Beefs We Want to See Play Out Later in NBA Playoffs
Worthwhile NBA beefs are few and far between these days. Opposing players have known each other for years. They hang out off the court. They are, by and large, able to separate the competition from real life.
And good for them. Life is too short to last long carry grudges that originate during games.
Still, a little animosity in the throes of the postseason crucible never hurt anyone (unless you're LeBron James' groin). Emotion is good. It infers commitment. In some ways, it connects the fans to the players, supporting the hope that these millionaire athletes are as impacted by wins and losses, triumphs and defeats, as the ticket buyers using sports to escape from their everyday grind.
To address your eye-rolling: Yes, this is deliberately wishy-washy—a shameless attempt at creating an excuse to riff on basketball beefs that would be dope to see before the postseason ends.
Some of these feuds are pre-existing and presented in hopes we get to see them return. Others are invented—rivalries that aren't yet a thing but would make good theater.
Since so many NBA players are BFFLs, this isn't limited to ongoing playoff sets. It goes beyond that, into potential matchups for later rounds, with each desired quarrel being presented in order of increasing (hypothetical) awesomeness.
Jae Crowder vs. John Wall('s Nose)
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It was decided at this writing we could recycle jokes. Verbal pollution is an epidemic, and we must do our best to protect the environment.
Plus, Jae Crowder actually poked John Wall in the nose. Parts of his finger grazed Wall's nostrils and everything. (Aside: Watching the video and bellowing "boop" every time Crowder touches Wall's nose is just the right amount of fun.)
It happened Jan. 11, just after the Boston Celtics secured a 117-108 victory over the Washington Wizards. Both teams lingered because this is the NBA, teams get petty after mid-January tilts, and Marcus Smart has clearly rubbed off on the rest of the Celtics.
Crowder and Wall exchanged what we can only assume were the exact opposite of "Good job, good effort" pleasantries. Then, without warning, Crowder prodded Wall's nose, because this is how adults settle disputes over a game. Wall retaliated, but his poke/slap wasn't as effective. "Can't finger-jab moving targets" should have been on his scouting report out of college. No way the Wizards select him first overall if they knew of this limitation.
Police officers stood guard outside the locker rooms afterward, because the Celtics' help defense was trash for the month of January and they needed people to make the right rotations. Also: safety first.
Look, I'm going to be honest: This beef isn't spectacular, though Boston and Washington did get chippier than usual in Game 2. The Eastern Conference can be so boring. There's not a lot for other teams to fight over when LeBron James exists. Most of them know they're just prolonging the inevitable.
But Crowder has done his damnedest to troll Washington. Consider what he said after Boston poached Al Horford in free agency, per MassLive's Tom Westerholm: "He's a perfect fit. That's what we were telling him. He had Washington and some other teams looking at him, but we beat them four times this year. You don't want to go there."
We have to respect this. Besides, who among us doesn't want to see the Celtics and Wizards set the NBA record for postgame nose-boop scuffles in a best-of-seven series?
Patrick Beverley vs. Stephen Curry
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Patrick Beverley will be taking a break from his role as Deputy of Chaos in the second round. The San Antonio Spurs are an unexcitable bunch unless you're violently caressing Dewayne Dedmon's throat.
Even then, the five-time Tim Duncan moochers aren't about that life. Dedmon was left to fend for himself against three members of the Houston Rockets during his Game 1 dust-up. It wasn't until Jonathon Simmons ran over and Patty Mills pretended to be interested that he received any support.
Beverley must go to great lengths to incite mayhem against this bunch—particularly when he spends most of his time on the court seeing how far he can drift off a stashed-in-the-strong-side-corner Tony Parker before it becomes a problem.
Any chance Beverley has at mimicking his beef with Russell Westbrook awaits in a potential Western Conference Finals matchup against the Golden State Warriors. He would spend ample time on Stephen Curry, whom he bumped elbows with in the second round of last year's playoffs.
Granted, that dispute lasted about a half-second. The two are off-court pals. Curry even told reporters at the time that Beverley isn't a dirty player, but rather, he "plays hard" and "tries to get under your skin."
Counterpoint: Beverley isn't out to make friends on the court. He'll be looking for every psychological edge now more than ever with Kevin Durant on the Warriors. He and Curry almost threw down once. It could happen again.
And boy, would that be swell. It's always good to see Curry step out his golden-child persona—his mouthpiece didn't throw itself into the stands during Game 6 of the NBA Finals—and Beverley gets paid, I believe, by the squabble.
To be clear, this isn't an advocation for violence. A few choice words, a little finger pointing, maybe some shoving, a snarky "3-1 lead" crack—that'll do just fine.
