50 Fattest Soccer Players of All Time

Everybody loves a fat guy.

Am I right?

Fat guys are just nicer. They're usually funnier and they definitely have better personalities than those male model types.

And fat soccer players? Even better.

I mean, how can you play a sport like soccer, which requires literally several miles of running per match, and still be fat?

It's probably the funniest paradox of all time.

And these are the 50 fattest soccer players of all time.

Micky Quinn

Clubs: Wigan Athletic, Stockport County, Oldham Athletic, Portsmouth, Newcastle United, Coventry City, Playmouth Argyle, Watford, PAOK

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 1979-96

Position: Forward

Fun facts: Bears a striking resemblance to TV presenter Bob Carolgees.

Quinn once scored a hat-trick in a 3-0 away win at Arsenal.

That's probably why fans started the following chant: "He’s fat. He’s round. He scores at every ground.”

Mark Yardley

Clubs: Cowdenbeath, St. Mirren, Forfar Athletic, Albion Rovers

Country: Scotland (0 caps)

Years: 1994-2005

Position: Forward

Fun facts: Yardley and Albion Rovers parted ways in 2005, and Yardley thought it was a case of weight-discrimination. He said:

"

"Yes I am overweight, but I am not 20st. That's nonsense. I have not played a competitive game since last November so I am obviously not match-fit. But I don't know where all this talk came from about my weight."

"

Somehow, Yardley is still in St. Mirren's Hall of Fame.

Michael Keane

Clubs: Preston North End, Grimsby Town, Hull City, Rotherham United, St. Patricks Athletic

Country: Republic of Ireland (0 caps)

Years: 2000-08

Position: Midfielder

Fun facts: Keane really did get sacked for being too fat. Really. It happened in 2008.

He hasn't played anywhere professionally since then.

Also, he's  5'4".

Tony Meola

Clubs: Brighton and Hove Albion, Watford, Fort Lauderdale Strikers, Buffalo Blizzard, Long Island Rough Riders, New York/New Jersey MetroStars, Kansas City Wizards, New York Red Bulls, New Jersey Ironmen

Country: USA (100 caps, 0 goals)

Years: 1990-2006

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: After being released by Watford, Meola lowered his body fat from 14 percent to 9 percent with the help of his wife.

Meola's mom on why he became a goalie: "He was a fat kid. Ah, not fat but, well, a little butterball."

Meola on his hands: "Look at my hands. They're fat hands. On the national team, they call them the Meat Hooks."

Mark Bosnich

Clubs: Manchester United, Sydney United, Aston Villa, Chelsea, Central Coast Mariners, Sydney Olympic

Country: Australia (17 caps, 1 goal)

Years: 1989-2009

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: This was Bosnich in 2002.

Neville Southall

Clubs: Bury, Everton, Port Vale, Southend United, Stoke City, Torquay United, Huddersfield Town, Bradford City, York City, Rhyl, Shrewsbury Town, Dover Athletic, Dagenham and Redbrigde

Country: Wales (92 caps, 0 goals)

Years: 1980-2002

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: Southall was named Footballer of the Year by the writers in 1985. Ten years later, he was awarded the MBE for services to football.

Clearly it wasn't for managing his weight.

William "Fatty" Foulke

Clubs: Sheffield United, Chelsea, Bradford City

Country: England (1 cap, 0 goals)

Years: 1894-1907

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: He also played cricket for Derbyshire County Cricket Club.

After a contentious cup match in 1902, an unclothed Foulke chased the referee around the ground for a while. Now that's an image.

Andy Goram

Clubs: Oldham Athletic, Hibernian, Rangers, Notts County, Sheffield United, Motherwell, Manchester United, Hamilton Academical, Coventry City, Queen of the South, Elgin City

Country: Scotland (43 caps, 0 goals)

Years: 1981-2004

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: Goram represented the Scottish cricket team four times between 1989 and 1991.

Artur Boruc

Clubs: Pogon Siedlce, Legia Warsaw, Dolcan Zabki, Celtic, Fiorentina

Country: Poland (46 caps, 0 goals)

Years: 1998-present

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun fact: Boruc, a Roman Catholic, likes to bless himself before games. He did that—and allegedly made some other gestures—at Rangers fans a few years back. It nearly started a riot.

Kevin Pressman

Clubs: Sheffield Wednesday, Stoke City, West Bromwich Albion, Leicester City, Leeds United, Coventry City, Mansfield Town, Portadown, Scunthorpe United

Country: England (3 caps, 0 goals for England B)

Years: 1987-2009

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun facts: Pressman ranks second in post-World War II appearances for Sheffield Wednesday.

