Rob Gronkowski Finally Partied Hard Enough to Rip His Pants

Like Tyler Perry movies and the sun collapsing on itself, there are certain inevitabilities on our plane of existence that cannot be escaped. 

Rob Gronkowski partying hard enough to tear his pants is one such instance where the question isn’t “if” as much as “when” it will occur, and it would appear the other shoe finally dropped for the New England Patriots tight end on Monday night. 

The B/R Spotlight radio host Nicole Zaloumis tweeted out a number of images showing Gronkowski in a sweaty state of semi-undress. Zaloumis says the pictures were taken after an evening of partying at a Los Angeles nightclub. Things appear to have gone swimmingly.

"

Yo soy fiesta at his finest! "Gronk partied so hard in LA last night, he ripped his pants. Atta boy Gronk! pic.twitter.com/yoBVP7arRA”

— Nicole Zaloumis (@nicolezaloumis) February 4, 2015"

He posed for pictures in front of the Gronk Party Bus. 

TMZ also captured video of Gronkowski spiking a bouquet of flowers, because anything nonhuman and less than 50 pounds was getting spiked at this point.

Lastly, I believe we now have sufficient evidence to prove Gronkowski’s partying can physically alter the world around him.

@NicoleZaloumis

A showered and changed Gronkowski tweeted out a picture from LAX on Tuesday morning, ostensibly looking to assure fans he was alive.

And just like that—just when you think Gronkowski couldn't elevate his recreational debauchery any further—he wins a Super Bowl, goes Super Saiyan and tears his pants in twain.

A younger, dumber version of me would ask if we’ve now seen “Peak Gronk,” but recent years have taught me that placing a ceiling on this man's partying abilities is like claiming to have deciphered all the mysteries of the ocean. It would be a lie, and an arrogant one at that.

We'll continue to track Gronkowski, who has nowhere to go but up as the offseason progresses. With the Patriots' Super Bowl parade kicking off Wednesday and another “Summer of Gronk” to come, we’ll see plenty more of Gronkowski's magic.

I just pray downtown Boston has been bubble-wrapped sufficiently to receive him.

Dan is on Twitter, eagerly awaiting Parade Gronk.