MLB Free Agents: 6 Crazy Steps Chicago White Sox Can Take to Keep Mark Buehrle

Mark Buehrle will be difficult for the Chicago White Sox to re-sign when he becomes a free agent in November.  Buehrle will demand a large price tag.  After earning $13 million in 2011, Buehrle will likely ask for more in his next contract.

The White Sox will be hard pressed to give him the deal he might want.  They're strapped with big contracts already.  They owe Adam Dunn $14 million.  Alex Rios will earn $12 million.  Paul Konerko takes $12 million.  Juan Pierre will earn $17 million.

Jerry Reinsdorf doesn't have a great deal of money to throw around.

Thus, the White Sox need other ways of persuading Buehrle to stay.

One option is giving him the hometown talk.  The White Sox can tell him that since he has spent his entire career with the White Sox, he should consider taking a pay cut to remain with them.  This may work.

Also, the White Sox can try other, more unusual measures.  While ordinary bargaining might not work, extraordinary measures might persuade Buehrle to stay with the White Sox.

Following are some extraordinary measures the White Sox can take to make Buehrle stay.

Wine and Dine

Sometimes the classic technique of wining and dining works.  The technique is often used in the business world.  Cities bidding on the Olympics use the ploy.

Kenny Williams could use it to persuade Buehrle to stay.  Williams could take him to the best restaurants in Chicago.  Williams could buy Buehrle the chicken alfredo plate at Harry Caray's restaurant.  Then, Williams would tell Buehrle how much he means to the White Sox.  Williams would tell Buehrle how much better the White Sox rotation is with him than it would be without him.

Perhaps, Williams would help his cause by reminding Buehrle that Caray did color commentary for the White Sox before he called Chicago Cubs games.

Paul Konerko Could Lead a Public Campaign

Campaigning can work in sports.  Tim Tebow is the Denver Broncos starting quarterback because many people campaigned for him to be named the starter.  Fans built public pressure.  They even bought billboards.

As the captain of the White Sox, Konerko is in position to make something happen.  Konerko could lead a campaign to bring Buehrle back.  Konerko could canvas neighborhoods on the South Side of Chicago to build support for re-signing Buehrle.  Konerko could organize volunteers to survey people about how much money the White Sox should pay to re-sign Buehrle.

Konerko could start an ad campaign to woo Buehrle.  In his ad, Konerko would talk about how much Buehrle means to the team and how beloved a teammate he is.

Also, Konerko could organize a public research meeting with Buehrle.  In that meeting, White Sox fans would ask Buehrle what it would take for him to re-sign with the White Sox.  Fans could ask him how inclined he is to stay with the White Sox.  One fan could be called upon to testify about what Buehrle means to fans. 

Gavin Floyd and John Danks Could Hold a Hunger Strike

Hunger strikes are often used to promote a cause.  People sometimes use hunger strikes to raise awareness to issues such as poverty and hunger.

Gavin Floyd and John Danks could use a hunger strike to promote the White Sox cause in attempting to re-sign Buehrle.  Floyd and Danks could set a date sometime around the end of the World Series.  Then, they could continue the hunger strike until Buehrle re-signs or signs with another team.

Floyd and Danks could have different activities during their hunger strike.  They could reflect on their favorite moments shared with Buehrle.  Also, they could make collages of photos with Buehrle and them. 

Having done that, Floyd and Danks might have to do what other people do during hunger strikes and pray for the poor and hungry.

Their heartening action may touch Buehrle so greatly that he decides to re-sign with the White Sox at a bargain price.

Kenny Williams' Children Could Beg

Another heartening attempt would be to have Williams' children plead with Buehrle to stay with the White Sox. All five of the children could sit down with Buehrle and talk to him about how much they love watching him play.  They could recount their favorite games pitched by Buehrle.  Each one could take turns telling about how they felt the first time Williams brought them to the ballpark and how it felt meeting Buehrle.

Williams' children could tell Buehrle how much harder his job would be if Buehrle left.  They could tell Buehrle how hard it would be for their father to find a replacement for him.  Also, they could talk about how stressful the loss would be on their father and how much it would impact family life.

Surely, Buehrle would understand. 

Buy Buehrle a Golden Slip-and-Slide

Mark Buehrle used to enjoy playing with a slip-and-slide during rain delays.  During rain delays, while others would sit back and relax, Buehrle would take slides on the slip-and-slide tread.

This lasted a few years.  In 2006, Williams put an end to the activity.  He sent a message to Buehrle and Guillen that Buehrle needed to stop.  Buehrle understood the message and ceased his slides.

While recognizing the seriousness of the slip-and-slide cessation, Williams and the White Sox organization could honor Buehrle's old pastime and buy him a golden slip-and-slide.  The golden slide would not be for recreational use.  Buehrle would keep it in his house as an ornament.

This would be a great way for the White Sox to show their love for Buehrle.

Ozzie Guillen Could Tell Buehrle to Stay

Ozzie Guillen may no longer be the White Sox manager, but he can still persuade Buehrle.  Guillen is very clear about who he likes and who he dislikes.  Guillen threw Brandon McCarthy and Brian Anderson under the bus after they left the White Sox.  Guillen speaks his mind.

Guillen can call Buehrle to talk to him about how much the White Sox need him.  Guillen can tell Buehrle that while he had to leave, Buehrle needs to stay.  There's a place for everyone, Guillen could say, and Buehrle's place is with the White Sox.

Guillen likely has Buehrle's ear.  Buehrle worked hard for Guillen throughout his eight years as White Sox manager.  Guillen seemed to respect Buehrle.  He never blasted Buehrle in the press.

Besides, being removed from the White Sox could help.  While Guillen might have worn on players last season, the angst could soon disappear now that he's gone.