Let’s just tell the truth; the University of Maryland and athletes associated with the University of Maryland have no business on the West Coast.
The Terrapins football team traveled to the west side to take on the Cal Bears this past weekend. They’ll be lucky if Ralph Friedgen doesn’t take turns attempting to crush each offensive player’s larynx tomorrow morning, when the Terps review film of the 52-13 stomping.
Shortly thereafter, we find out that former Terp Shawne Merriman is alleged to have choked out his arm candy girlfriend Tila Tequila. It is the latest setback for a mohawked linebacker who has battled injury, steroid-related suspensions, and a stupid dance routine throughout his four years with the San Diego Chargers.
And then there’s Darrius Heyward-Bey, whom I thought would become a sports marketing lightning rod, has yet to make a play big enough to draw more than a blank, black hole stare from Oakland Raiders enthusiasts.
So there you have it, Maryland Terrapins do not belong anywhere near the state of California. Sure, the weather is nice, the girls are pretty and the love is free at face value, but football just doesn’t translate over to that side. My advice? Stay on the east coast, and muddle your way through a productively-anonymous career. Like this guy.