Wayne Rooney's disgraceful swearing into the camera after scoring a hat-trick against West Ham was deplorable. Not because he corrupted the minds of young English children though. I can safely say that most English teenagers know their way around swearing.
Rooney's celebration was disgraceful because in the list of footballers who swear, he would not even get into the Top 20. There was no substance, no finesse, and no anger about the swearing. He just shouted randomly at a camera. I have heard alcohol-fuelled rants that were more coherent than that. For a proper demonstration of swearing, you have to go to the experts.
These are the footballing idols who strayed into X-rated territory. And no, they did not make a sex tape. Well, excluding Dwight Yorke and Mark Bosnich.
These guys perfected the art of swearing, with proper balance of rage and elocution. By doing so, they scarred children for life, gave poor stand-up comedians 15 seconds of Youtube fame, and went down in history as legends.
Here are the best five swearing incidents (in no particular order whatsoever), courtesy of the English Premier League.
Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has had problems this season with his strikers, all of whom do not seem to know where the goal is. Roman Pavlyuchenko, Jermain Defoe and Peter Crouch have collectively scored 11 league goals, after 30 games.
Perhaps it should come as no surprise though, seeing Harry's misfiring hit men cannot even keep the ball within the limits of the pitch, as seen in this video. Poor 'Arry is doing an interview, and a stray ball which was meant for the goal hits him. He then proceeds to make the poor reserve player who perpetrated the crime about three-feet tall.
Balloons have no place in football stadiums, unless you are Darren Bent. With that thought in mind, Mike Phelan is quick to deflate a potentially 'airy situation here, as he quickly pops a stray balloon. He forgot however, that Alex Ferguson hates loud noises, especially if that noise is not the direct result of him bellowing into the fourth official's ear.
Despite his good intentions, Pheland books his appointment for some hair dryer treatment.
Barcelona have a talented side, who just love facing English teams. Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal have all faced the likes of Xavi, Iniesta and Messi, and been beaten.
On this particular occasion, Chelsea faced Barca in the Champions League semifinal of 2009. Chelsea led the way for most of the match, despite referee Tom Henning Ovrebo denying their multiple penalty claims, some of which should have been allowed.
In the third minute of injury time, Andres Inieste let fly from 20 yards to score the away goal Barcelona needed to progress. Chelsea were incensed, and rightly so. Didier Drogba got a bit too eager to show off how fluent he was in English since moving to the capital though, as he screamed at the camera, on live TV.
He would later receive a six-match ban from UEFA, with two of that six suspended till further notice. Bit harsh, considering vicious two-footed lunges have received lesser bans. Maybe UEFA just really hates the English.
The language in this video is much lighter compared to its counterparts, but what makes it so awesome is how casual Alex Ferguson is. There's no sudden fit of anger, he just says the words like they come to him naturally.
A little lesson for Sky Sports, try not to ask Fergie such stupid questions. He has already gotten rid of the BBC.
Harry Houdini has made a name for himself by turning bargain buys into EPL stars. Jermain Defoe went from being a Spurs reject to a Portsmouth hero, before becoming a Spurs reject again. Lassana Diarra went from being a waste of space at Arsenal to a Pompey star, before becoming a Real Madrid waste of space. You get the picture.
But if you plan to compliment Harry, say it in plain English. He hates metaphors of any kind, as Rob Palmer found out here. Not unlike a jilted girlfriend, Harry walks off as Palmer apologises profusely.