The Miami Marlins are an MLB team that isn't very good at baseball. David Samson is a man who isn't very good at the show Survivor. The two are fortunately very much linked.
Join in on the MLB schadenfreude as we learn that the president of the Marlins, Samson, only made it one episode before bowing out of the hit show.
Samson was elected leader of the "Brains" tribe (one of three squads along with "Brawn" and "Beauty") at the outset of the show but lost support by trying to get professional poker player Garrett Adelstein, one of the more athletic members of the team, immediately eliminated.
Samson's crew then came up woefully short in the immunity challenge, where teams guide a cart through an obstacle course, open treasure chests and construct a large dragon puzzle, prompting host Jeff Probst to call it "one of the worst performances out of the gate ever."
Chin up, because it could be worse. Unless, of course, you are the Marlins 2013 offense, and then you are actually the worst in various major MLB offensive categories.
The 45-year-old seems to have a moment of clairvoyance, stating, "You have to get rid of people in the right order or else they are going to get rid of you."
He would continue, "As you vote them off, you have to get their vote back, so you can't just be a bull in a china shop. You have to just meticulously assassin one person after the next."
According to the ESPN report, Samson was just too much bull and not enough deadly assassin.
Here is some more from the show:
ESPN's report does remind of an endeavor that doesn't sit so well with Miami denizens: "In a biography released by the network in January, Samson listed as his claim to fame getting the local government in South Florida to 'contribute over $350 million to a new baseball park during the recession.'"
In an April, 2013 Businessweek article written by Ira Boudway, Samson is quoted as saying, "We let it bottom out. We pretended we were going to move," referencing tactics the organization and owner Jeffrey Loria took before the city agreed to fund the new Marlins Park.
Having not seen it, we simply have to ask fans of the show and team whether the episode is the television equivalent of a home run statue monstrosity or the relatively useless idea of putting an aquarium in the backstop.
To be fair, The Miami Herald's Douglas Hanks is far more kind to Samson, stating that the team's president was actually trying his best to motivate his team:
Despite the aggressive move at the outset – and Samson did have to pick someone for the solo slog through the jungle – the Marlins president seemed mindful of his image back home as the first episode unfolded. Microphones picked him up giving pep talks to his teammates as they endured the treasure-chest debacle. When Samson cast his secret ballot to expel a fellow teammate, who works as a nuclear engineer, Samson whispered to the camera: “In the real world I may hire you. But in this world, not tonight.”
So there are two sides to every story. Samson may be an easy target because of the organization's expensive stadium and lackluster results, but he can be mighty swell every now and again.
And those Marlins, they boast some fantastic young talent, so cut them some slack while you are at it. Although, we have to guess Samson has had his fill of reality television, because there is no joy in playing both the heel and the goat in one episode.
We have to assume the president will go back to playing behind the scenes, savoring the near anonymity that comes with it.
Now the Marlins can celebrate doing better than their president with just one win this season. Although, that may take a while.
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