Inside Kirk Cousins' Season of Uncertainty

ASHBURN, Va. — The moment turned into internet gold.

The Washington Redskins had just defeated the Green Bay Packers 42-24 on November 20, and Kirk Cousins, the quarterback in limbo, found Redskins general manager Scot McCloughan on the sideline. "How do you like me now?!" he shouted. "How do you like me now?!" McCloughan reached for a celebratory handshake but instead received a robust hand-slap and head-rub.

A more private moment from earlier that week revealed much more about what it's like to be Cousins this season.

The quarterback and McCloughan crossed paths in the hallway at Redskins Park.

"Can we catch up for a minute?" Cousins asked.

"Sure. Let's go in my office," McCloughan replied.

What followed was a discussion similar to others the quarterback and general manager have had since March, when the Redskins decided to place the franchise tag on Cousins instead of giving him a long-term contract.

Cousins, who will be out of term on his contract again at the end of the season, was playing well. But he couldn't be sure whether that was enough.

"Where do things stand?" he asked.

"You are a football player," McCloughan told him. "I'm looking for football players—guys who have strong character, work hard and put the team first. If you keep doing that, good things will happen."

The words were reassuring. Cousins knew from studying McCloughan's style that they weren't empty.

"He's one of the biggest reasons why I feel great about being a Redskin," Cousins says. "He's the biggest reason, along with Coach [Jay] Gruden, that I'm playing in the first place. He had to make a tough stand to say, 'I think we should play Kirk.' He's always been in my corner, and that's a really good thing for me."

For Cousins to remain in Washington beyond this season, McCloughan and Gruden will have to stay in his corner. And that appears to be a given.

Cousins has thrown for the second-most yards (4,360) in the NFL. His passer rating (98.3) is the sixth-best. It would be difficult for the Redskins to find a better quarterback. Joe Theismann and Matthew McConaughey are among many who have endorsed him.

But as the Redskins lost three of their last four games, Cousins' future remained unsettled. He had one of his worst performances of the season Monday in a loss to the Carolina Panthers. The 7-6-1 Redskins will need help making it to the playoffs.

So whether Cousins has support from high in the Redskins organization remains to be seen. It is team president Bruce Allen who makes sure every one of Dan Snyder's pennies is well spent. And it is Snyder, who has governed more like a fan than an owner at times, who could overrule all on a whim.

All that Cousins can do about it is beat the Chicago Bears and New York Giants. And hope.

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After practice, Cousins walks out to the players' parking lot. He steps into his 16-year-old GMC Savana conversion van, parked a few spots away from a Bentley Bentayga, a Maserati Ghibli Q4 and a Mercedes S 65 AMG. He bought the van from his grandmother for $5,000 a couple of years ago. He also has a pickup truck as part of an agreement with a local dealership, but he likes driving the van.

Courtesy of Virginia Tire & Auto

He dreams about buying a nice car one day.

He drives five minutes to a townhouse he rents from former Redskins offensive tackle Chris Samuels. His lease is for one year.

The place is fine for a quarterback in limbo. The living room gets a little cramped when Cousins has teammates over for Thursday night Bible study, though. And Cousins' wife, Julie, would like a fenced-in yard so Bentley, their goldendoodle, can run. Someday, they hope soon, they will need a little more space if their family should grow.

For about a year now, Kirk and Julie have been studying nearby areas where they might buy. They search Zillow together and think about options. What do they want in a house? Where can they find the type of house in which they would be happy for a long time? Which school systems are best? Can they get to where they frequently need to go easily enough? What are the demographics of each neighborhood?

It could be any one of the Virginia towns of Ashburn, Reston or Leesburg. 

Or maybe their next home will be hundreds of miles away. Imagine following the path of Robert Griffin III and going to the Cleveland Browns. The Jets should be in the quarterback market. Broadway Kirk? Cousins grew up in a suburb of Chicago—might he return home to the Bears? Could he envision living in Silicon Valley and wearing San Francisco 49ers colors?

Kirk and Julie like Northern Virginia. And Cousins has immersed himself in being a Redskin. When he was drafted in 2012, he wanted to know everything he could about his new team. His uncle Bill McClaren knows a lot about football, so Cousins asked him if he could research Redskins history for him.

