A-Rod Sends In the Clowns

Joe NoaCorrespondent IFebruary 18, 2009

Send in the clowns. The circus officially arrived in Tampa yesterday. The big top was set up and the ringmaster walked in to make his announcement that the show must go on.

Alex Rodriguez has many hats. He is a baseball superstar, an entertainer, spokesman from the Boys Club to Bole, and now he the ringmaster for The Greatest Show on Earth. It starts in Tampa and will soon be seen all over the country.

Get your tickets soon before they are sold out. A-Rod can be a juggler, sword swallower, walk the high wire, and be shot out of a canon. He can do it all.

Ask him a question about the cousin that gave him the Bole and A-Rod juggles on a unicycle and says it is not about his cousin, but him.

How did his cousin got the Bole into the country from the Dominican Republic? A-Rod gets the balancing pole and starts walking the high wire. It's not about the drug, or the smuggling, or his cousin. It's me! It's me! Look at me!

When was the last time you were able to get an "over-the-counter" drug named Bole that you had to inject it into your body? Where did he get the syringes?

It's A-Rod, the ringmaster, that can get anything without a prescription and justify it. I can see A-Rod in his clown suit running up to the media and fooling them when he throws a bucket of confetti at them.

A-Rod apologizes to John Hart of the Rangers but doesn't offer to pay back the Rangers for the deceit and lies. He was young, naive, and stupid. He was only 24 years old. Surely, he wasn't a man old enough to make responsible decisions.

So the Ranger fans better not hold their breath for a refund. No, this circus sells tickets and they are final.

Sports Illustrated was waiting for a public apology from A-Rod to Selena Roberts. They never got it. A-Rod discreetly "worked it out" with Selena a week ago, and in his words, they have moved on.

Oh really? Where is Selena's side to this story?

Joel Sherman of the New York Post made a point that in doing the math, A-Rod took the injections a total of 36 times. Joel went further to say that A-Rod was aware of his body and took good care of it. So he asked A-Rod, the ringmaster, how can you take this Bole in a three-year period and not know what it did for his body?

A-Rod answers, while he is doing somersaults on the trampoline, "I don't know, I was young, naive, and stupid."

In your mind you listen to the song, "Laugh, Clown, Laugh," and you can't help but grab the guy selling cotton candy and peanuts before the next act takes place.

The best act was not saved for the end to climax the show. Oh no, not A-Rod, he marches to the beat of a different drum.

He went into the canon.

From inside the canon he introduces himself as the man that will be shot out—the highlight of the show.

A hush floods the circus tent as A-Rod, on cue, starts to say something, turns towards his teammates, and gets emotional. Finally, after acting like space cadet Joaquin Phoenix on Late Night with David Letterman recently, he looks to Jeter, Posada, Rivera, and says, "I love you."


There blows the canon and A-Rod comes flying out like a missile into the air and lands safely on a net. The crowd roars as A-Rod waves to the ticket buyers, shouting he is OK.

The show is over for now but there are a lot of cities to visit this summer. The "Circus Starring A-Rod" will be in a town near you.

If you see A-Rod sad, Smokey Robinson's song "The Tears of a Clown" will come to mind as A-Rod gets the shovel to scoop the elephants' dung.

That should keep A-Rod in shape.