Jose Canseco Is "Rotted Inside Out"

Infamous whistle blower, and 1988 AL MVP, Jose Canseco was knocked out Saturday night by former professional football player Vai Sikahema at Bennie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City during a celebrity boxing match.

Sikahema, 45, who was an amateur Golden Gloves champion during his youth, before he starred on the gridiron, put Canseco, 44, out of his misery only one minute and 37 seconds into the first round.

Following the massacre, the "Tongan Terror" was asked if he was surprised by any aspect of his fight with the Material Girl's previous boy-toy. "That it didn't finish in the first 30 seconds," said Sikahema, who is seven inches shorter and 43 pounds lighter than Canseco.

Prior to the donnybrook, Sikahema warned the admitted steroid abuser that his size wouldn't compensate for his lack of skills in the ring. "Don't even think your size is going to matter," cautioned the onetime running back and kick returner. "I'm going to kick your ass. I'm going to chop you down."

"We'll see bro," responded Canseco, his eyes shifting side-to-side like a paranoid crackhead on a Baltimore street corner.

Canseco received $30,000 for his disgusting imitation of pugilism, and Sikahema was compensated $25,000—$5,000 of which he's donating to the widow of a Philadelphia police sergeant killed in the line of duty earlier this year.

"Canseco's fighting for the money, but I'm fighting for a cause," noted the compassionate scrapper. "In boxing, that means something."

In the long run, because of his scandalous book Juiced, Canseco will always mean something to the world of sports.

Nevertheless, he is still a deplorable and miserable excuse for a human being.

"He's rotted inside out," Sikahema observed. "He's a pathetic figure."

"Like a Prayer", lets hope this past weekend is the last we hear of the washed-up Bash Brother.