Mexican Soccer: Ranking Each Team's Nickname and Mascot

Jerry Sanchez@jerrysan_3Correspondent IAugust 17, 2011

Mexican Soccer: Ranking Each Team's Nickname and Mascot

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    If you haven't noticed by now, I'm a big fan of Mexican soccer.

    However, one of the funniest subjects when it comes to Mexican soccer is the fact that some of the team's mascots are hilarious. The good thing is that some are actually interesting and don't make the fans embarrass themselves. So here we go, and I will rank the mascots of all 18 teams in the league.

    The Criteria:

    How powerful the mascot is in real life

    How cool it is

18. Puebla

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    Yeah. That's their nickname. "Los Camoteros" which translates into "Sweet Potato Growers". I will rank the sweet potato.

    The ranking:

    So if you had to choose between a potato or pen to beat down a robber, which would you choose? Not a potato! 1/10

    Sweet potatoes are good. I guess they're somewhat cool. 5/10

    The verdict:

    Though sweet potatoes are tasty, the fact that this is a nickname for a club is not that intimidating. They finish off with an 6/20 in ranking.

17. Morelia

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    In second to last place comes the Monarchs from Morelia.

    The ranking:

    I'm not sure what a monarch would do to you other than maybe just sit on you as you enjoy it. 1/10

    Okay, it is a somewhat beautiful creature. But then again, people don't enjoy bugs that much. Butterflies must be an exception I guess. 5/10

    The verdict:

    Ties with Puebla, but Morelia is a much better team. 6/20

16. Queretaro

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    In at the 16th spot comes "Los Gallos Blancos" meaning the "White Roosters". Let's see how this goes.

    The ranking:

    Roosters can peck really hard. I learned that the hard way at my grandma's house in Mexico. 4/10

    Roosters wake you up right when you're asleep! Not cool, man. 3/10

    The verdict:

    While roosters peck hard, the fact that they're annoying and keep you up with their "cock-a-doodle-doo!' makes them a very unlikeable animal. 7/20

15. Estudiantes Tecos

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    Coming in next is the "Tecolotes" which are owls. In some ways, owls are beautiful birds and other times they can be kind of creepy depending on which ones you look at.

    The ranking:

    I'm not certain how powerful they are, but what they do to mice at night is pretty sweet. 3/10

    Owls are mainly cool for being the companions of most students in the blockbuster movie franchise, "Harry Potter". I love the "Harry Potter" series so owls definitely are cool. 5/10

    The verdict:

    Even though "Harry Potter" is amazing, that's not enough to advance them higher into the list. 8/20

14. Monterrey

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    Monterrey's nickname, "Los Rayados" translates into "The Striped Ones". Oh, how scary! A man in a striped shirt is going to get me. It goes great for their jersey, but as a nickname, it's not going to make people think it's cool being a "striped one".

    The ranking:

    I'm not sure if a guy in a striped shirt is going to hurt you unless he's got a knife or something. However, the team plays great so I'll be sympathetic. 5/10

    Not only does "The Striped Ones" doesn't sound frightening, it's not that cool overall. The jersey is nice though. 4/10

    The verdict:

    Not much to say other than it is noticeable that I don't fancy "Los Rayados" as a nickname. 9/20

13. Pachuca

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    Pachuca's nickname happen to be "Los Tuzos" which means gopher.

    The ranking:

    I bet their teeth are so powerful that they could bite our skin off. That's basically it. 4/10

    Gophers are cool for mainly two reasons. One, they can dig extremely fast making them less prone to being eaten. Two, one appeared in "Winnie the Pooh", making gophers friendly. 6/10

    The verdict:

    Same goes for the gophers. Just because it appeared in something I really enjoy, doesn't mean it's going to rank high. We're so much closer to getting to the awesome nicknames/mascots.

12. Guadalajara

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    The 12th spot goes to "Las Chivas" from Guadalajara. Easily one of the most recognizable mascots, this goat isn't good enough to make it farther.

    The ranking:

    Goats do have horns that could hurt you. However, imagine if a freaking ram was heading your way! Goats have nothing on that. 5/10

    I don't think goats are that cool unless your a "Chivas" fan. I absolutely am not. 5/10

    It has the same ranking as the gopher, but this comes before, given the fact that Guadalajara has had more success than Pachuca. 10/20

11. Tijuana

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    The 11th spot goes to the ugly "Perros Aztecas" meaning "Aztec Dogs".

    The ranking:

    Now a dog can be very vicious, but judging from the pictures I've seen from these dogs, I came up with the conclusion that they are skinny, and very ugly. 5/10

    I love dogs and most people do too. However, if these dogs were much cuter, I'd rank them much higher. 6/10

    The verdict:

    These poor dogs are ugly and look very annoying. They end the mediocre mascots and we can now begin the top ten. 11/20

10. Chiapas

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    Starting off the Top 10 is "Los Jaguares" from Chiapas. The vicious jaguars can strike at any time. Very different from the mediocre soccer club.

