. Jesus Christ, his son, acts as his right hand man. The authorities are also interested in an unidentified party known only as “The Holy Ghost”.

Ghost’s activities and involvement are hard to trace. Holy Ghost is rarely seen and those few that have, are usually never heard from again. Roger Goodell said he believes Ghost’s actions are evident in situations where the seemingly impossible occur.

The Immaculate Reception is an excellent example of both the action and audacity this group has.They even named the event after Jesus’ own birth.  The Music City Miracle, The Drive, heck they even have a chant spoken in a circle that is thought to invoke these types of events. One man says “Hail Mary on two” and the other ten say “Break.”

The NFL is taking action. Recently NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stated that the NFL will pay special attention to in game celebrations and review recent game tape to indentify players and gestures to watch for.

There wasn’t thought to be a connection until Kurt Warner brazenly brandished it in our face after winning the Super Bowl. Warner grabbed hold of the Lombardi Trophy, threw his head back, pointed at the sky and..I believe the quote went something like “Thank you Jesuuuuuus!!” 

Apparently the League officials and authorities took that as a slap in the face and the hunt was on. 

"There have been some suspected things we've seen," said Milt Ahlerich, the league's vice president of security. "When we see it, we quietly jump on it immediately, directly with the team and the player or employee involved to cease and desist. Period."

Gestures such as drawing an imaginary cross on their chest or pointing to the sky while kneeling down are indicative of those affiliated with such organizations.

Mike Pereira NFL Vice President of Officiating said the experts take those factors into account and are very thorough when investigating gestures that appear suspicious. They are on the lookout for "symbols, clothing, jewelry or other items that would signify an association with criminal gang enterprises," Ahlerich said.

Experts from all over the country are reportedly going to analyze player and referee behavior on an ongoing basis.

The NBA became involved during the investigation of Tim Donaghy.

After Tim Donaghy’s phone records were investigated, the Feds shifted their focus to his praying records. According to a Federal report, there was a “significant amount” of communication between Donaghy and the “Almighty”.  

David Stern, who insisted that Donaghy was a “rogue, isolated criminal” acting on his own, may be under scrutiny again.

While acknowledging that he wasn't "into the etymology of gestures," NBA Commissioner David Stern took immediate action after league officials examined the records.

Donaghy’s prayer activity certainly coincides conveniently with the criminal activity timeline. Usually five or ten minutes before and after the games he would call Jesus. No transcripts were made available but there certainly seem to be ties.

Donaghy has been in contact with Jesus or one of his “Disciples” as recently as July 11^th, 2008. Again, coincidentally, the same day he was scheduled for sentencing, the sentencing was later postponed.

Earlier this month, the NBA announced the hiring of General Ronald L. Johnson to head the league’s officiating program. General Johnson, a two-star General, recently retired from active duty as Deputy Commanding General of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

Pete Rose is standing by his "Jesus made me do it" defense.

This could be a dead end or just the tip of the iceberg. If there are ties to the “Divinity Family” the repercussions are limitless as it seems they have their hands in a lot of pies.