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OAKLAND, CA - MAY 30: Stephen Curry #30 of the Golden State Warriors speaks with Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder after their 96-88 win in Game Seven of the Western Conference Finals during the 2016 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on May 30, 2016 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
OAKLAND, CA - MAY 30: Stephen Curry #30 of the Golden State Warriors speaks with Kevin Durant #35 of the Oklahoma City Thunder after their 96-88 win in Game Seven of the Western Conference Finals during the 2016 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on May 30, 2016 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

How Every NBA Team Should Sum Up Its 2015-16 Season on Twitter

Dan FavaleJun 16, 2016

Every NBA team is about to get a Twitter account named after its 2015-16 season.

That is a serious statement. We never joke about fake Twitter musings. That would be weird.

The makers behind each of these accounts (me) are totally unknown. It could be a rogue team employee or player (it's me) or a basketball junkie with way too much time on his or her hands (still me). But while we don't know the identity of the culprit, we do know that every handle, along with each sub-140-character brain dump, aims to discuss troll a defining regular-season, playoff or summertime storyline.

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Atlanta Hawks: @Treadmills4EVA

The Atlanta Hawks have made it past the second round of the playoffs just once since 1971. And really, when you factor in the 4-0 beating they suffered at the hands of the Cleveland Cavaliers during the 2015 Eastern Conference Finals, it's like they haven't squeaked past the second round at all.

Now that's consistency.  

Boston Celtics: @RumorMillKingz

It's official: The Boston Celtics have been linked to every possible superstar trade target. Team president Danny Ainge is sitting on a treasure trove of picks, prospects and reasonable contracts. He has to consolidate them into a star acquisition at some point, right?

Right?

RIGHT?

Brooklyn Nets: @IsIt2019Yet

T-minus three years until the Brooklyn Nets unconditionally control the rights to their own first-rounder. For new general manager Sean Marks, 2019 cannot get here soon enough. There is only so much he can do with a roster nearly devoid of young talent until then.

Sure, there will be free agency. But Brooklyn isn't a hot destination. And the Nets are rebuilding. Overpaying for mid-level talent won't get them anywhere. They need draft picks—preferably ones the Celtics don't have the rights to switch with their own.

Charlotte Hornets: @TooGood4OwnGood

Absolutely no one expected the 2015-16 Charlotte Hornets to rank inside the top 10 of offensive and defensive efficiency while flirting with 50 victories. Too bad the honeymoon is already over.

Nicolas Batum, Al Jefferson, Courtney Lee, Jeremy Lin and Marvin Williams are all free agents. There is no way the Hornets can afford to keep all of them—especially because they don't own the Bird rights to Lin or Williams.

On the flip side, retaining even most of them will cost a pretty penny, essentially tethering the Hornets to this core long term. And there is only so much a team can justify investing in the maintenance of a nucleus that peaked in the first round.

Chicago Bulls: @RIPTitleWindow

Here's the Chicago Bulls' season in a nutshell: They were supposed to rival the Cavaliers but instead missed the playoffs. And now it's open season on Jimmy Butler's availability.

Led by former Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau, the Minnesota Timberwolves are trying to poach Butler using their No. 5 pick as the primary carrot, according to ESPN.com’s Marc Stein and Chad Ford. A finished deal seems unlikely (more on this later), but if it wasn't obvious before, it's crystal clear now: Chicago's title window with its current core is closed.

Cleveland Cavaliers: @PeaceOutKevin

Kevin Love just isn't a good fit for the Cavaliers. Judging him solely based on his performance against the Golden State Warriors during the NBA Finals is unfair; They are an exceptionally bad matchup for him.

But given his defensive shortcomings and the fact LeBron James is best suited at power forward, it seems like only a matter of time before Love is traded. At this point, that's the best, and only, solution for everyone—including Love.

Dallas Mavericks: @FakingRelevance

Perhaps we would view the Dallas Mavericks' use of Dirk Nowitzki's contractual discounts differently if they had snagged DeAndre Jordan last offseason. Of course, funneling part of their flexibility into overpaying Wesley Matthews and Chandler Parsons isn't the best look, either.

Nowitzi's twilight, even now, deserves better.

Denver Nuggets: @AlmostGr8_Maybe

It's impossible to look at the Denver Nuggets' roster and not get excited. If they add a few impact players with their $20 million-plus in cap space this summer, we could be looking at the Western Conference's next upstart playoff contender.