Now Cousins can talk to you about George Preston Marshall moving the team from Boston in 1937, about Slingin' Sammy Baugh, the Over-the-Hill Gang and the Hogs. He's heard the story about President Nixon allegedly calling a play, and he knows all about Joe Gibbs winning three Super Bowls with three quarterbacks.

It would be something for Cousins to one day be mentioned with Billy Kilmer and Sonny Jurgensen as part of this team's rich history. 

"To go somewhere, you have to know where you come from," Cousins says. "I'm a history guy to begin with. That's another reason I love being in D.C."

He also values the guidance he gets from Gruden, play-caller Sean McVay and quarterbacks coach Matt Cavanaugh. He trusts McCloughan will continue to build the Redskins into a power.

"I do like this team," Cousins says.

Rob Carr/Getty Images

And he's connected with many of his teammates. "I feel really good about him being my quarterback," Redskins tight end Jordan Reed says. "I'm excited to grow with him and be even more comfortable playing with him. He has been everything to me. When you don't have a quarterback who can get you the ball, you can't do so well. His ball placement, for me, is perfect a lot of times."

Reed and Cousins have ascended together, a testament to the power of two. If not for Cousins' play last year, Reed might not have been given a five-year, $46.75 million contract extension last May.

Cousins has talked about the benefits of becoming a "mature" team as he continues to work with teammates like Reed. But for the maturity to continue, Cousins will have to get his. 

His purgatory could continue for another year. Or even another two years. The Redskins could tag him again this offseason at a cost of $23,943,600, according to ESPN's Adam Schefter. They could even tag him a third time, but that would run them $34,478,784. And in 2019, at the age of 31—in the prime of a quarterback's career—Cousins would be free to sign with whomever he chooses.

Cousins is going to be well off no matter what happens. He already is, as his 2016 salary of $19.9 million should mean he is set for life.

But it doesn't feel that way to the quarterback.

He'd like one of those luxurious massage chairs, but he refuses to spend the $8,000. When his bedroom mattress needed to be replaced, he called his marketing agent to see whether he could swing a deal to get a free one. He and Julie keep a Word document on their computer with all of their tax deductions. And he absolutely plans on deducting that $4.75 Wendy's meal he ate on a business trip.

His biggest recent expenditure was giving his offensive linemen custom-made suits for the holidays. Those who are close to him will tell you he spends freely that way.

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This is about money. It always is. But it's also about more. It's about security. And about wanting to be wanted. Again.

Not so long ago, Cousins was told he was not good enough to play on the sixth-grade "A" football team. He had nary a scholarship offer as a high school senior until late in the process, until all of the most sought-after recruits had committed. Michigan State tried to replace him—first with Nick Foles and then with Keith Nichol. On draft day, Cousins was expecting to go in the second round. Then the third. But not the fourth.

"My story has always been one of feeling a need to prove myself," he says. "I'm in the same place now, always trying to prove myself."

Norm Hall/Getty Images

He knows he would be wanted if he became an unrestricted free agent. In March, the Houston Texans gave Brock Osweiler a four-year, $72 million contract with $37 million guaranteed after just seven career starts. You think Cousins took note of that?

Cousins knows it is best if he puts it out of his mind. But he can't.

The 28-year-old is a contemplative man. Earlier in his career, he often found himself in the grip of "anticipatory stress" before games. He's dealing with that better this season, having learned to relax more. But worrying about next year is something else.

"I do worry about what's going to happen," he says. "Where am I going to go? That's where my faith becomes such a big part of my life. I have to remind myself that I claim to be a Christian. That means the Lord is in control of my life. He says in Matthew 6, do not worry. He's going to take care of me. He's going to provide. To worry is a lack of faith. Even when people say, 'How can you have peace?' The Bible says I need to have peace. I want to be a testimony to that on a daily basis and not display worry but to display calm and peace amid what many perceive to be a very uncertain situation."

Julie is the perfect companion to guide him through his period of uncertainty. She is as calm as he is anxious, and they are partners for a reason. She gets him to walk when his instinct is to run.

