Rob Gronkowski's Dad Says He Chose U of Arizona for the Pool Parties

In news that feels like something you already knew in your heart, Gordy Gronkowski, father of affable human sombrero Rob Gronkowski, said his son made his decision to attend the University of Arizona due to its renowned pool-party scene.

As Gronk Sr. put it in a recent interview with Vanity Fair's Bruce Weber, Rob knew right off the bat where he wanted to go when the scholarship offers came flooding in:

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Rob had something like 65 scholarship offers, and I asked, “Where are you going? Syracuse? Ohio State?” He goes, “University of Arizona.” I asked, “Why there?” “Dad, if you ever went to a pool party at Arizona, you’d understand.”

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That is vintage, barrel-aged, double cask Gronk. Can't drive a car yet but can tell you exactly where the bikinis are best.

Another interesting note from Weber's interview is Gordy's explanation of how all five of his sons became giant, athletic monsters.

It began when his eldest son, Gordie, began working out and quickly snowballed into a family-wide arms race between highly competitive brothers:

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In eighth grade, I said to each of [my sons] in turn, “If you want to keep pursuing sports, you need to start training.” Gordie didn’t want to at first. But then he saw his younger brother Danny down in the basement getting bigger, stronger, and faster than him—then he wanted to train! It was like a virus after that—Chris hopped in, then Rob. After that, it was no problem pushing them to work harder anymore. They did it themselves. That was a great feeling, but it got very competitive in the house. I just created the environment, sat back, and watched it happen.

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Now, I am not a father, but you only need to meet a few to know that this is every dad's dream.

Nothing is more fatherly than the paternal fever dream of wiping engine oil off your hands, sitting your kid down and dropping a solemn, one-sentence truth bomb that changes their life for the better forever.

That's the Great Dad Dream, and while it doesn't usually—ever—work out like that, it did for Gordy. He and his wife brought their own personal basketball team starting five into this world, and with a few gentle nudges, it became self-sufficient.

Now, if only the team didn't leave all the Solo cups by the pool, it'd be unstoppable.

Dan is on Twitter. Ain't no party like a Gronk pool party.