Building the Perfect Central Midfielder from Attributes of Pirlo, Toure and Co

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Building the Perfect Central Midfielder from Attributes of Pirlo, Toure and Co
JON SUPER/Associated Press

There are so many different types of midfielders that a combination of the attributes of some of the world's best would produce a truly remarkable footballer.

You have your box-to-box battlers, your precise passers, your creative types, your elusive dribblers and your defensive terriers.

Here we'll attempt to build the ultimate center man by combining the best characteristics of the finest exponents of the midfield arts.

As with Frankenstein's monster of a striker we created earlier, two players are disqualified from being included because, well, it just seems too much like cheating. 

Sorry Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, your crazy skills are not welcome here.

Our super mid also has a name.

It's Macho Mediocampacho. Here's what he's made of:

 

Passing

Sang Tan/Associated Press

Macho's passing game is made from the rhythm and precision of Barcelona boys Sergio Busquets and Xavi, and the vision and guile of Andrea Pirlo

His teammates should appreciate the service he provides them with.

 

Dribbling

Frank Augstein/Associated Press

There are few sweeter sights in world football than watching Andres Iniesta glide past defenders with his superb close control and perfect balance. Let's give him a bit of extra mojo, though, by throwing in a couple of Bayern Munich wizards in Franck Ribery and Arjen Robben.

 

Physique

Jon Super/Associated Press

To create the physical characteristics of our midfield man we need to do little more than copy and paste Yaya Toure's body right here. The Ivorian is a massive unit, but he also has a big engine and is athletic and surprisingly graceful in his movements. Okay, we'll add a pinch of Antonio Valencia for speed.

 

Lung-Busting Leadership

Rui Vieira/Associated Press

The great midfielders are not only skillful, they also bring the best out of their teammates through their drive and leadership in the center of the park. There is no better example of this type of player than Liverpool's Steven Gerrard, whose blood-and-thunder approach has inspired his side to numerous famous victories. Another leader of men who has a ferocious will to win and never-say-die attitude is Bastian Schweinsteiger, who adds his considerable array of talents to our diabolical concoction. 

 

Defensive Duties

Gregorio Borgia/Associated Press

Macho Mediocampacho may be blessed with an astonishing array of skills, but he is no dandified show pony. He is, in fact, a ferocious defender who's as tough as they come.

Made up of Daniele De Rossi and Gary Medel's hard-man qualities merged with the tenacious tackling styles and positional awareness of Javier Mascherano and Javi Martinez, Macho is a very, very difficult player to get past.

 

Shooting

Andres Kudacki/Associated Press

When your forwards are struggling to find the net, it's always handy if you've got someone further back who can bang in a goal from distance. 

With the combined shooting abilities of Arturo Vidal, Frank Lampard and Gareth Bale, Mr. Mediocampacho will be good for at least 20 goals per season from midfield. 

Quite frankly, he's a bit of a weapon.

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