8 Trades to Change the NFL Landscape

Trade.

It's one of my favorite words in the English language. For no other reason than it means change in sports. It means Nomar can become a Cub. It means Herschel Walker can become a Viking.

I love trades in sports. The trade deadline is like Shark Week for me. I look forward to it all year long. When it passes, my head is noticeably hung. I'm a little listless, spent from the potential for excitement.

We all come up with trade scenarios in our heads. We all love to play the amateur general manager, and some of us go so far, so delusional, as to think that we could, in fact, do the job if someone would just give us the chance.

Welcome to my delusion. I have just been awarded and appointed the position of Grand General Manager. I oversee the shmoes who are currently making the wrong decisions for their teams.

Cool right? I know. I'm honored. But seriously, who didn't see this coming?

To be honest, there's no one more qualified—pipe down over there Timothy Hockemeyer. So you were right about the Bears OC—and had numbers to back up your argument for Roy Williams—this is my delusion.

So, back to it. Read on.

Oh, and by the way, there are rumblings that the NBA and MLB are discussing my heinous. I mean my "Highness as GGM" of their moribund leagues as well, so if you want to stay up to date and informed, look for my musings there too.

Peyton Manning

"So, when I hit the door, go left?"

The Colts are in an awful position. They have, arguably, the greatest quarterback to ever play in the NFL. (The CFL has had some pretty righteous rock stars, so I am not ready to appoint Peyton as the supreme...Anthony Calvillo anyone?)

Andrew Luck is the name on everyone's lips, and they aren't drafting him to sit. Oh, he might sit next year, but anything beyond that? No way.

Peyton is still rehabbing a potentially career-threatening neck injury. Like I said, tough spot.

Let's make life easier for everyone. The Colts will trade Peyton Manning to the New Orleans Saints. Oh be quiet, let me finish. Archie Manning was drafted by and played most of his career for the Saints. Archie also went to Ole Miss.

Peyton dissed Ole Miss. Bringing him back into the fold in Nawlins would be a feel-good story. Manning is able to do what the older Manning couldn't—bring a Super Bowl to the City. (I know Brees already did this, but he's not a Manning—I checked.)

Folks in Mississippi traditionally root for the Saints. This would be the feel-good story of the year.

To get Peyton, I would tell the Saints they wouldn't have to give up the farm. The injury would be a question. So, the Saints will trade Martez Wilson and Mark Ingram to the Colts. The Colts need a running back, and Wilson would be a nice young add to the LB corp.

The Saints don't need Ingram, and he's not going to be a Top 10 RB anyway.

If Andrew Luck is as good as everyone says, he will seamlessly fit into the new offensive scheme they put in.  And with Reggie Wayne, Pierre Garcon, Austin Collie and Dallas Clark to throw to, the Colts will be back above .500 next season.

Drew Brees

Because I know you're all jumping all over the last slide, I will explain the Saints need for Peyton Manning. It's because I traded Brees to the Cowboys.

The Cowboys—we all love the Cowboys!

The people of Dallas want a winner; they need to have a winner. Jerry Jones makes all of these messed up faces when they're losing or when Romo throws the inevitable interception. His face is going to stay like that one of these days—or at least until he goes under the knife again to have it fixed.

Remember what Quincy Carter did to him? That Dr. deserves a medal.

I'm making another hometown move here for a team saddled with issues i.e. Tony Romo. Being saddled in Texas is not always a good thing, and this instance, it's most certainly not.

To get Brees, the Cowboys had to give up a lot—something they're not averse to—see Williams, Roy trade with Detroit.

The Saints don't need a ton, but their defense could use some help. So, I was able to secure DeMarcus Ware, Keith Brooking and a third-round pick. This gives the Saints some sack help and a tough veteran to show some of the kids what it takes—the kind of intensity needed to compete at the NFL level.

The Saints won't miss a step going from Brees to Manning.

The Cowboys will go from missing the playoffs to going deep into the playoffs.

