I'm sorry to interrupt your day, but this is a very important slideshow about the NFL and Halloween. In fact, in this slideshow, I compare NFL teams to things associated with this great holiday, including costumes, movie characters, party elements and more. That popping sound you just heard was me blowing your mind just now.
So what things do you like about Halloween the most? I bet you that I mentioned at least one of those things in this slideshow. Do you like bobbing for apples? Good news! I compared an NFL team to bobbing for apples. Which team was it, you ask? Oh, you! First of all, you'll have to see for yourself in the slideshow, and secondly, I honestly don't remember. I did 32 of these and now I'm a little pooped.
That's right, I worked really hard on this, so you'd better enjoy it. And if you hate Halloween, first of all, it's cool, bro. You must be really tired of the onslaught of pointless autumn holidays. I get it, man. So what better way to ignore Halloween than to flip through my totally awesome Halloween slideshow. Just sit right here and enjoy, and I'll get a head start on hanging up your Christmas lights.
Looking good now, but you just know that a pretty good ass-whipping is right around the corner...
For the team that has the ugliest turf in the league.
|You wanna plant something in your yard? Why not start with grass?|
|They were pretty awesome when you were a kid, but now they're just getting tired and kinda played out.|
|Festive. Indicative of a huge party site. Prolonged exposure might make your head hurt.|
|If it wasn't for the skills of that old guy, nobody would be interested in this.|
|Already starting to rot, and will probably be in the trash by mid-November|
|Sure, they look good now, but wait until after Thanksgiving…|
|Yeah….that's a lot of red. Should there be that much red? You don't want to get that stuff everywhere.|
|HEY! HEYYYY! WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR HIP REPLACEMENTS AND GIVE ME SOME DELICIOUS CANDY!!|
|Come on, jerk. Are you even trying?|
|They put a lot of effort into creating something, but now everyone's just lost.|
There's talent out there, but by the end, everyone just got wasted.
|Every time they step outside, they have trouble staying healthy.|
|Yeah, I guess you technically got ready…let me drop something in your suggestion box for next year.|
|As dark as it is over there, you can almost guarantee that someone will just trip up.|
|Usually, a massive overspend. But this year, it looks pretty good!|
Seriously, what are you guys even doing out here?
(Yeah, those are supposed to be 15-year-olds trick-or-treating. I sure hope that lady is okay.)
|Because they are pirates. Hey, maybe your face didn't try very hard, either!|
Walking into their house is a loud, obnoxious, and generally disorienting experience.
|I tried to tie this into a dig on Alex Smith, but I got nuthin'.|
"Do we need to put a handle on that candy for you, son?"
|A classic look, even if a bit outdated.|
|Maybe there's something tangible and noteworthy here, but there are just too many douchebags up front to know for sure|
They're capable of sucking the life out of you. Or just getting torched in open sunlight.
|Oh sure, they're effective at being scary, but they're on the verge of being played out.|
|Rather than figure out why they think it's so great, it's easier to just ignore them.|
(Full disclosure: I think candy corn is gross.)
|It's one component that's pretty awesome, but it breaks easily and still needs a lot more pieces to be a complete anything.|
|They're out getting theirs before anyone expected them to be out of the basement.|
|It's a very simple look, but very effective and scary as hell.|
Historic. Iconic. Typically indestructable until the very end.
|A bunch of recognizable stars, but not really capable of beating up on the big boys.|
Kinda lethal. Also...kinda mopey.