The 2008 ASAS (PG 13 Version): Part 1

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The Red Carpet is out indeed friends as the 2008 edition of the Assholes in Sports Awards Show kicks off in front of a moderately attended viewing audience  behind what looks to be a local HEB.  All the pageantry and comrodory that usually goes hand in hand with beauty pageants and celebrity trials is in full effect tonight.

 Let's not fool ourselves though, this is not about debating sports and beating tired subjects into the ground. We're throwing all of that out because the fact of the matter is tonight is a special night friends, in which assholes, young and old in the great genre of sports can congregate and be credited and appreciated for their hard work throughout the year. 

 As Isiah Thomas looks to be paying full admission at the ticket gate (who invited him anyway?) we head to Guest Public Address Announcer currently of the Los Angeles Lakers, Lawrence Tanner who will be starting our festivities.

Welcome to the First Annual Asshole in Sports Awards Show.  If you are standing, go ahead and sit down.  Yes tonight we pay homage to all the ladies and gentlemen in organized sports that seem to not get the credit they rightfully deserve.  It is quite easy for people to pick on the T.O.'s, the Ron Artest's, and the Barry Bond's of the world.  But only here do we break down all the variables that make up what the panel deems a "true" asshole and award the little guys.  With no further delay

The Tyson Memorial Tattoo Award
The Tyson Memorial Tattoo Award has to go to Jason Giambi of the New York Yankees.  Is there any reason that Derek Jeter didn't slap some sense into Jason Giambi the very first time at breakfast he mentioned the concept of "If I look like Wade Boggs, maybe I'll hit like him".. perhaps he thought Giambi was joking.

The madness for Giambi's sudden idea that a mustache in the middle of the summer would look as cool as teammates Johnny Damon's caveman locks in Boston did at one point time is ludicrous.  You could just imagine Giambi in the clubhouse trying to sell this idea to his teammates, and everyone looking around scared and nervous to tell him he looks like a fool? I'm sorry but two type of guys wear mustaches with no goatee.. cops and assholes.

On a side note,  just when the Yankees had succeeded in making every fan outside of New York detest them for their payroll and incessant television coverage and high quality equipment.  The rich get richer by going and investing in what seems to be the results that only a  time machine can produce.  Seriously when I was watching the Yankees earlier this week vs. the Rangers, Jason Giambi stood out like a sore thumb, he looked like he had definitely been toying around with ol' Doc Brown, but had left the timer on too long and the mustache was a terrible by product of the experiment...   only time will tell how long this fad will carry on.