Detroit Pistons: @MagicPistons

Detroit Pistons coach/president/wall-building coordinator Stan Van Gundy is doing a great job of bringing some pre-2010 Orlando Magic flair to his new team. The Pistons run a ton of pick-and-rolls between Reggie Jackson and Andre Drummond while Van Gundy has once again turned to one-in, four-out lineups with plenty of defensive versatility.

The major difference between Detroit now and Orlando then? This time around, the mustached magician is banking on unproven shooters (Jackson, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Tobias Harris, etc.) to provide his requisite floor spacing.

Golden State Warriors: @CountTheWinzzz

Did I pay $1.99 for the StephMoji app just so this tweet could exist? Of course not. That's crazy talk.

(I totally did.)

Houston Rockets: @YupThisYrSucked

Anyone who watched the Houston Rockets this season knows the "Yup, this year sucked" shorthand is putting it kindly. After making a Western Conference Finals appearance in 2015, they barely clinched a playoff berth. They were, by far, the biggest letdown of the year.

You might even say they crashed and burned. (I'm so sorry.)

Indiana Pacers: @SmallBallOrElse

If only Frank Vogel would have known...

At least now new Indiana Pacers head coach Nate McMillan has the lowdown. 

Los Angeles Clippers: @MissU2ndRdExit

Man, imagine if Blake Griffin and Chris Paul never went down against the Portland Trail Blazers. The Los Angeles Clippers would have been assured of their yearly second-round flameout.

Actually, maybe not. Stephen Curry missed the first three games of the semifinals. Perhaps the Clippers would have sneaked past the 73-win Warriors. (Spoiler: They wouldn't have.)

Oh, well. There's always next year.

Los Angeles Lakers: @All4KobeStans

This season was all about Kobe Bryant and his admirers. The Los Angeles Lakers' reward for slogging through a nostalgia-loaded, loss-laden campaign? Tons of cap space. They can carve out two max-contract slots without blinking.

That's great news for those hoping the Lakers draft Brandon Ingram, sign DeMar DeRozan, max out Hassan Whiteside and then let first-round exits pile up.

Memphis Grizzlies: @Dealt4LanceLMAO

Indeed, things got weird for the Memphis Grizzlies this season. Aside from employing roughly 67 different players by year's end, they experienced life without Mike Conley and Marc Gasol. 

Naturally, that trip down "Injury Infested Lane" didn't end well for them. Losing Conley particularly torpedoed any of Memphis' offensive potential. The Grizzlies can only hope he sticks around beyond his July free-agency jaunt, lest they be forced to host yet another placeholder party next season.

Miami Heat: @PayCutz4PAT

Talk of high-end free agents taking pay cuts is always inflammatory. That's especially true this summer, with the salary cap exploding. Miami Heat president Pat Riley, however, abides by his own set of rules. He is a recruiting wizard. 

Good thing, too, because the Heat need to get creative if they're to do more than just re-sign Dwyane Wade.

Milwaukee Bucks: @GreekPTGawd

Giannis Antetokounmpo assumed the Milwaukee Bucks' point guard reins after Michael Carter-Williams bowed out of the rotation with knee and hip issues. To say his numbers during this time as the primary offensive pilot were unreal sells him short. Over Milwaukee's final 23 games, the 21-year-old(!) averaged 19.1 points, 8.1 rebounds, 7.3 assists, 1.5 steals and 1.9 blocks on 51.4 percent shooting. 

Next season is going to be fun in Milwaukee.

Minnesota Timberwolves: @DontTradeLaVine

If Zach LaVine has to become collateral damage for the Timberwolves to nab Jimmy Buckets, this hypothetical should be a no-go. Butler is already an iffy fit beside the ball-dominant Ricky Rubio and Andrew Wiggins. He only stands to take touches away from Karl-Anthony Towns as well. Plus, LaVine is just 21, more than five years Butler's junior. He has a chance to be really good, and the Timberwolves, as a rebuilding squad, have time to kill until he hits his ceiling.

There is some good news on this front for worried Minnesota fans, as Bleacher Report's Sean Highkin pointed out. Still, Thibodeau should just know LaVine is the better fit for Minnesota's timeline. (Aside: We're glossing over a report from ESPN 1500's Darren Wolfson that says the Bulls will want Wiggins in return. Thibodeau, after all, cannot be that smitten by Butler.) 

