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Dear Yearlong NFL fan,
I’m not sure if you’re aware or not, but the NFL season ended in February, and it doesn’t really start again until September.
I would understand if you got excited in August, considering that’s when most fantasy leagues draft and the whole ‘preseason’ business begins. And I’ll even let it slide when you watch the whole two-day coverage of the NFL Draft in April and then proceed to tell me all about it on Monday.
But seriously, it’s June. The NBA finals, the Stanley Cup finals, and baseball are all (or were) going on right now. Your sport’s offseason does not take precedence over another sport's regular season, let along the f*%#@ finals.
Please spare me the ten-minute segments on SportsCenter about TO being on some obscure drug-testing list. I DON’T CARE. SHOW ME A WEB GEM OR GARNETT DUNKING ON SOMEONE! Hell, I’d settle for Ronny Turiaf.
Why is NFL live on at all right now? I don’t care that the Bills released some third-year, second-string defensive end that no one has ever heard of. And I certainly don’t care what Trey Wingo thinks about the running back situation in Chicago. You know when I’ll care about it? Well, never because the Bears suck. But even if it was a team I liked, I won’t care until I’m planning on drafting a (albeit losing) fantasy team in August.
I understand if you don’t like baseball (Read: I understand you’re intellectually stunted and emotionally immature), but there are plenty of sports to go around*.
I’d even stop making fun of soccer if you would just shut the hell up about the Panther’s secondary weaknesses. And if the only sport you like is football, I have a few suggestions for you.
Go Outside. Go for a walk, ride a bike, or I don’t know, put down your Miller High Life and interact with your spouse and/or kids. You could even throw a football around with your kid and realize why you started watching sports rather than playing them.
Read a Book. Yes, there is a purpose for written language other than an opinion piece about where Sean Alexander will end up playing next season. Start with something easy that most people read when they were in eighth grade (your assumed reading comprehension level).
Kill yourself. You are either too dumb to like another sport or too boring for anyone to interact with. Do the rest of society a favor and ram your temple into the corner of your desk.
No matter how much the NFL tries to draw out their coverage, I will not tolerate the absolute ignorance that is the yearlong NFL fan.
New rule: If it isn’t August through February, or the Draft, you are not allowed to watch, talk about, or blog about the NFL. If you break this law, you should be forced to watch the LPGA or the WNBA for more than fifteen minutes. Harsh, I know, but something drastic has to be done.
*Note: MMA does not count as an alternative to the NFL. Kimbo Slice is not an athlete.
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4 months ago
That was really, really funny. And I am one of those "year round" guys you are talking about. Let's face it, football is a far superior sport compared to any other sport, in most every way. Luckily, by your standards, I like to read, excercise and socialize. I still like to play baseball but the pain of watching it reminds me of watching golf or bowling or running. All cool sports or athletic endeavors----to play yourself, not watch others play. I bet you like Nascar too huh? Football is one of the few sports that carries every dynamic you can ask for and so is much more fun too watch and be interested in. NFL football also showcases THE most superior atheletes in most EVERY regard, on this planet. That simple.
from 4 months ago
Nascar? Egads no. I'd rather gouge my eyes out and drive a nail through my scrotum.
Also, the most superior athletes are probably boxers. Pound for pound they are the ones who can go the longest and the hardest. I'd hardly call a 380 lb offensive lineman a "superior athlete."
I think the best gauge for the most athletic is how easily they excel in another sport. The average professional boxer is agile, powerful and has great hand eye coordination and would probably excel in a lot of sports. Baseball, hockey, basketball and even soccer are all close together. Football players would too if you said "everyone except lineman" but it doesn't work that way
from 3 months ago
Joshua is full of shit. Football sucks as a game but excels as a beer commercial. I'm not wasting almost 6 hours of my time watching fat boys fall down and then have to help each other up.
I do have a NCAA bowl game in iTunes ... Boise State vs Oklahoma. Takes 28 minutes to watch ... that's right the entire game takes only 28 minutes from kickoff to gun. No commercials, no commentary, no time outs, no 40 yard long walks after an incomplete pass. It's eye opening.
As far as athleticism , football players can't switch positions and they're all one dimensional skill set guys.
Boxers ? yeah, ya train for 6 weeks and get knocked out in 102 seconds.
Hockey, Basketball and LAX players are the only true athletes extant.
ChatterBalks, I did the scrotum thing but my eyesight was poor from the get go so a nose and forehead gouge was the best I could do ... and believe me ... NASCAR beats both of those activities
4 months ago
Why is this football article in the MMA section? And there is a lot more to MMA than Kimbo Slice. Ever heard of the UFC? Don't watch it if you don't like it. We don't need more ignorant comments from ignorant people about MMA.