    The ranking:

    Like I said, they can grab their prey at anytime. They have incredible leaping ability as well as great biting. 7/10

    Jaguars' fur is something that really captivate people's wardrobes and would be an ideal exotic pet, in my opinion. 6/10

    The verdict:

    As hard as they are to be seen in the jungle, the fans are almost exactly like that. It's hard to find a fan of the jaguars, maybe because they can't pick up their play. 13/20

9. Atlas

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    "Los Zorros" from Atlas are also a team from Guadalajara. Though not as successful, I would take a fox over a goat any day.

    The ranking:

    A fox is a wild dog that is not a successful animal. It has the life span of ten years but sometimes only lives up to three because of it's horrible hunting. 5/10

    Their orange and brown fur make it adorable. I would love to own a fox one day but that's a fantasy. 8/10

    The verdict:

    Even though the foxes are extremely likeable animals, their failure in survival techniques make them less of a mascot than the rest. 13/20

8. Atlante

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    "Los Potros de Hiero" translates into the "Colts of Steel". Even though colts are basically baby horses, they rank up here.

    The ranking:

    They end up growing into powerful horses. Even though at this point they are technically babies, the fact that they can grow and run fast makes them powerful. They don't eat other animals, but can easily outrun them. 8/10

    I've ridden these horses before and they are pretty cool. The only factor that makes them rank at number seven is when they're running, they hurt the family jewels. 6/10

    The verdict:

    These baby horses are great! To ride them is way different than to just see them up close. 14/20

7. San Luis

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    San Luis' nickname is not a frequently used one, yet the "Gladiators" are powerful.

    The ranking:

    Gladiators are well equiped and certainly must be really strong. I'm sure you don't want to mess with them. 9/10

    Gladiators are actually cool. They are violent and don't stop at anything. However, I'm not into all that kind of Roman stuff. 5/10

    The verdict:

    The second of four teams that have the ranking of 14/20

6. Toluca

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    Toluca is the third installment in the teams that rank the same. They are the "Red Devils".

    The ranking:

    Okay, I know they are supposed to be way more intimidating and scarier than that but this photo is really funny! However, a real scary devil is not someone I'd be looking to go up against. 9/10

    I don't support the whole devil thing so I personally don't think they're cool. However, it is a great mascot that should be feared. 5/10

    The verdict:

    Not only are the devils feared, but the team Toluca is as well. 14/20

5. Pumas

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    You should obviously know what "Pumas" stand for given the brand of clothing.

    The ranking:

    Cougars are downright scary. They can grow up to be the height of an adult human and can stalk and ambush another animal in stealthy fashion. 8/10

    They can prey on elk, moose, deer, and animals almost twice their size. That's cool. 6/10

    The verdict:

    Cougars make a great mascot. The actual animal is intimidating and scary. 14/20 They rank the same as Atlante and San Luis, however they have greater success in the Mexican League.

4. Tigres

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    "Tigres" aren't the most successful team, but their mascot sure is a frightening one.

    The ranking:

    Sadly, most tigers are endangered. Yet these felines can bring down animals twice their size. Their legs and shoulders are incredibly built. I would never want to be alone with a tiger. 9/10

    Tiger fur is usually a fashionable piece of clothing. Not only that, but the white tiger is also an awesome family member to the original tiger. 7/10

    The verdict:

    Tigers are scary and fashionable. What can be better than that? 16/20

3. Cruz Azul

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    Cruz Azul is a unique club. Their nickname is the "Maquina Azul" meaning the "Blue Machine" and their mascot is a rabbit. I chose the obvious one and picked to go with the machine.

    The ranking:

    Machines can usually be anything between a robot, a washing machine, and Sasha Vujacic. Unlike Vujacic, this machine is scary. 10/10

    Now, machines are generally cool. Especially the bunny machine shown to the left. 7/10

    The verdict:

    The "Blue Machine" is a great mascot because machines can be scary and usually Cruz Azul is too. 17/20

2. America

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    America's mascot of the eagle comes in at number two.

    The ranking:

    An eagle is a beautiful creature. It is also deadly;, feeding on blood thirsty animals like snakes. Their beak is larger than other birds and they have strong legs. Their amazing eyesight enables them to catch prey faster and better than other creatures. 7/10

    I love eagles and not only are they a majestic animal and interesting to look at, they are also the symbol of several things like the President's seal. 10/10

    The verdict:

    America's eagle ties with Cruz Azul's machine but America has been way more successful. 17/20

1. Santos

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    And at number one, we have the "Saints".

    The ranking:

    A saint can do whatever it pleases. Enough said. 10/10

    Saints can answer our prayers just like God. They can help us when we need it. 10/10

    The verdict:

    Santos easily has the best mascot.

    Let me know what you guys think by commenting! Thanks for the read.