Larry Fitzgerald

I feel for Larry Fitzgerald.

He became a household name with Kurt Warner manning the QB position. Now, while still one of the best WRs in the league, he's catching passes from Kevin "Not Nearly as Good as We Thought" Kolb and the law firm of Skelton and Bartel. This is simply not fair.

Larry needs to be on a platform where the mention or association with Penn State does not illicit a regurgitating response from the public.

Larry needs to be in Chicago Bear uniform. He deserves the bigger city and some spotlight. He deserves a big-armed quarterback who can get him the ball in the corner of the end zone.

And the Bears deserve him. You know they do. They have been making do with retreads and midgets—I'm sorry, the vertically challenged—for years. Cutler just throws to a spot where he sees hands hopefully waving "I'm open" from behind the shoulder pads of the cornerback.

If you stack Hester, Knox and Sanzenbacher you get up to Wes Welker's sternum. It's not fair. Roy Williams?  Umm...no.

We, I mean they, haven't had anyone in years. Mark Engram? Marty Booker? Devin Aromashodu?

They deserve Larry so they get Larry.

The Cardinals need a lot. They get Pro Bowler Lance Briggs to help shore up their linebacking corp. They also get Caleb Hanie because, while the Bears deserve Fitzgerald, they don't deserve Hanie. No one deserves Hanie—except the Cardinals.

The Bears would be an instant NFC title contender.

The Cardinals would go through their rebuilding mode with a better defense and without the constant worry of whether they might win a game...because they won't.

Jared Allen

Culinary Academy. Anyone who graduates from this school, who's team disbanded in the late 80s after a series of beatings from the mean boys at the Dance Academy and can excel at the highest level of football, gets my vote for something.

Jared Allen is one of the preeminent pass-rushers of the last five years. He's a guy who will rip a teammate apart for giving anything less than 100 percent. He's a guy who commands respect because he kills a lot of things in the offseason—presumably to eat, hence the Culinary Academy education.

There are more than a few teams who could use this guy to clean up their locker rooms. No other team more than the J-E-T-S—Jets!

The New York Jets are in such disarray.

Santonio Holmes is fighting people in the huddle and getting benched in the fourth quarter of a must-win game. Not good.

The Jets need Jared Allen. His personality can handle New York. He'll wear cowboy boots and mismatched clothing strolling down Fifth Avenue and not care.

To get him out of Minnesota, the Jets have to give up Revis. I know. It's a rough one for Jets fans. They want to have their cannoli and eat it too.

With a controlled locker room, the Jets make it back to the playoffs.

The Vikings will see a change on defense. They won't fear the pass anymore. Unless they got to the QB, the pass was usually completed. The CBs need help.

Maurice Jones-Drew

Maurice Jones Drew deserves better.

He has toiled in Jacksonville his entire career—six years. In Jacksonville! This is a guy from Oakland, and now, he's in Jacksonville? Seriously, who did he piss off in a previous life?

Maurice Jones-Drew was raised by his grandparents—Maurice and Christina Jones. During the Rose Bowl, Maurice's grandfather had a heart attack watching him in the stands. Maurice was told on the sidelines. He immediately left the game to go to the hospital. His grandfather had passed by the time he arrived.

To honor the man who raised him, Maurice Drew legally changed his name to Jones-Drew. This is one classy guy. He deserves to be on a team that has a chance to win in the next two to three years. The Jaguars do not.

So, Jones-Drew is heading to the Packers. I know, the rich get richer. So what. Having the Packers do well is good for everyone. More cheese is sold, more attention is paid to the fact that the city owns the team and I need to see Jones-Drew's squat little frame do the Lambeau Leap.

The Packers, flush with talent, trade their first-round pick, because they don't need that too, I'm not mean, and Matt Flynn.

Blaine Gabbert isn't going to be the man for them. So getting Flynn, who the Pack was going to lose anyway, is a coup.

Packers...well, they get better.

The Jags get younger and more stable for the future.