His brother is BBC radio presenter Howard Pressman.

Jim Stannard

Clubs: Fulham, Southend United, Charlton Athletic, Southend United, Fulham, Gillingham

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 1980-1999

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun fact: He set a record by conceding just 20 goals in the 46-match 1995-96 season with Gillingham.

Jeroen Verhoeven

Clubs: RKC Waalwijk, Volendam, Ajax

Country: Netherlands

Years: 2000-present

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun fact(s): Verhoeven has made three league appearances since joining Ajax in 2009.

Jose Luis Chilavert

Clubs: Sportivo Luqueño, Guarani, San Lorenzo, Zaragoza, Velez Sarsfield, Strasbourg, Peñarol, Velez Sarsfield

Country: Paraguay (74 caps, 8 goals)

Years: 1982-2004

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun fact(s): Yep, he scored eight goals for Paraguay despite playing goalkeeper. He often took penalties.

Brian Jensen

Clubs: B.93, AZ Alkmaar, Hvidovre, West Bromwich Albion, Burnley

Country: Denmark (0 caps)

Years: 1993-present

Position: Goalkeeper

Fun fact(s): Before joining West Brom in 2000, Jensen had compiled four total league appearances at his previous three clubs.

Salvador Cabañas

Clubs: 12 de Octubre, Guarani, Audax Italiano, Jaguares de Chiapas, America

Country: Paraguay (44 caps, 10 goals)

Years: 1998-2010

Position: Winger/forward

Not fun fact: Cabañas was shot in the head inside a Mexico City bar in January 2010.

Fun fact: He survived

Alfonso Rodriguez

Clubs: Unknown

Country: Unknown

Fun facts: Unknown. His name just always pops up when you search for fat footballers.

Leider Preciado

Clubs: Millonarios, CD El Condor, Cucuta Deportivo, Santa Fe, Racing Santander, CD Toledo, Racing Santander, Santa Fe, Once Caldas, Deportivo Cali, Santa Fe, Al Shabab, Santa Fe, Sociedad Deportivo Quito Deportes Quindio, Santa Fe

Country: Colombia (11 caps, 4 goals)

Years: 1995-present

Position: Forward

Fun facts: By our count, he's played for Santa Fe five times now.

Charlie Miller

Clubs: Rangers, Leicester City, Watford, Dundee United, SK Brann, Lierse, Brisbane Roar, Gold Coast United, Clyde

Country: Scotland (1 cap, 0 goals)

Years: 1993-2011

Position: Attacking midfielder

Fun fact: Miller was involved in a pub brawl in 1997. The fight started over the singing of sectarian songs.

Cristian Fabbiani

Clubs: Lanus, Palestino, Beitar Jerusalem, CFR Cluj, Newell's Old Boys, River Plate, All Boys, Independiente Rivadavia

Country: Argentina (0 caps)

Years: 2001-present

Position: Forward

Fun facts: Fabbiani's nickname is "El Ogro."

He's played in Argentina, Chile, Israel and Romania.

Sammy Lee

Clubs: Liverpool, Queens Park Rangers, CA Osasuna, Southampton, Bolton Wanderers

Country: England (14 caps, 2 goals)

Years: 1976-91

Position: Midfielder

Fun facts: Lee is 5'2".

Mehdi Ben Slimane

Clubs: AS Marsa, Olympique Marseille, SC Freiburg, Borussia Monchengladbach, Al-Nassr, Club Africain

Country: Tunisia (13 caps, 2 goals)

Years: 1994-2002

Position: Forward

Fun fact: Slim played for Tunisia at the 1998 World Cup.

Neil Shipperley

Clubs: Chelsea, Watford, Southampton, Crystal Palace, Nottingham Forest, Barnsley, Wimbledon, Crystal Palace, Sheffield United, Brentford

Country: England (U21: 7 caps, 3 goals)

Years: 1992-2007

Position: Center forward

Fun fact: When he played for Chelsea, this is what Shipperley looked like.

What happened?

Adam Proudlock

Clubs: Wolverhampton Wanderers, Clyde, Nottingham Forest, Tranmere Rovers, Sheffield Wednesday, Ipswich Town, Stockport County, Darlington, Grimsby Town, AFC Telford United

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 1998-present

Position: Forward

Not-all-that-fun fact: Proudlock was named Scottish Division One player of the month for August 2000.

