NBA Reality Shows We Want to See
The NBA is already the greatest reality show on TV thanks to the breadth and depth of eclectic personalities it has to offer.
But if we took those bubbly, energetic and determined personalities off of the court and thrust them into more scripted, character-driven lines of work, how would things go?
Well, we're glad you asked.
After Nate Robinson told the Orange County Register's Dan Woike, "he wants to do a reality show with Glen Davis and he wasn't kidding," it's time to comprise the ultimate NBA casts for a select few reality shows that would make for appointment viewing.
From The Real World to The Amazing Race and Dancing with the Stars, you'll want to set a series recoding for this (hypothetical) spring lineup coming your way.
Thank us later, network suits.
The Real World: NBA Edition
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Cast: Kobe Bryant, Joel Embiid, Tyler Hansbrough, Kevin Garnett, JaVale McGee, J.R. Smith, Nick Young
Seven strangers picked to live in a house. That's the premise of The Real World, and it would make for some of the most entertaining television around if we could swap out the usual cast of 20-somethings and replace it with a handful of polarizing personalities.
So let's pick a cast.
While there were some difficult omissions (looking at you, Russell Westbrook), house dynamics need to be taken into consideration. A house full of scowling veterans isn't going to cut it, so we have to try to find the right balance of young and old, serious and uptight.
Under the young banner, Philadelphia 76ers center Joel Embiid leads the way. Already a beloved social-media icon and esteemed on-court dancer, the 21-year-old could provide some serious Millennial levity on a day-to-day basis.
Then there are the lovable goofballs, J.R. Smith, JaVale McGee and Nick Young. Not only do we want to eavesdrop on philosophical musings from each of those esteemed ballers, but watching them compete in an inevitable prank war would be a touchstone moment in pop culture.
On the more serious side, we have Kobe Bryant, Kevin Garnett and Tyler Hansbrough. Why Hansbrough, you ask? Well, every season of The Real World has a combative instigator of sorts, and Toronto's power forward fits the bill.
Bryant provides a surly presence, and his blunt conversational approach would be tremendous to watch as he attempts to find some peace and quiet with Swaggy and friends running amok. Ditto for Garnett, who would provide Bryant with a confidant and partner in crime.
America's Next Top Model: Game-Day Edition
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Cast: Kevin Love, Chandler Parsons, J.R. Smith, Dwyane Wade, Russell Westbrook
NBA stars have expanded their wardrobes like crazy in recent years, which makes America's Next Top Model the perfect reality show for a new generation of stars.
With style icons like Russell Westbrook, Chandler Parsons and Dwyane Wade constantly debuting forward-thinking looks on game day, some fierce competition could get underway to determine which baller is truly the Association's biggest and brightest fashionista.
We know Wade has the capri pant look on lock, but Westbrook is seemingly always at the forefront of the latest trends while Parsons actually works as a part-time model for Buffalo Jeans and Ocean Pacific. To Westbrook's credit, he's publicly showing off his swag for True Religion.
But let's not forget a couple of Cleveland Cavaliers scorers.
J.R. Smith recently took home the NBA's first-ever All-Star fashion-show title and approached the event with a determined mindset.
"I take this really seriously," Smith said, according to GQ Magazine's David Yi. "I was up since 4:30 this morning getting everything ready. I literally slept for one hour to get all of this together."
"He's six ten and walks with that well-rehearsed swagger that all ballplayers have," GQ's Mark Anthony Green wrote. "You see a dozen women swoon as he moves past and you remember: Oh yeah, this guy looks like a Calvin Klein model."
Carmelo Anthony and his eclectic array of hats just missed the cut. But hey, there's always Season 2.
Dancing with the Stars: Eurosteps and Post Moves
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Cast: Tony Allen, Carmelo Anthony, Kobe Bryant, Manu Ginobili, James Harden, Kyrie Irving, Al Jefferson, Dwyane Wade
If there's ever an NBA edition of Dancing with the Stars, you can count on Kobe Bryant emerging as the favorite.
Using footwork in the post and through traffic as a prerequisite to determine which players would be most qualified to shimmy and shake their way toward dancing gold, it's clear Bryant has the upper hand on the rest of the competition.
"I’ve always worked on it, always worked on it since I was a kid," Bryant said of his footwork in 2009, according to The New York Times' Jonathan Abrams. "I just watched different players — Olajuwon, Michael, Charles — and just all kinds of footwork and just tried to emulate them. Playing soccer, I think, had a lot to do with it as well. It’s just growing up overseas."
