♫ Double the handcuffs, double the fun! Life’s never dull when you’re Titus Young! ♫
Former Detroit Lions wide receiver Titus Young ended up breaking the law at Mach speed this weekend after somehow managing to get himself arrested twice Sunday for two separate, automobile-related offenses (via ESPN).
The two arrests occurred within 15 hours of one another, the first coming at 12:01 a.m. Sunday morning in Southern California when Young was pulled over after making an illegal left turn. Young was arrested and booked on suspicion of driving under the influence by the Moreno Valley Police.
Several hours after the initial arrest, Young was released with a citation and told to go on his merry way. As it appears, the ex-Lions wideout missed his buddies at the Robert Presley Detention Center (where he’d been booked) and decided he wanted to go back.
But what to do? How could get back into a detention center quickly and without all the fuss of having to walk there?
The answer: by trying to spring his impounded ride out of car prison, because he’s MacGruber.
Around 2:22 p.m. that very same Sunday, Young was arrested for burglary after he was spotted hopping the fence at a local tow yard. Onlookers had noticed Young scaling the fence and reported him to authorities, who had no problem booking the wideout for the second time in 15 hours.
Young’s decision to act out the world’s worst secret-agent scenario sparked all kinds of what-the-what responses.
forget getting busted twice in 15 hrs. was titus young just gonna drive his car out the impound lot? espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id…— Bomani Jones (@bomani_jones) May 8, 2013
Titus Young is whatever the opposite of a criminal mastermind is called.— Chris Burke (@ChrisBurke_SI) May 8, 2013
Remember...Titus Young said he was better than Megatron. That was a hint that he was unstable.— Peyton's Head (@PeytonsHead) May 8, 2013
Truly, these incidents do put Young's whole "better than" Calvin Johnson thing into perspective.
So there you have it—Young has committed the KFC Double Down of nonviolent offenses. He sandwiched two disappointing things far too close together, with a dubious weird filling between.
The Double Down starts as a delicious impulse, but always ends in regret—and probably a hefty amount of community service, in this instance.
You never double down with the authorities: Dr__Carson