Leon Clarke

Clubs: Wolverhampton Wanderers, Kidderminster Harriers, Queens Park Rangers, Plymouth Argyle, Sheffield Wednesday, Oldham Athletic, Southend United, Queens Park Rangers, Preston North End, Swindon Town, Chesterfield

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 2003-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact: When he played for Swindon Town, Clarke got into an altercation with manager Paolo di Canio

Danny Reet

Clubs: Sheffield Wednesday, Bury, Mansfield Town, Rochdale, Alfreton Town, Dinnington Town, Buxton

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 2005-09

Position: Forward

Fun fact: None

Neil Mellor

Clubs: xxx

Country: xxx

Years: xxx

Position: xxx

Fun fact(s): xxx

Collin Samuel

Clubs: Doc's Khelwalaas, San Juan Jabloteh, Falkirk, Dundee United, Toronto FC, St. Johnstone, Luton Town

Country: Trinidad and Tobago (24 caps, 5 goals)

Years: 1998-2011

Position: Winger/forward

Fun fact(s): Samuel started T&T's opening match of the 2006 World Cup against Sweden. The match finished in a scoreless draw.

Ailton

Clubs: Ypiranga, Internacional, Mogi Mirim, Santa Cruz, Guarani, Tigres UNAL, Werder Bremen, Schalke 04, Besiktas, Hamburg, Red Star Belgrade, Grasshopper, MSV Duisburg, Metalurh Donetsk, SCR Attach, Campinense, Chongquing Lifan, Uerdingen 05, FC Obermeuland, Rio Branco

Country: Brazil

Years: 1993-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Yep, that's 20 clubs. Count 'em.

Sol Campbell

Clubs: Tottenham Hotspur, Arsenal, Portsmouth, Notts County, Arsenal, Newcastle United

Country: England (73 caps, 1 goal)

Years: 1992-2011

Position: Defender

Fun fact(s): He once told a Spurs fan mag that he'd never play for Arsenal. Oops.

John Hartson

Clubs: Luton Town, Arsenal, West Ham United, Wimbledon, Coventry City, Celtic, West Bromwich Albion, Norwich City

Country: Wales (51 caps, 14 goals)

Years: 1992-2007

Position: Forward

Sylvan Ebanks-Blake

Clubs: Manchester United, Royal Antwerp, Plymouth Argyle, Wolverhampton Wanderers

Country: England (1 cap, 0 goals for U21)

Years: 2004-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): He won back-to-back Golden Boot awards as top scorer in the Championship in 2007-08 and 2008-09.

Jon Parkin

Clubs: Barnsley, Hartlepool United, York City, Macclesfield Town, Hull City, Stoke City, Preston North End, Cardiff City, Doncaster Rovers, Huddersfield Town

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 1998-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Parkin has been on loan at six clubs: Hartlepool United, York City, Stoke City, Preston North End, Doncaster Rovers and Huddersfield Town.

He's also played for four clubs with "City" in their names.

Tomas Brolin

Clubs: Nasvikens IK, GIF Sundsvall, IFK Norrkoping, Parma, Leeds United, FC Zurich, Parma, Crystal Palace, Hudiksvalls ABK

Country: Sweden

Years: 1984-98

Position: Forward/attacking midfielder

Fun fact(s): He retired at age 29 and now features on the World Series of Poker.

Tom Huddlestone

Clubs: Derby County, Tottenham Hotspur, Wolverhampton Wanderers

Country: England (3 caps, 0 goals)

Years: 2003-present

Position: Midfielder

Andy Reid

Clubs: Nottingham Forest, Tottenham Hotspur, Charlton Athletic, Sunderland, Sheffield United, Blackpool, Nottingham Forest

Country: Republic of Ireland (27 caps, 4 goals)

Years: 2000-present

Position: Midfielder

Fun fact(s): He's not even the fattest Andy Reid in sports. This is the fattest Andy Reid in sports.

Dean Windass

Clubs: North Ferriby United, Hull City, Aberdeen, Oxford United, Bradford City, Middlesbrough, Sheffield Wednesday, Sheffield United, Bradford City, Hull City, Oldham Athletic, Darlington, Barton Town Old Boys, Scarborough Athletic

Country: England (0 caps)

Years: 1990-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Windass has retired as a professional, but at the age of 42, he still plays for Scarborough Athletic on a game-by-game basis.