But if Bryant's the favorite, a slew of veterans doesn't lag far behind.
Eurostep maestros James Harden and Manu Ginobili provide stiff competition given how gracefully they consistently weave through walls of defenders, while Al Jefferson's nimble feet and quick reflexes would make him an intriguing dark horse.
Throw in fellow Eurostep maestro Dwyane Wade, the electric Kyrie Irving and a powerful yet balletic Carmelo Anthony, and Bryant would figure to have plenty of competition.
Oh, and Tony Allen qualifies solely because this the greatest in-game dance move any player has ever pulled off.
The Amazing Race: Hardwood Duos
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Team 1: Tim Duncan and Tony Parker
The wily veterans. They've got the experience, composure and tools necessary to take home the title. Plus, a little international flavor should come in handy when they're forced to galavant through Europe.
Team 2: Dirk Nowitzki and Mark Cuban
Dirk Nowitzki and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban have a budding bromance of sorts, but it's the combined work ethic of these two that pushes them toward the top of the pack.
"Without question, Dirk works as hard as anyone we've ever had," Cuban said, according to Rolling Stone. "But his work ethic was not singular to him. When your best player works the hardest, others want to follow his lead."
With Nowitzki's calm approach and Cuban's versatile portfolio, look for the Mavs' duo to outlast the competition.
Team 3: Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook
Athletically, this is the team to beat. Russell Westbrook is the most fierce competitor the NBA has to offer right now, and Durant isn't exactly one to back down from a challenge, either. With a clean bill of health (get well soon, Kevin), the Oklahoma City Thunder's one-two punch could blaze past its foes.
Team 4: Chris Paul and Blake Griffin
We know Chris Paul and Blake Griffin have great chemistry in the pick-and-roll, so why not give them a crack at blitzing other duos with their tenacity and seamless cohesion?
Team 5: LeBron James and Kevin Love
Who doesn't love a little drama? After Kevin Love told ESPN Radio's Mike & Mike (via Cleveland.com's Joe Vardon) that he and James are "not best friends," it'd be a thrill to see the two trying to navigate obstacles all over the globe in pursuit of joint success.
Team 6: Sam Hinkie and a Future Second-Round Pick
Time for some mystery. Philadelphia 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie has stockpiled so many second-round picks that his partner won't actually be unveiled until The Amazing Race kicks off. In other words, his teammate could still be in high school right now. Or maybe middle school. This rebuild's going to take a while.
Team 7: Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson
Splash Brothers unite. A high-powered and disciplined duo with loads of pizzazz, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson could use their lethal accuracy and split-second decision making to bolt past more methodical squads.
Team 8: Damian Lillard and LaMarcus Aldridge
Balance rules the day. Damian Lillard can burn past the competition with his blinding speed while LaMarcus Aldridge provides a calming and reliable presence in just about every facet of the game. Often overlooked, the Portland Trail Blazers' star pairing would be a tough out thanks to complementary skills.
Team 9: Marc Gasol and Pau Gasol
The sentimental favorites. I mean, seriously, who isn't rooting for brotherly love to rule the day when it involves the Spaniard siblings working in tandem to conquer the world?
Team 10: Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh
Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh may not have burst comparable to other duos, but slow and steady can assuredly win this race. With plenty of reps in pressure-packed situations, don't discount Miami's ability to shock the field.
Team 11: Markieff Morris and Marcus Morris
The Phoenix Suns' identical twins have a positive net rating when they share the floor, so it's only natural for that success to translate to a game that requires teams to communicate and play off of each other's strengths.
The Untitled Nate Robinson and Glen Davis Project
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Cast: Nate Robinson and Glen Davis
The concept that sparked the conversation.
Nate Robinson reportedly wants in on a reality show with Los Angeles Clippers teammate Glen Davis, according to the Orange County Register's Dan Woike, and he has our full support.
"We're like Shrek and Donkey, best friends," Robinson told reporters during the 2010 NBA finals.
The NBA's odd couple, Robinson stands 5'9'' and 180 pounds, while Davis can be found lumbering around at 6'9'' and close to 290 pounds. Not only are those dimensions of a potentially effective high-low duo off the pine, but it's a combination ripe for prime-time entertainment.
And while Robinson and Davis have posted a negative net rating in excess of minus-15 points per 100 possessions when sharing the floor during their brief time with the Clippers, their playful personalities and contrasting styles would be a comedic gift to viewers.
All stats courtesy of NBA.com unless noted otherwise.
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