Matt Holliday Merchandise Options for Cardinals Fans

On Tuesday, the St. Louis Cardinals ownership ponied up some serious quan to ensure that Matt Holliday is hitting behind Albert Pujols (hopefully) for the next 7 years – which means fans of the red and white can now confidently run to their local sporting goods store and be the first on their block to proclaim an all-out man crush for the latest Redbird.

However, we encourage fellow members of Cardinals Nation to think outside the box when showing support for Holliday through expensive merchandise. We have other options, people.

Let’s take a gander at a few…

A Holiday Sweater

Don’t pack away that hideous wool Christmas sweater from Grandma, just yet. The Cardinals provided you with a much cheaper option than a standard Cardinals replica jersey. Hell, go wild. Get “HOLLIDAY 15″ embroidered on the back of this puppy and you have yourself some stylish game attire that will also be relevant in the winter off-season.

Win-win.

Old Jim Edmonds Cardinals Jerseys

Maybe rockin’ a Christmas sweater in the middle of St. Louis July heat isn’t your thing.  Hater.  For you, we have another idea; old Jim Edmonds Cardinals jerseys….the last St. Louis player to wear #15.  Half of St. Louis bought them anyway after his signature HR in the 2004 NLCS suddenly made his pretentious demeanor acceptable.  If you don’t own a Jim Edmonds jersey, head out to eBay and pick one up for a $14.99 Buy-It-Now price, plus free shipping.

Now, head out to your local sporting goods shop and have them replace “EDMONDS” with “HOLLIDAY” for a fraction cost of a spanking new personalized jersey.

Madonna’s “Immaculate Conception” Album

Look no further than Track #1 on this puppy. “Holiday”. Rock it.

Sure, it was released in 1983 and you’re bound to look like a fairy, but its guaranteed to be the song that’s played by every major news outlet in their pre, mid, and post season highlights reels of the new Cardinals slugger. Jump aboard the train before it’s “hip”.

Seriously, do it. It would be…well, it would be so nice.

A Pistol Pete Replica Head

Matt Holliday is from Stillwater, Oklahoma.  Apparently, he was also recruited to play quarterback at Oklahoma State, but chose to sign with the Colorado Rockies out of high school. What a stud muffin.  Nevertheless, Holliday is a steadfast Oklahoma State supporter.   Cowboys baby!!!  Yeah.  Orange and black !!

If rockin’ a Pistol Pete head in the left field bleachers of Busch Stadium doesn’t catch his eye, nothing will.

Bald Caps

Crazy “Pistol Pete” man might be the new leader of right field bleacher chants, but one craze that’s bound to sweep through Busch Stadium is the usage of bald caps.  Sure, it makes your head look insanely disproportionate, but the shaved look is Holliday’s signature attribute.  That’s his thing.

Los Angeles Dodgers fans rock the fake dreadlocks to support Manny.  We’ll rock the converse; no hair at all.  A sea of screaming bald heads.  It’ll be like we’re fans from the future.

Customized Jock Strap

This is an opportunity to make light of a horrific, horrific situation…but also teach the youngsters the importance of appropriate family jewel protection.  And really, that’s what it’s all about these days; the kids.  Well, that and the well-being of Matt Holliday’s package, which you can show your support for by purchasing a customized jock strap…and wearing it outside your pants, of course.

Why buy something customized and wear it underneath your clothes?  Now that just wouldn’t make sense.

Colonel Sanders Costume

Holliday’s preference for at-bat music is the Zac Brown Band’s “Chicken Fried” – which contains then epic lyric, “You know I like my chicken fried….Cold beer on a Friday night….and a pair of jeans that fit just right.”

I don’t know about you or Matt Holliday, but when I think “Chicken Fried”…I think Colonel Sanders.  It just works.

Trust me, people.

HOLLIDAY 69 Jersey

Number 69 is the most versatile number in the personalized jersey kingdom.

We know that…Beavis and Butthead know that….every 4th grader knows that…and you should know that.

If all other lines of creativity fails…invest in something failsafe, my friends.  Number 69.

It’s hilarious.

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