Neil Ruddock

Clubs: Milwall, Tottenham Hotspur, Milwall, Southampton, Tottenham Hotspur, Liverpool, Queens Park Rangers, West Ham United, Crystal Palace, Swindon Town

Country: England (1 cap, 0 goals)

Years: 1986-2003

Position: Defender

Fun fact(s): Ruddock famously had weight clauses inserted into the contracts offered to him late in his career.

In 2000, Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan said: "Harry Redknapp told me to make sure I had a weight clause in his contract – 98 kilos, or whatever. And if he's over that then fine him 10% of his wages. That is the only way to ensure you get a fit and focused Ruddock."

Mark Viduka

Clubs: Melbourne Knights, Croatia Zagreb, Celtic, Leeds United, Middlesbrough, Newcastle United

Country: Australia (43 caps, 11 goals)

Years: 1993-2009

Position: Forward

Jan Molby

Clubs: Kolding, Ajax, Liverpool, Barnsley, Norwich City, Swansea City

Country: Denmark (33 caps, 2 goals)

Years: 1981-98

Position: Midfielder

Fun fact(s): Molby was named an Honorary Scouser by the Lord Mayor of Liverpool in 2009.

Mido

Clubs: Zamalek, Gent, Ajax, Celta Vigo, Marseille, Roma, Tottenham Hotspur, Middlesbrough, Wigan Athletic, Zamalek, West Ham United, Ajax, Zamalek

Country: Egypt (51 caps, 20 goals)

Years: 1999-2011

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Mido is in his third spell with Egyptian club Zamalek.

Paul Gascoigne

Clubs: Newcastle United, Tottenham Hotspur, Lazio, Rangers, Middlesbrough, Everton, Burnley, Gansu Tianma, Boston United

Country: England (57 caps, 10 goals)

Years: 1985-2004

Position: Midfielder

Ivan Valenciano

Clubs: Junior, Atalanta, Junior, Veracruz, Morelia, Independiente Medellin, Junior, Gama, Deportivo Cali Deportes Quindio, Olmedo, Millonarios, Deportes Quindio, Junior, Olmedo, Centauros

Country: Colombia (29 caps, 13 goals)

Years: 1988-2007

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Valenciano played for Junior four separate times. He also had multiple spells at Deportes Quindio and Olmedo.

Adriano

Clubs: Flamengo, Inter Milan, Fiorentina, Parma, Sao Paulo, Flamengo, Roma, Corinthians

Country: Brazil (48 caps, 27 goals)

Years: 2000-present

Position: Forward

John Barnes

Clubs: Watford, Liverpool, Newcastle United, Charlton Athletic, Celtic

Country: England (79 caps, 11 goals)

Years: 1981-2000

Position: Winger

Benni McCarthy

Clubs: Seven Stars, Ajax, Celta Vigo, Porto, Blackburn Rovers, West Ham United, Orlando Pirates

Country: South Africa (79 caps, 31 goals)

Years: 1995-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): He was omitted from South Africa's 2010 World Cup squad for being overweight. Nice work, Benni, that wasn't a once-in-a-lifetime event or anything.

Ferenc Puskas

Clubs: Kispest, Budapest Honved, Real Madrid

Country: Hungary (85 caps, 84 goals)

Years: 1943-66

Position: Inside-left

Fun fact(s): Puskas used a fake name, Miklos Kovacs, to get around minimum-age rules.

Ronaldinho

Clubs: Gremio, PSG, Barcelona, AC Milan, Flamengo

Country: Brazil (93 caps, 33 goals)

Years: 1998-present

Position: Forward/attacking midfielder

Fun fact(s): His brother Roberto serves as his manager. His sister Deisi is his press coordinator.

Wayne Rooney

Clubs: Everton, Manchester United

Country: England (73 caps, 28 goals)

Years: 2002-present

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Rooney had a hair transplant last summer at the age of 25.

And he also looks like Shrek.

Ronaldo

Clubs: Cruzeiro, PSV, Barcelona, Inter Milan, Real Madrid, AC Milan, Corinthians

Country: Brazil (98 caps, 62 goals)

Years: 1993-2011

Position: Forward

Fun fact(s): Ronaldo, who at his peak looked like this, has had long-term relationships with this woman, this woman, this woman and this woman.

After his fourth child, he had a vasectomy.

And he was involved in a scandal with a transvestite.

Diego Maradona

Clubs: Argentinos Juniors, Boca Juniors, Barcelona, Napoli, Sevilla, Newwell's Old Boys, Boca Juniors

Country: Argentina (91 caps, 34 goals)

Years: 1976-97

Position: Forward/attacking midfielder

Fun fact(s): His whole life.