"My wife handles it better than me," he says. "The stress or the demands of the league, she flies above it. She loves the adventure. She's up for the challenge. So I get a ton of support from her. She doesn't ride the roller coaster, which has been a huge benefit to me."

That ride has more drops and hairpin turns to come. Cousins knows the Redskins' final two regular-season games could affect the rest of his NFL career. 

"Ultimately, this is about wins and losses," the quarterback in limbo says. "We all know these last games will tell a big part of the story."

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Cousins walked into the Redskins locker room after a November victory over the Minnesota Vikings. He closed his eyes and yelled in a high pitch, "Oooooweeee!"

This, understand, is a motivated individual. And he has no qualms about spinning the roulette wheel and putting all of his chips on No. 8.

"He enjoys playing on a one-year deal," Julie says. "He plays with a chip on his shoulder. And he plays better, I think. He's always going to be a passionate guy, but when there is a lot at stake, that's when he really just grinds and yells, 'Oooooweeee' on the sidelines and rubs people's heads. That's when the real Kirk comes out, when he's doubted."

Cousins never was supposed to be looking at a contract that could earn him $24 million per year and make him one of the NFL's highest-paid players. He was the afterthought quarterback, chosen by the Redskins in the fourth round exactly 100 picks after they took Griffin.

But it turned out RG3 was a one-hit wonder, and the coaches and execs who were tied to him were fired. Last season, the new regime—led by McCloughan and Gruden—decided to give Cousins a chance. He played so well that the Redskins couldn't let him go when his contract expired. But they weren't ready to make a long-term commitment to him.

Hence the franchise tag and the continued evaluation of a quarterback who has been on Washington's campus for nearly five years.

After the Redskins lost the Wild Card Game to the Packers last January, Cousins and Gruden walked from the locker room to the parking lot together. They talked a little about the game, a little about the season. It was mostly small talk. But Gruden said one thing that stuck with Cousins. 

Year	W-L	Yds	TD-INT	Rating
2012	1-0	466	4-3	101.6
2013	0-3	854	4-7	58.4
2014	1-4	1710	10-9	86.4
2015	9-7	4166	29-11	101.6
2016	7-6-1	4360	23-10	98.3

"Remember, Kirk, this is only Year 1," Gruden told him. "You are only going to get better. You're not going to stay the same. You're going to keep improving."

So this year, Cousins went through his first NFL offseason as a starter, getting all the first-team reps in OTAs, minicamp and training camp and having the offense catered to his skill set for the first time.

The result?

"He's improved in every way," Gruden says.

In particular, Gruden said Cousins is making better decisions and throwing more accurately—in fact, he uses the word "elite" to describe Cousins in those areas. 

Cousins has also become a better deep passer, as McVay has mixed in play action with "shot plays" effectively. Cousins has 58 completions of 20 yards or more, according to STATS. Only Matt Ryan has more, with 61. Last year, Cousins had 27 all season.

Those long completions aren't just a lot of screen passes that become big gains. He has 59 attempts on passes of 21 or more air yards and a passer rating of 119.2 on those throws. Nine of his 23 touchdown passes have been on such throws.

Cousins has even improved before the snap.

"He has gotten better in terms of drawing guys, dragging it out to get a tip to what the defense is doing, quick counts, changing the tempo up and running no-huddle," Gruden says.

There is more room for growth too. He can get better at handling blitzing, like he saw against the Arizona Cardinals. His red-zone passing has been inconsistent. And he can continue to improve on off-schedule plays.

After being mostly dormant for the first three years of his career, Cousins is still a developing quarterback.

Patrick Smith/Getty Images

"Unless you are actively taking the reps and working and learning from the mistakes you make and the things you do well, it's hard to develop," Gruden says. "People don't understand that about him. I laugh when I hear people say, 'Draft a quarterback and let him sit on the sidelines for four or five years, and then he'll be Aaron Rodgers.' I think you develop by playing, competing, learning from mistakes."

There is another way to try to be Rodgers. It's through continuity, commitment and patience.

Cousins can't worry about that. He can't look beyond his next pass. 

This is what it's like to be in limbo.

Dan Pompei covers the NFL for Bleacher Report. Follow him on Twitter: @danpompei.