Gregg Popovich vs. David Fizdale's "Take That for Data" Rant
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Memphis Grizzlies head coach David Fizdale is no longer in the playoffs, but he doesn't need to be. His "take that for data" and "they're not gonna rook us" mic drops live on forever.
We, the people, deserve a comparable postgame rant—a message from another coach that proves, even if indirectly, Fizdale isn't the lone expert of lingual detonations.
Good thing Gregg Popovich's Spurs are still alive.
Coach Pop is typically a man of few words, but heroic-bordering-on-hyperbolic diatribes needn't be long. Substance over length is fine.
"What do I know?" Popovich asked rhetorically one day after the Spurs were blown out by the Rockets in Game 1, per the San Antonio Express-News' Jeff McDonald. "We just lost by 50."
Something like this works, as long as it's more melodramatic. Maybe Popovich declares that Tim Duncan played more defense than anyone the next time San Antonio gives up 20-plus three-pointers. Or perhaps, following another loss, someone asks him if the Spurs have a chance to win the next game. And rather than Chris Paul-ing the response, he could instead list off all the reasons why his team will lose.
Heck, maybe Popovich's mic drop comes after a victory. He could be really vibing himself and decide it's a good time to explain why prime Michael Jordan would cower in fear of Kawhi Leonard. Or he could roll up to the presser with a glass of red wine and respond to every question with a note on how to properly let tannins breathe, which cheeses pair best with pinot noirs and why coaching Manu Ginobili has led him to pouring shiraz in his morning oatmeal.
Anything from Pop that compares to Fizdale's epic tirade would be welcomed. The playoffs need it, and the people deserve it.
Draymond Green vs. Rudy Gobert
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If you don't want to see the two favorites for Defensive Player of the Year figure out a way to colorfully despise each other in front of the cameras, you hate fun. Related: Draymond Green is anti-fun.
"I can't play defense against his defense," he said of Rudy Gobert, per the Bay Area News Group's Anthony Slater. "It don't matter."
This is true, but Green and Gobert can pit their defense against the other's offense. Green still soaks up time at center, and the Utah Jazz could, for the sake of this feud that isn't (yet), leave Gobert on the floor so the two can go toe-to-toe.
Imagine Green's speed facing Gobert's length. Switchability against size. Groin kicks opposite the potential for legendary clotheslines. Doc Rivers' vocal twin versus French swear words.
Tensions should be high enough between Golden State and Utah in the second round, because it's the second round, but just in case Gobert needs (to grasp at) a reason to loathe his counterpart's existence, here's what Green told USA Today's Sam Amick back in March about playing defense in today's league:
"No disrespect, but I think when you look at today's game, the object is to actually stop the three, as opposed to not giving up a two. So you have to be able to do multiple things.
That's kind of the way I look at it. Like I said, Rudy is great at what he does, and I think he has changed games. But I think this is, like you said, a guard-heavy league and being able to switch onto guards and being able to defend one through five, just being able to play no matter who's out there on the floor, and you're not at a disadvantage, I think it helps.
"
Now, I'm not one to stir up trouble, but it's clear Green was calling Carlos Boozer a better rim protector than Gobert. This seems like an issue that needs to be settled on the hardwood with bruising half-court defense, some cliche trash talk and maybe a few well-placed swear words aimed at critiquing Gobert's wannabe Harry Potter-tribute haircut and Green's Snapchat snafu.
Kevin Durant vs. James Harden
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It's the fourth quarter in Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. James Harden hits a three to put the Rockets up one, their first lead of the series, inside two minutes to play.
He turns to trot back on defense, stirring a pot that isn't there as he goes, much to the delight of Houston's home crowd. Kevin Durant, deliberately, bumps into him hard on his own way down the court.
"Aye, cupcake!" Harden retorts, animatedly throwing himself to the floor two seconds too late, reacting to the contact. "At least Russ ain't no bandwagon-boarding coward!"
"I'm rubber; you're glue!" Durant says, making zero sense. "And rubber getting ready to sweep."
"Puh-lease," Harden yells. "JaVale [McGee] carrying your a--."
"Sam [Dekker] carrying yours!"
"Can't hear you! Too busy admiring Russ' loyalty."
"Remember when they paid Enes [Kanter] more than you?"
"Remember how good your tribute video was?"
"Shouldn't you be working on your MVP concession speech, clown?!?!"
Meanwhile, as Durant and Harden trade verbal jabs, the remaining members of the Rockets and Warriors play out another nine possessions. The game ends. Golden State wins by four.
Clearly, this is possible. Players always chirp about months-old Instagram posts and awards races in the heat of competition.
Harden has thus far avoided real confrontation with either of his former teammates. But Durant has already jawed with Westbrook and Andre Roberson in his first season away from Oklahoma City. He might as well complete his transition into villainy by (temporarily) torching bridges with Harden—second-round results willing, of course.
