Flops and Plops: My Worst XI of Euro 2008

After so, so many people have been publishing, distributing, and debating their own excellent "X-ones," I was struck with a devilish, but inspired notion; somebody’s got to do the baddies.

And while I try and curtail my own hyper-critical sarcasm on most journalistic endeavors, well… maybe this is just the opportunity to take a few pot shots. So let’s get right into it.

Goalkeeper: Petr Cech. Sorry all you Blues fans, but even the “best” has a bad tournament (even though I don’t think he’s the best, I’ll indulge all you Chelsea types). His mistakes were poor, and he looked very, very average. Only Greek keeper Nikopolidis might have pipped Cech for this one.

DL: Paulo Ferreira. Yes, you Chelsea people might not like this column—which is exactly why I might enjoy writing it so much. Anyways, in fairness to Paulo, he was being played horribly out of position, but most of the Portuguese back line play was pretty porous, Paulo was the most.

Portugal couldn’t last the entire tournament with Pepe doing everything himself, and they didn’t. But Ferreira looked like the player most eager to get back to Chelsea’s perfume-air conditioned locker room.

DC: Lilian Thuram. You have to feel for the man a little now—just being diagnosed with a heart condition—but now that I consider the fact that he’s a cowardly Barcelona player, I feel for him no longer. The man actually asked Domenech not to play him anymore after the first couple of games—typical from this past year’s Barça team. Poor play and poor attitude.

DC: Eric Abidal. Oh, Barça fans, you can take a seat next to the Chelsea fans right over there. Abidal showed the stellar form that he put on for Barcelona all season in his pathetic penalty kick concession on Luca Toni against Italy. Not only did it result in a goal, he was sent off and robbed the innocent viewing public of one of the potential goals of the tournament. Thanks for that.

DR: Marcell Jansen. Well, he didn’t play much, and that’s for a reason. When he came on in the final, Germany looked worse, played worse and should have conceded three more goals. Poor.

DM: Jeremy Toulalon. Who? Did you see him play? You’re telling me he was on the pitch? Oh…

MC: Tomas Galasek. From a player who has had so much experience in international tournaments, I really expected more from him.

ML: Florent Malouda. Looked about as effective as anger management classes for Wayne Rooney. The whole French team could have been put on this list, but I’m not that cruel. Here’s another one for you Blues.

MR: Cristiano Ronaldo. Everybody knows he played like crap, so I don’t have to say it again. One thing I will say again: I don’t want him at Real Madrid. Yes, there are sensible Madrid fans out there.

FC: Mario Gomes. He had one of the howlers of the tournament, missing (or did he hit the crossbar) against Austria, pretty much booking his reservation on the pinewood.

He didn’t see a start for the rest of the tournament after the group stages. Believed by some to have been kept in an iron cage by Loew as punishment, when he wasn’t expected to be in his substitute’s vest in the dugout.

FC: Luca Toni. No shocks for the worst strike partner of the tournament. Toni missed every chance given to him in the tournament, some difficult touches, others definitely not.

He’s a great player, and scores tons for Bayern Munich.

Not for Italy.

He was shocking.

As Forest Gump says, “and that’s all I’ve got to say about that.”

I hope these suggestions are taken with large grains of salt from all, but at the same time I know many a BR reporter will want to chime in with their two cents, pence, or whatever else you’ve got. Let’s hear it.