New Orleans Pelicans: @LeastWeGotBrow

Think about how down on the New Orleans Pelicans' future you'd be if Anthony Davis and Curry didn't hail from the same home planet.

New York Knicks: @UnicornzDoExist

"He can shoot, he can make the right plays, he can defend, he's a 7-footer that can shoot all the way out to the three-point line," Kevin Durant said of Kristaps Porzingis back in January, per ESPN.com's Royce Young. "That's rare. And block shots—that's like a unicorn in this league." 

If that's not an ironclad sign that Durant and every other superstar free agent over the next 15 years will line up to play with Porzingis, then what is?

Oklahoma City Thunder: @TheDubsCheated

Curry was underwhelming for most of the Western Conference Finals, which is why Golden State's 3-1 series hole looked more like an inescapable coffin. But then Curry rattled off three 30-plus point outings, including a 36-point demolition in the winner-take-all Game 7.

Alien? I think so.

Orlando Magic: @HashtagOops

For those keeping score at home, the Tobias Harris-Scott Skiles partnership is now 0-of-2 on the "will this pan out?" scale.

Philadelphia 76ers: @WhatLogjamLOL

If the Philadelphia 76ers, as expected, draft Ben Simmons with the No. 1 pick in this year's prospect pageant, they will have five guys who stand 6'10" or taller: Joel Embiid, Nerlens Noel, Jahlil Okafor, Dario Saric and Simmons. And only one of these five can shoot threes (Saric).

What could go wrong? Everything, actually. The Sixers need to trade one, if not both, of Okafor and Noel to avoid a frontcourt overload.

And if they don't? Well, at least Embiid-Simmons pick-and-rolls should become a thing.

Phoenix Suns: @NotRlyRebuildin

Devin Booker, Alex Len and three first-round selections in the June 23 draft all say the Phoenix Suns are rebuilding. But the $39 million they have committed to Eric Bledsoe, Tyson Chandler and Brandon Knight next season say otherwise.

Stay tuned to see if the Suns succeed in confusing us any further.

Portland Trail Blazers: @SurpriseItsLIT

Did the Blazers just set the NBA record for the amount of time it takes to rebound from a superstar's departure? With all due respect to the post-Carmelo Anthony Denver Nuggets, they most certainly did.

Sacramento Kings: @BoogieGotAPuppy

It has just come to our attention that DeMarcus Cousins hacked the Sacramento Kings' alternate Twitter account and changed its handle to reflect his recent puppy acquisition. We should probably thank him, since not much has changed in Sacramento.

"There were too many distractions on and off the court," Rajon Rondo said of his time with the Kings while on ESPN's The Jump. "The organization as a whole, I don't think was together completely. I think as a team you have to want the best for the next man beside you, and that wasn't the case with the Sacramento Kings."

Here's hoping Cousins never brings his new pooch anywhere remotely near Sleep Train Arena.

San Antonio Spurs: @StillGr8erThanU

Yes, the San Antonio Spurs should lament their second-round loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder. No, they shouldn't hang their heads for long. They posted a better regular-season net rating than both Golden State and Oklahoma City, and their title window isn't even close to shut.

The Spurs are, in fact, still built to Spur.

Toronto Raptors: @Eff_LeBron

To think, the Toronto Raptors were only one LeBron James alien abduction away from repping the Eastern Conference in the NBA Finals.

Utah Jazz: @PatienceIsSexy

Will the Utah Jazz enjoy ample amounts of cap space this summer? Yes. Will they use any of it? Probably not.

It has become abundantly clear that they prefer to let the current core marinate. In the meantime, Jazz fans should warm up to the idea of Shelvin Mack-level splashes.

Washington Wizards: @NBAOut2GetUs

Who signs a five-year contract coming off their rookie deal that doesn't include a player option for the last season? Kevin Durant. And now the Washington Wizards, after finishing 2014-15 in impressive fashion, have no hope of sweeping him off his feet.

For that, they could blame themselves, and their disastrous 2014-15 performance. Or they can go the completely rational, totally logical route and claim that the NBA has been conspiring against them since Durant put pen to paper on his previous extension in 2010.

Stats courtesy of Basketball-Reference.com and NBA.com, unless otherwise cited. Salary information via Basketball Insiders.

Dan Favale covers the NBA for Bleacher Report. Follow him on Twitter @danfavale. 

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