I was in a fraternity in college and if there's one thing a bunch of guys living in the same house love to do together, regardless of if they share interests outside of it, it's watching sports.
For the four years I was at college, my brothers and I always watched sports together, from the MLB playoffs to Monday Night Football to the NFL Draft. It just goes to show you that even if some men are completely different, they can always bond over watching a game.
That said, seeing as how the baseball season is winding down and school has just started up again, it's time to marry the two. What if some of our favorite baseball players went to college with us? Would we be friends with them? Would we hang out regularly?
Here's another crazy thought: What if some of the players we worship today were also our fraternity brothers? If you ask me, it'd be one fun time!
Role: The Emcee
One thing fraternities do well is parties, and in order for a party to be a success it has to be more than just a couple of kegs and some music blasting over the speakers. Thus, it is important to include contests or something to do outside of the socializing. For that, someone with a winning personality is needed.
Fortunately, Swisher has just that. He loves playing to a crowd, as evidenced by his famous Swisher Salute during the Yankee Stadium Bleacher Creatures' roll call. He'd be great riling the partygoers up by getting on the mic, or just greeting people at the door.
Role: The Shocker
Every fraternity has someone who thrives on shocking people. Be it streaking across campus or going on a panty raid, or even eating something gross, one guy will always step up to the challenge. They live life to the fullest with no fear, even if their decisions may cause some backlash.
Nyjer Morgan fits this role perfectly, much in part to his gung-ho nature and alter ego known as "Tony Plush."
Here's a thought: To get on the pledges' nerves a bit, why not have Morgan talk to them and go back and forth between Plush and his regular self? Does such a thing even exist?
Role: The Prankster
When it comes to determining which pledges make it into the fraternity, there is one key test: How easy are they to prank and if they go along with it until the end, how do they respond? If they take it in stride and laugh it off, they're in. If they flip out, they're history.
Well, seeing as how baseball has only one true prankmaster in Myers, it's clear why we'd want him in our fraternity. On top of that, he could also unleash some fine sorts of hell against rival fraternities!
Role: The Supervisor
Harper is only 19 years old, so chances are that if he were in a fraternity, he almost definitely wouldn't be an officer. Yet, given how he looks as though he has been playing in MLB for years as opposed to just 123 games this year, he gets a great role: the pledge mentor, or Big Brother, or just "Big."
The job of the Big, or sort of supervisor, is to field any questions the pledges may have. Of course, if there's a ridiculous question, the pledges must be called out on it. Given Harper's legendary honesty, he fits this role perfectly.
Role: The Bouncer
Strasburg has an ice-cold stare and a pretty intimidating patch of facial hair. On top of that, he throws a high 90s fastball and stands 6'4", 220 pounds. If someone's being unruly at a party, is there anyone else who could throw them out, and actually do it literally? It's as though the tall stature is just a bonus.
Role: The Management
I watch Brian Wilson in an interview, and I see someone who reminds me of a VP of a big company. Oddly enough, a fraternity's VP has a very similar job. He isn't the boss, but he can sure has hell act like one and doesn't hesitate to pull rank when necessary, or even rip on a pledge just for some laughs.
Not convinced? Just look at how Wilson interacts with Chris Rose in this clip. Instead of letting Rose do his job, he basically controls how the interview goes and decides what will be talked about.
That said, is he reporting back to somebody? Well, in a fraternity, he certainly would be, particularly in terms of which pledges should become full-time members or not.
Role: The Pledgemaster and CEO
A frat is only as strong as the man calling the shot, and if the president of the club isn't taking it seriously, the house falls down.
That said, there really isn't anyone better than Chipper Jones to be the leader of the pack. His 18 years in the major leagues have led to multiple playoff appearances, three trips to the World Series (including winning a ring in 1995), eight All-Star berths and an MVP trophy.
Oh, and let's not forget the .304 lifetime batting average and 468 career homers.
Long story short, Jones is the definition of the ultimate leader. As the elder statesman of the Atlanta Braves, he has stuck with the club through thick and thin as they prepare to hand the reins over to the younger players. In a fraternity, the president, or pledgemaster, serves that exact same role.
Thus, if Jones and I were fraternity brothers, I'd consider it a great honor to share such a distinction with him.