The NFL's Worst Teams of Week Two: The Sad Sack Seven Welcomes the Steelers

Don't you miss defense?

Does anyone remember those 11 guys who used to line up against the 11 guys with the football and tackle and try to intimidate them?

Today Roger Goodell would ban anyone with a nickname like Mean Joe, Hacksaw, Danimal, Mongo, The Hammer, The Claw or The Assassin. 

Good defenders and great defenses always, save for a Sweetness, a Diesel or a Hog here or there, had the best nicknames.

Goodell likely would try to have any defensive back who used a Night Train Necktie arrested.

Sadly, the Oakland Raiders and Pittsburgh Steelers of the seventies or the Chicago Bears of the eighties would not be able to play in today's NFL..

Not because of skill or size but because the very fabric of the game has been altered to favor the offense and give Goodell peace of mind.

And it seems defenders have forgotten how to tackle.

Count how many times defensive backs bounce off running backs because they can not tackle properly. Even linebackers, always looking for a big ESPN hit, often miss or fail to wrap their arms.

Defensive lineman have been so trained not to touch the quarterback that many seem almost timid when rushing the signal caller.

What would the Deacon, as in Jones, do?

It is all about the offense, the super stars, the stats and the quarterbacks but it would still be fun to see the Raiders of yore against the current crop of perfumed princes.

1] Kansas City Chiefs [0-1]

Nothing excites the season ticket holders like a 41-7 home opening smashing at the paws of the Buffalo Bills. 

In the off-season the Chiefs, citing costs, stopped their practice of allowing parking lot attendants and ticket takers to enter games for free when they were done working.

Perhaps when the stands are half empty in October they will alter their harsh position.   

2] Pittsburgh Steelers [0-1]

Ever since Big Ben became engaged his play has slipped.

The night before game day the Steelers should tell Ben to drop the wedding ring, don the loin cloth and pillage the village.

A few citizens might be harmed buts it's the only way for Big Ben to fully concentrate on game day. 

3] Seattle Seahawks [0-1]

If the horrid Donovan McNabb is considered better than Tarvaris Jackson in Minnesota how bad can T Jack really be?

It is truly frightening if you think about it.

4] New York Giants [0-1]

The G Men are back but the song remains the same.

Tom Coughlin has an angrily constipated look.  Eli Manning has a goofy "I made a dumb turnover" frown. The run defense is soft. The run offense is softer. 

And worse, the G Men made Danny Snyder happy.  

5] Dallas Cowboys [0-1]

Superman used to have Bizarro as a foe.

Bizarro was an odd sort of anti-Superman. Tony Romo has become the Bizarro Roger Staubach of the Dallas Cowboys.

Staubach found amazing ways to win; the anti-Staubach, Romo, finds amazing ways to lose weekly.

Still, unlike Troy Aikman, Romo has Skip Bayless' undying love.  

6] The NFC South [0-4]

The only division still win-less in week two but in the end the NFC West will still be worst. 

7] Cleveland Browns [0-1]

The Blah Browns made their fans even bluer by being booted by the bad Bengals in the home opener.

Is there anything even remotely exciting about the Browns?

Special Note:

Season Called Because of injury: Indianapolis Colts

Colt's fans are about to find out what a 20 game exhibition season is like.

The highlight reel will be called Being a Bengal..

Ugly Game of Last Week

Jacksonville Jaguars 16 Tennessee 14

Two terribly dull ball clubs battled in a boring opener with a pair of inept quarterbacks at the helm.

Do not fear if you missed the match-up for they will do it all over again later in the season after both are safely eliminated from the playoffs.

Ugly game of the week

Cleveland Browns @ Indianapolis Colts

Watching Kerry vs Colt or getting a healthy tooth pulled sans anesthesia would be a tough choice.