Will Wayne Rooney's Form Finally Improve? Never Mind The Bollocks

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Will Wayne Rooney's Form Finally Improve? Never Mind The Bollocks
Michael Regan/Getty Images
World Cup disaster was self-fulfilling prophecy

It shouldn't take Wayne Rooney allegedly cheating on his wife to introduce the realization that most people eventually cheat on their spouses; especially rich people.

If you want to know why, it's unlikely that scrutinizing his arbitrary situation, of millions of others, will bring that final clarity to your world view. So who cares?

When our vicariousness extends into the personal lives of footballers, it reflects more poorly on us than it does on them. Presumably people like Rooney are revered for their footballing skill, not their moral fabric. It's not my business what he did, and I don't care, because I don't care what kind of person he is, I just care how he plays.

But the one can relate to the other. Sunshine disinfects, and now, hopefully alleviated of some of the guilt and shame that faithfully accompanies deceit and disloyalty, Rooney's form has only one place to go—the same direction his member is inclined <honk honk>: up.

His form has been the worst of his career for the last six months, the same time period that News of the World were threatening to publish his scandal.

Imagine his plight: He was a young husband and a new father, with the most rabid media culture in the world forever prying into his private life. Upon his small head, he carried the hopes and sad vicarious needs of his rapacious nation throughout their abysmal World Cup.

All this while being essentially blackmailed by England's most salacious news carrier and lying to his wife, family, and self.

At least now, that stress is mostly gone. The world is off his shoulders. Better for him that everyone know he's a reprobate than for him to have to hide it all the time.

The painful process, only just now underway, will be a cathartic one, and it will matter most importantly: Both helping to account for his dismal form from last April and ushering in a less-harbored Rooney playing more carefree and more effectively.

Beyond that, I don't care and nor should you.

The only way to change a regrettable subculture is by not participating in it. Blame Rooney for his trade on the field only and leave the rest to hopefully less and less of lesser people.

 

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