Kawhi Leonard vs. Smiles
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This is big.
Kawhi Leonard has smiled before. The above picture is proof. A quick Google search will turn up other images of him flashing his teeth. But a beaming Leonard is such a rare sight that him versus the urge to smile is a very real thing.
There is a pretty cool, and blurry, pic of Leonard standing next to Popovich, in a beanie, with an organic-looking grin on his face. This begs some questions.
Like, first of all, does Leonard even get the urge to smile? Or are all his simpers contrived? They look unnatural enough, most of the time, for the latter to be true. And many of his smirks come during photo shoots, be they branded ones, Spurs pictures, All-Star modeling or something else.
Is it possible Leonard just tries following Duncan's lead? Has Popovich touted his stony-faced disposition so much he views displays of happiness on the court as taboo? We know he's more vocal in huddles these days, but will he noticeably celebrate a thunderous dunk or his own crunch-time heroism in these playoffs?
Or, perhaps, is this it? Will Leonard just go about his business, on the league's biggest stage, playing some of the best basketball we've ever seen, never expressing himself spiritedly enough for us to know he's more human than humanoid?
Deep down, we all know the answers to these questions. But things can change. Leonard can change. People around him can change.
Maybe, just maybe, after Leonard's next playoff masterpiece, Duncan will hit him up on AIM and let him know there's no shame in smiling like you mean it.
Draymond Green vs. LeBron James
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Whatever happens between Draymond Green and LeBron James on the hardwood, they'll probably make up on a later date at the UNINTERRUPTED offices. That brevity behind any potential beef detracts from the appeal.
And yet, we still need to see them talk smack and just generally annoy the crap out of each other.
It was James who pestered Green beyond his breaking point in Game 4 of the NBA Finals. And then came the punch in the family jewels heard 'round the world. Green was suspended for Game 5, the Warriors blew a 3-1 series lead, the Cleveland Cavaliers won their first-ever championship and J.R. Smith never wore a shirt again.
Fast forward to Jan. 16, midway through the second quarter of Golden State's win over Cleveland, and James is crumpling to the floor after colliding with Green on the run. Did James flop? Was Green's swipe at the ball malicious?
Is this what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object after the immovable object stole the unstoppable force's candy?
"I think his shoulder hit me in the face," James told reporters afterward. "It happened so fast, I didn't even know who it was. I'm a football player."
He thinks Green's shoulder hit him? So, for all he knows, it could have been the ghost of Michael Jordan?
If the Cavaliers and Warriors meet in the NBA Finals for a third consecutive year, as most expect, Green and James should once again be the game within the game. There's no telling what altercations, both verbal and physical, will await.
The postgame pressers should be L-I-T. Maybe James gets flagrantly fouled by Green, then shows up to the podium wearing football pads. Maybe the Warriors sweep the Cavaliers and Green tweets about how this is the second year in a row he's banned from playing in Game 5. The possibilities are endless.
Cavaliers vs. Warriors
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Yes, the Cavaliers and Warriors, as aggregates, get separate love for their burgeoning hate.
There's too much history between them. They've each earned a championship at the expense of the other. Curry has won more MVP awards than James over the last five seasons. Smith and Klay Thompson have yet to figure out who's better at sliding into the DMs. Durant adds another layer of intrigue. Green and Kevin Love are overdue for a mid-game tussle.
And most importantly, there's the reverse psychology of it all.
"We don't look at it as a rival," James said in January, per Cleveland.com's Joe Vardon.
"I don't have much love for the Cleveland Cavaliers at all, nor do I think they have much love for us," Green told TNT after Golden State's January win over Cleveland (via CBSSports.com' James Herbert). "And that's what makes it fun to play against each other. That's the true meaning of building a rivalry, which I think this has become a rivalry."
"I think any time a team plays back-to-back years in the NBA Finals, and a lot of fans around the country are looking to that third matchup, especially with those guys acquiring Kevin Durant, I think it’s a rivalry," Cavaliers head coach Tyronn Lue told ESPN's Mike & Mike at the end of April (h/t Fear The Sword).
Is this a rivalry? Is it not a rivalry? How many mouthpieces will Curry cycle through for the series? Will James invite Kanter and Westbrook to sit courtside for Game 3? Might the Warriors don "Defend Our Ground" warm-ups during layup lines? Will the first 10,000 fans at Quicken Loans Arena for Game 4 receive groin protectors?
Let's stop here, because I, like you, am starting to pine.
Dan Favale covers the NBA for Bleacher Report. Follow him on Twitter (@danfavale) and listen to his Hardwood Knocks podcast co-hosted by B/R's Andrew Bailey.
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