According to the Urban Dictionary, Maddenosis is defined as follows: "a disease in which people become obsessed with the Madden video games."
In my opinion, the word "obsessed" may be a little strong. As a person who suffers from the condition, I prefer to describe it as deeply and passionately committed to success at the EA Sports football game. If you’ve seen my online record, you know I’m not only losing the battle with the condition, but I’m also losing a lot—period.
That’s temporary, as I’m currently on a winning streak, but I’m taking it one day at a time. You know?
Enough about me. You may be wondering whether you too have Maddenosis. Have no fear, I’ve composed a list of 10 symptoms that can determine whether you’re inflicted with this condition.
Take a gander.
Most Americans with regular jobs get their sick and personal days at the beginning of the year. We try to get important dates off: family members' birthdays, appointments, etc.
Madden fanatics look for the Tuesday they think the game will be released and aim to make that one of their planned absences.
Too low on the department's seniority list?
No problem. You will be faking a mysterious cold on that day. Nothing will stand between you and Madden’s release.
Are you ashamed? Heck no. You’re for real and this is a commitment. Just don’t post any videos online until after you get back to work.
It is always good to be a little bit ahead of the game, but when you show up to prepay for Madden—hours after the it's announced online—you may be obsessed. Did you think the store was really going to sell out if you weren’t among one of the first 100 people to prepay?
Do you feel that shelling out your $60—almost a year before you can actually play the game—would bring you closer to it?
What’s even worse, you’ll stay in the store and discuss it with other fanatics and some guy or girl who works there. You know the store employee may not care one way or another, but it doesn't matter to you. You're excited.
The term Maddenoliday was created in 2006, the year the video above was created. It was a marketing term used to mark the game’s release date.
If you and group of buddies call each other every year and wish one another a Happy Maddenoliday, you are indeed obsessed.
Does the scene look something like this: you both have this weird smile on your face and you start the conversation by saying: “bro, you know what today is, right?”
Don’t be ashamed. If I know this much about the procedure, I must have lived some aspect of it.
Midnight releases have become commonplace in the world of video games. Madden’s release was one of the first to force retailers to extend their hours to accommodate frantic fans.
Madden heads show up hours before midnight on the date of release just to hang out in the store, mingle and talk to complete strangers. Sometimes you might even reunite with an old friend. Madden fans come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Some cool networking opportunities present themselves at times.
If you’re lucky and you run into a guy like the Dallas Cowboys’ Dez Bryant, you may just come up on some free stuff.
So my friend was at Best Buy for a PS4 and Dez Bryant walked in and bought one for her and four other people pic.twitter.com/lN7dVMwJ91— Kells (@BRedLove) November 15, 2013
Bryant showed up at Best Buy and bought a group of fans PlayStation 4 consoles on the spot. Sometimes it pays to be fanatical.
A good friend once told me, "if you love something enough, you can find a way to make a living on it—as long as its legal."
Ever heard of ZFarls or Stephen Gibbons? Those guys have solidified themselves as perhaps the most well-known Madden experts in the world. EA Sports has allowed them to produce strategy guides and such every year. Millions of gamers count on their expertise to better their games.
I’m not big time like Farls and Gibbons, but I write about sports—with a concentration on sports video games like Madden—every day. Transform passions into employment.
It’s hard out here for a gamer. Obviously, you can trade in old games to stores like Gamestop, Play-N-Trade and others, but what if you don’t have any old games to spare?
Panic sets in.
You don’t need that old cell phone do you? Didn’t you see a commercial from a company that pays to recycle your mobile devices? How about that old coin collection?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you have sold more than old video games to buy Madden, you’re obsessed my friend—and I feel your pain.
"Detox" and "cold turkey" are words and terms normally used in association with addiction or rehabilitation. When you’re using these terms to describe your Madden habit, you’re likely obsessed.
Per Sam Farmer of the Los Angeles Times, former Pittsburgh Steelers running back Jerome Bettis used the “cold turkey” reference to chronicle his obsession with the game.
Yes, guys and girls, Maddenosis strikes the pros as well. The first step to solving the problem is admitting you have one. But what if you like your problem?
Whether the authority figure is your parent or significant other, if that person has to set a limit on your Madden gameplay, you may have already exhibited behaviors that imply you have Maddenosis. Not sure what I’m getting at?
Does your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or parent come into your playroom and say things like: “five more minutes?” If so—and you know they're right about your excessive Madden game play—then you have a problem.
You need to break up with them or divorce your parents. I’m kidding…kind of.
Has this ever happened to you? You’ve been playing the game for countless hours; you score a touchdown and raise your arms in victory only to be assaulted by the agony of the pits—armpits that is.
If you lose all track of time and hygiene while playing Madden, you too are exhibiting strong and smelly signs of Maddenosis.
While other symptoms can be laughed off easily, this pungent problem must be addressed. If it isn’t corrected, you run the risk of living a lonely life.
When quick slants, Cover-2 Sinks and Nano Blitzes are the themes of your dream, your specific case of Maddenosis has hit its peek.
Can’t get that last tough online loss off your mind? Is it haunting you and disturbing your slumber? You’re likely beyond a counselor’s help at this point. You’re a complete vidiot and there’s only one thing left for you to do.
Embrace your Maddenosis. Stop fighting the phenomena. Let it consume you and find others with the same problem so you can’t be judged.
My gamertag is: Franchiseplay and my PSN is: Franchiseplay99
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