Shawne Merriman Is 'Too Damn Heavy' to Be the Next 'American Ninja Warrior'

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He tried. He really did.  

But Shawne Merriman isn’t even close to being an American ninja warrior. Based on the performance he gave last week, he’s more like an American mall cop/yellow belt.

The 29-year-old appears to be enjoying his early retirement from the NFL and decided to test his might on the American Ninja Warrior last week, taking on the grueling course at a qualifying round in Denver. The results were less than ninja-like.

The former Defensive Rookie of the Year went through the course at the speed of wood glue, moving tentatively from obstacle to obstacle. Merriman’s run met an early demise at the fourth challenge, however, when he launched off a trampoline into a wall of nets and fell into the water.

Why did he struggle so much with the course? His weight, according to Merriman.

TMZ ran into Merriman shortly after the competition, and the linebacker explained why big boys like him cannot be flying around off miniature trampolines.

“They forgot to tell me that 260 (pounds) don't work on trampolines," said Merriman.

Merriman also said he isn’t done with the competition and promises he will be an American ninja warrior by this time next year.

“Next year, if I get the opportunity, I’m going to train for it. I know they got obstacles in the country. I’m going to train for it and I’m gonna go back and do it again. Guaranteed I’ll beat the course.”

The TMZ reporter—clearly having spent some solid time watching Ninja Warrior before—asked Merriman what he was going to do if he made it to the next level and had to start taking on obstacles like “The Cliffhanger” with his fingers.

Merriman said his upper body strength could make up for it, but we’ll see about that.

To put it in perspective, only a handful of “Total Victories” at the hardest stage of Ninja Warrior have ever been recorded in the show's history. 

Let's see if Merriman can get past the ropes before he tries the spinning doorhandles.

 

Join me on Twitter, where being a ninja means stealing people's jokes.

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