LeBron James's MVP, Kyle Farnsworth Will Drive Me to Suicide, and More

PAT SUMMIT

Head Coach Pat Summit and her Tennessee Lady Vols basketball team defeated Stanford University last Tuesday night 64-48 to win the women’s NCAA Championship game for the second consecutive season.

Summit, 55, a seven-time NCAA Coach of the Year, won her eighth championship as the Lady Vols leader, and she closed to within two crowns of tying legendary UCLA Coach John Wooden for the most all-time among college coaches.

Nevertheless, despite her accolades, lack of visible tattoos and race, I bet Don Imus would still consider her a “nappy-headed ho.”

JOHN CALIPARI

Memphis Head Coach John Calipari will rue his decision to not utilize his final timeout in last week’s NCAA Men’s Championship game until the day that he meets his maker. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

LEBRON JAMES

Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers, Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics, and Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets were all tremendous this season and the entire trio deserves credit for the enormous impact that they had on their respective teams in the 2007-2008 campaign.

Nevertheless, as Bill Parcells is known to say, “The numbers don’t lie.”

Cleveland Cavaliers superstar LeBron James, 23, recorded statistics this year that were otherworldly (30.0 points, 7.9 rebounds, 7.2 assists) and if he doesn’t win the award, it’s an injustice to both himself and to the league. Without King James, the Cavaliers would have been hard-pressed to win more than 10 games this season, and I, for one, believe that they could have lost to Michael J. Fox’s squad in Teen Wolf.

KOBE BRYANT

Still, when sentimentality and politics play their roles, look for Bryant to win his first lifetime achievement award (MVP) when the votes are collected.

KYLE FARNSWORTH

When having their name called on the public address system at Yankee Stadium, every Bomber is introduced with their chosen music blaring in the background.

For example, legendary closer Mariano Rivera exits the bullpen with Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” clamoring, and Big Apple favorite Paul O’Neill greeted the Bronx faithful with the Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” resounding throughout the stadium.

With that in mind, I think reliever Kyle Farnsworth’s ideal anthem would be Pink Floyd’s “Goodbye Cruel World.” Unfortunately, I do not believe that Farnsworth needs to be kept astray from sharp objects. But, if Manager Joe Girardi continues to allow him to cripple the Yankees with his unseemly debacles late in games, I may put myself at personal risk.

CHIEN-MING WANG

Yankees ACE Chien-Ming Wang was desecrated last year by critics for his putrid performances against the Cleveland Indians in the ALCS (0-2, 19.06 ERA).

Those same critics who bashed Wang, 28, conveniently dismiss the fact that he has won more games (49-18, 3.64 ERA) since the middle of the 2005 season than any other starting pitcher in Major League Baseball. Wang absolutely was subpar at a very inopportune time for himself and the Yankees.

But, Wang’s futility was not an ongoing A-Rod-like post-season demise. Wang simply had two bad outings. The Taiwanese import is one the best pitchers in the sport and, with the possible exception of Mets lefty Johan Santana, there is nobody I’d trust more to take the mound in October.

JIMMY LEYLAND

Despite their anemic 2-11 start, I still predict that Detroit Tigers Manager Jimmy Leyland will enjoy many a victory smoke when it’s all said and complete.

ERIC CARTMAN AND BELICHICK

Last week on an episode of South Park, the portly, foul-mouthed caricature Eric Cartman revealed the true reason that the heavily-favored New England Patriots faltered against the New York Giants 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII.

“Just before the last Super Bowl, Bill Belichick gathered his football players and said let’s win this one for real… Just this one time.. Let’s not cheat. You know what happened? They lost. Even if you feel all eyes are on you, you can’t give up on cheating!” — 4.9.08, Cartman, South Park.

Any way you portray it, South Park’s resident fat-boy provided some of the great investigative journalism our nation has seen since Woodward and Bernstein uncovered Watergate with the help of the enigmatic “Deep-Throat.”

Now, nearly three-months-later, the outcome of the game makes entire sense.

Agree or disagree with my vantages, I hope I was able to entertain. Thanks for your readership.