LeBron James Chooses His Team (Satire)

LeBron James has hit the free-agent market. He may not have signed with a team just yet, but he knows what he prefers. For a while, the world has been split on LeBron's possible choice of where to go. It basically comes down to two teams. 

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

The Cavaliers star has decided not to make a decision on which he will side with officially, but reports from Stephen A. Smith and Magic Johnson have noted that James has chosen Team Edward. 

This is contrary to the first reports that LeBron James would decide to be a part of team Jacob from Charles Barkley. The LeBron James camp said their star would not side with team Jacob this early. Team Jacob would most likely mean he will be headed to the Timberwolves. 

Jacob is a werewolf and wolves seem to stick together, but apparently, LeBron James is a one man wolf pack and has decided to move on to Team Edward. He is thirsty although it may not be for blood, but he is quenching for a championship. 

The Team Edward camp consists of the New York Knicks, New Jersey Nets, and the Chicago Bulls. The Miami Heat, Los Angeles Clippers, and Los Angeles Lakers have fallen off the map due to the fact that Team Jacob is out of the running. 

LeBron James spent some time with other members of Team Edward in the last few days. Spike Lee took him out to breakfast in Brooklyn for bagels on Thursday morning. Lunch was with Mikhail Prohorov and Avery Johnson in Little Italy's most expensive restaurant. LeBron spoke to Johnson on how adjusting to the New York and New Jersey atmosphere was different from coming from another part of the country. 

The Chicago Bulls flew Dennis Rodman, who is reportedly an actual vampire, to New York to meet with LeBron. Rodman was selected as the perfect representative to make LeBron make up his mind on Chicago. Many critics have said he may not have been the best choice. 

Originally, LeBron was not going to travel anywhere to make his decision, but he changed his mind after he saw the vampires on Team Edward rolled with capes. So when you see LeBron James, Spike Lee, Mikhail Prokhorov, and other members of Team Edward they can all be distinguished by their capes. 

*Note: Dwight Howard revealed that he was part of Team Edward when he came out to the Slam Dunk Contest with a cape.