I'm sorry to interrupt your day, but this is a very important slideshow about the NFL and Halloween. In fact, in this slideshow, I compare NFL teams to things associated with this great holiday, including costumes, movie characters, party elements and more. That popping sound you just heard was me blowing your mind just now.
So what things do you like about Halloween the most? I bet you that I mentioned at least one of those things in this slideshow. Do you like bobbing for apples? Good news! I compared an NFL team to bobbing for apples. Which team was it, you ask? Oh, you! First of all, you'll have to see for yourself in the slideshow, and secondly, I honestly don't remember. I did 32 of these and now I'm a little pooped.
That's right, I worked really hard on this, so you'd better enjoy it. And if you hate Halloween, first of all, it's cool, bro. You must be really tired of the onslaught of pointless autumn holidays. I get it, man. So what better way to ignore Halloween than to flip through my totally awesome Halloween slideshow. Just sit right here and enjoy, and I'll get a head start on hanging up your Christmas lights.
Miami Dolphins: Daniel LaRusso Dressed as a Shower in "Karate Kid"
Looking good now, but you just know that a pretty good ass-whipping is right around the corner...
St. Louis Rams: Makeshift Graveyards in Peoples' Front Lawns
For the team that has the ugliest turf in the league.
|You wanna plant something in your yard? Why not start with grass?|
Pittsburgh Steelers: Hayrides
|They were pretty awesome when you were a kid, but now they're just getting tired and kinda played out.|
New Orleans Saints: Strobe Lights
|Festive. Indicative of a huge party site. Prolonged exposure might make your head hurt.|
Denver Broncos: Bobbing for Apples
|If it wasn't for the skills of that old guy, nobody would be interested in this.|
Cincinnati Bengals: Jack-O-Lanterns
|Already starting to rot, and will probably be in the trash by mid-November|
Atlanta Falcons: Coeds in Skimpy Costumes
|Sure, they look good now, but wait until after Thanksgiving…|
Arizona Cardinals: Fake Blood
|Yeah….that's a lot of red. Should there be that much red? You don't want to get that stuff everywhere.|
SD Chargers: Old People That Don't Leave Their Lights on but Are Clearly at Home
|HEY! HEYYYY! WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR HIP REPLACEMENTS AND GIVE ME SOME DELICIOUS CANDY!!|
Cleveland Browns: The Guys Who Shows Up to the Party with No Costume
|Come on, jerk. Are you even trying?|
Buffalo Bills: Corn Maze
|They put a lot of effort into creating something, but now everyone's just lost. |
Minnesota Vikings: Dance Party
There's talent out there, but by the end, everyone just got wasted.
Baltimore Ravens: Newborn in Cute Costume
|Every time they step outside, they have trouble staying healthy.|
Carolina Panthers: Kid That Shows Up at Your Door Wearing His Baseball Uniform
|Yeah, I guess you technically got ready…let me drop something in your suggestion box for next year. |
Dallas Cowboys: Haunted House
|As dark as it is over there, you can almost guarantee that someone will just trip up. |
Washington Redskins: Group That Spent WAY Too Much on Their Costumes
|Usually, a massive overspend. But this year, it looks pretty good!|
Tennessee Titans: 15-Year-Old Kids That Still Trick-or-Treat
Seriously, what are you guys even doing out here?
(Yeah, those are supposed to be 15-year-olds trick-or-treating. I sure hope that lady is okay.)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Pirates
|Because they are pirates. Hey, maybe your face didn't try very hard, either!|
Seattle Seahawks: That Family That Plays "The Monster Mash" on a Loop
Walking into their house is a loud, obnoxious, and generally disorienting experience.
San Francisco 49ers: Skeletons
|I tried to tie this into a dig on Alex Smith, but I got nuthin'. |
Philadelphia Eagles: That Kid Who Spills His Candy in the Street
"Do we need to put a handle on that candy for you, son?"
Oakland Raiders: Kid Wearing Holes in a Bedsheet
|A classic look, even if a bit outdated. |
New York Jets: Vampires Inspired by the Twilight Films
|Maybe there's something tangible and noteworthy here, but there are just too many douchebags up front to know for sure|
New York Giants: Vampires NOT Inspired by the Twilight Films
They're capable of sucking the life out of you. Or just getting torched in open sunlight.
New England Patriots: Zombies
|Oh sure, they're effective at being scary, but they're on the verge of being played out. |
Kansas City Chiefs: People That Love Candy Corn
|Rather than figure out why they think it's so great, it's easier to just ignore them. |
(Full disclosure: I think candy corn is gross.)
Jacksonville Jaguars: That Motorized Hand That Just Crawls Around by Itself
|It's one component that's pretty awesome, but it breaks easily and still needs a lot more pieces to be a complete anything.|
Indianapolis Colts: The Family out Trick-or-Treating at 5:30
|They're out getting theirs before anyone expected them to be out of the basement. |
Houston Texans: Michael Myers
|It's a very simple look, but very effective and scary as hell. |
Green Bay Packers: Freddy Krueger
Historic. Iconic. Typically indestructable until the very end.
Detroit Lions: Cartoon Superhero Costumes
|A bunch of recognizable stars, but not really capable of beating up on the big boys.|
Chicago Bears: Jason Vorhees
Kinda lethal. Also...kinda mopey.