Ben Roethlisberger

Ahhh, Big Ben Roethlisberger. I know trades within the division are rare, but I think this is one that has to be made.

Cleveland needs a tough-guy quarterback. I like Colt McCoy (maybe the best name in the NFL) and think he can be a good QB. But, Cleveland needs a tough guy, and Big Ben is from nearby Findlay, OH.

And to be honest, Ben deserves Cleveland. I don't like Ben. I used to give him a "whatev," but there have been too many issues. The allegations that have been leveled against him do not sit well with me.

Mewelde Moore heads to Cleveland too to help with the running game.

No offense Cleveland, but Ben does deserve you. He deserves a young line to throw behind, and get his arse sacked a few times every Sunday, sub-zero winters on the banks of Lake Erie and a WR corp that needs help desperately.

The Steelers have had too many good QBs. It's not fair. From Bradshaw to Roethlisberger, including Kordell Stewart, Mark Malone and Neil O'Donnell. They haven't had a "Dear God this guy sucks" in years. They need some downtime.

They get Peyton Hillis to make up for the potential long loss of Rashard Medenhall and Colt McCoy. McCoy could be something behind the Steeler line, and he jives much better with the Steeler history of professionals and good guys.

It'll be a learning experience, and both the Steelers and Ben need that.

The Steelers have enough weapons, and I believe Colt would be fine enough that they'll make the playoffs.

The Browns get a QB to rely on. As much as I don't like Ben, he is tough.

Darren McFadden

The Raiders did some nice things through the middle of this year—notably grabbing Carson Palmer off the forced retirement pile from Cincinnati.

Palmer is going to be the man in Oakland for the next few years, and they need some wideouts.

Al Davis, God Bless him, was a sucker for speed. He would overdraft and sign track stars. That mentality hurt the Raiders. They need more the Darrius Heyward Bey, Jacoby Ford, Louis Murphy and TJ Houshmandzadeh.

I am going to give Al Davis what he always wanted. The Raiders get Nate Washington and Chris Johnson from Tennessee.

Johnson was average this year with a couple of good games. And he's a bit of a malcontent with the whole contract thing. Washington has speed to burn and better hands than just about anyone the Raiders have now.

Having seen Johnson and Washington sent West, the Titans get McFadden, Terrelle Pryor and a second-round pick from the Raiders.

McFadden can replace Johnson. Pryor isn't going to get any reps in Oakland in their current scheme. In Tennessee, he gets a shot at QB. Hasselbeck is done, and Locker is...well, no lock. Pryor will also get a "Brad Smith"-like chance to play wideout and return kicks. He's that good of an athlete.

The Raiders would be, could be contenders if Johnson plays like the old Johnson, and Palmer gets time to throw the ball.

The Titans get younger and potentially more exciting. They need time, and these two guys have that.

Philip Rivers

Minnesota has the third pick in the draft. They need a QB but not a young one. They have enough to ponder with Christian.

Rivers would excel in the dome in Minneapolis. It's not that much different that the weather outdoors in San Diego.

The wideouts currently running routes in Minny include Michael Jenkins, Greg Camarillo and Devin Aromashodu. They had Bernard Berrian until the late October cutting. That's two ex-Bear receivers on one team. Not good.

Rivers and Vincent Jackson, in a sign-and-trade, both go to Minnesota.

Minnesota, trying to rebuild on the fly, send the third pick in the draft, which the Chargers use to take RGIII. Robert Griffin III would excel in San Diego.

It's a system not that unlike what he's running now. If he can keep his completion percentage up and INTs down, like he's done the last two years, it'll be a home run.

San Diego gets to go young, pairing with Ryan Matthews, while keeping Antonio Gates around as a safety valve.

San Diego would be a fun team to watch with all the youngsters around. They aren't going to win anything soon, but two to three years down the road, they could be AFC contenders again.

The Vikings, having already gotten Darrelle Revis, add the veteran QB and WR they need. This team could contend immediately if Adrian Petersen comes back healthy from knee surgery.