By the way, MMA> every other sport. MMA (Pankration) has been around thousands of years longer than any other mainstream sport, including football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Perhaps you could educate yourself about MMA by reading my article on ancient Greek Pankration.
from 4 months ago
We do watch MMA and we like it. We're all huge Urijah Faber and Forrest Griffin fans here at chatterbalks.
We were saying that it's not an alternative to the NFL i.e. "I like football and MMA but nothing else."
4 months ago
Oh, ok. I just misunderstood what you meant, that's all.
from 4 months ago
I also think you can agree that Kimbo represents everything that is wrong with MMA: cheap gimmicks and no skill what-so-ever. The Tank Abbott era of MMA is over.
4 months ago
Yup, Kimbo was just brought in to make Gary Shaw and Elite XC a lot of money. Their last show was terrible: three disputable stoppages, rappers and dancers in the production, they went over the broadcast limit by 45 minutes, way too many commercilas, about 30 min. of actual fighting in a 160 min. show, and they didn't even let the best fighters on their roster compete in their network television debut.
Kimbo would lose to any top 50 heavyweight and his last fight was stopped early to ensure a win. He will lose to Brett Rogers in his next fight though. He's giving MMA a bad rep, and this is not what the sport needs right now as its trying to break through to casual audiences. Kimbo is a cash cow, and Elite XC is milking him for all he's worth. I was glad to see some fans booing the early stoppage at his last fight.
He's all flash and no substance. I would love to see him fight ANY UFC heavyweight. He would get destroyed.
3 months ago
I hear ya all on all your points. But you actually fell into a trap of your own logic. Heh heh. I will take many an NFL linebacker through history--or Jim Brown or Ronnie Lott for that matter--work on fighting skills for 2 weeks and they very well would able to kick any of those boxing or UFC Great's asses full tilt. They would fuck them up with physical prowess and toughness alone. Let alone speed, quickness and fierceness. Nuff said'. Put my house down on that bet. And then I'd put Barry Sanders or Deion in there to run around them untouched slapping their faces, juking them, and ducking and weaving. How about that my friends? These Men are the BEST atheletes in our society this past century. The personification of power considering the average strength/size/speed/quickness combo/ratio of ANY NFL player. The cream of America's crop of athelete warriors plays football. They gravitate to it because of the symbiosis of team unity (intricate to any true, wise battle-hardened warrior), the public recognition, the money, etc. The point is, THE REST, of the warriors in our land get heavily into UFC and boxing or Hockey or Soccer or martial arts (within military and civilian practice) when they are not going to play college football or the NFL. The NFL player would excel in any warrior contest if he put his time or energy there full time instead of football. Thats the fact Jack! Generally speaking :-)
3 months ago
Oh yeah--LJ---I like ya man--but you, my friend, are the one full of shit! I will atake any dominant left tackle Ogden-Pace--Jones--etc--thin them down--focucs them on basketball----and then they would be dominating at Power forward in The NBA. I'm just saying............Hockey--I know nothing about but respect because there are SOME warriors and tough guys. But if more Black people skated on ice and Hockey was anywhere near as popular a sport as football; or you could get paid as much as they do in the NFL---most of those guys in the NHL would not be there because most of those hockey players would never have had the chance to succeed. The NFL atheletes would dominate that. I don't even need to get into the UFC debate really.
OK guys maybe I should have said this: The worlds best atheletes could be found throughout the History of the NFL. That is more concise.
3 months ago
Funny article but the NFL is the only sport worth watching; all the others are there to kill time in between the NFL and give ESPN something to broadcast. Except Hockey in my opinion but then again since it's on Versus channel its tough to come by. Basketball is mildly enteertaining but the playoffs last to long, david stern deserves to be beaten mercilissly with a blunt object, the refs suck, and michael jordan retired.
As for baseball well............i'd rather watch animals fuck on discovery channel, roger lodge, or any shitty day time tv, then men wearing pants stand around and act interested for one of their 160+ games a year. Regular season baseball is only exciting if you go to the game and get wildly drunk; because well then its just a big bar with the game in the middle. It's called the pastime for a reason. If they want to make baseball worth watching on tv give them metal bats; itll increase home runs, and leave the very real possibility of watching a pitcher die on field; and as most americans i like my fair share of violence.
And please don't ever ever stop making fun of soccer under any circumstance....
3 months ago
Spenser--You the man. That was funny and I agree in EVERY way with that last post of yours. Funny shit man.
from 3 months ago
Haha thanks, i appreciate the comment on my article about soccer too.
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