Welcome to the inaugural wrap of world football's biggest blunders, collating the most horrific mistakes and embarrassing moments across the weekend's action.
We've got plenty for you to sink your teeth into, including Manchester United's new look, a strange incident in Portugal and an even stranger one in Peru.
Read on and enjoy the slideshow!
Referee Anthony Taylor has attracted a lot of heat for his performance in Aston Villa's 3-1 win over Arsenal on Saturday.
Laurent Koscielny received his first yellow card in conceding a questionable penalty after sliding in on Gabby Agbonlahor in the area, then minutes later the defender went in rashly on Andi Weimann.
The issue, of course, is that Koscielny barely touched Weimann—perhaps brushing his shorts?—and the Austrian forward went down a little too easily for anyone's liking.
The feeling of frustration was compounded a little when Ron Vlaar should have been sent off for a clear second bookable offence and wasn't.
Vitoria Setubal were well on their way to a famous result against FC Porto, leading 1-0 after 50 minutes of play.
But after the Dragons earned a penalty and Josue converted, things turned sour. Both scorer and goalkeeper rushed to grab the ball—Josue to restart as quickly as possible, Pawel Kieszek to delay proceedings—and the latter ended up headbutting the former.
If that wasn't embarrassing enough, Kieszek went down like he'd been shot, rolling around in his own net. Luckily the referee wasn't fooled, sending Vitoria's shot-stopper off.
Willy Caballero enjoyed a stunning 2012-13 season in goal for Malaga, impressing in both La Liga and UEFA Champions League matches.
Los Boquerones fans will have felt confident they possess an elite goalkeeper to anchor their defence for the campaign ahead, but the Argentine has kicked things off in the worst possible way.
He was responsible for the only goal in Malaga's opening-day defeat to Valencia, rushing out recklessly to claim a cross he got nowhere near and presenting an easy finish to Ricardo Costa.
In the Peruvian top tier, Union Comercio lost 1-0 to heavyweights Universitario in a close game.
A respectable result, you might argue...until you see the nature of the winning goal.
Is he trying to clear it over the bar or simply booting it because he believes his teammate has given away a penalty? The only other possible conclusion is that he's a frustrated striker, stuck at centre-back, eager to prove he's a cracking finisher.
The player in question, Renzo Reanos, tweeted a heartfelt apology.
So David Moyes' tactics have finally been revealed.
Here we were postulating over formations, strategies and shape shifts, but the real plan was to change his player's names and faces to confuse the opposition.
The BBC's Match of the Day aired their first game of the season in typical style, giving Fabio, Wilfried Zaha and Shinji Kagawa a surprising new look. Right-back Phil Jones has definitely had a makeover, too.
Meanwhile, Sky Sports confused Zaha for Antonio Valencia, capping off an awful day for the former Crystal Palace starlet.