UCLA Football 2011: Time to Put Up or Shut Up for Rick Neuheisel

I once played a game of Monopoly that lasted about six hours into the wee-hours of the night with my sister and two other cousins. We started at around 7 pm, and, being well-aware of the ramifications of Monopoly and its potential to be played at the speed of flowing molasses, we took the risk anyway.

I ended up losing (from what I can remember) after cheating and giving away Park Place in exchange for Connecticut Avenue, or one of the other light blue properties. They were closer to the UCLA powder blue in my 8-year-old eyes, so what did I know? Plus it was 11 at night and I did have a little too much to drink. Coca-Cola can really screw you up at such a young age.

But anyway, we all know that monopolies take a long time to build, whether it be Rockefeller, Carnegie, or the little man with the top hat and awesome moustache. Which also means dismantling a monopoly should take just as much time as it took to be built. For Rick Neuheisel, it's year three of the demolition job of the monopoly that is USC football.

Pete Carroll is gone. Reggie Bush brought about the harshest NCAA sanctions of my lifetime (mind you, I was born in '93, so I didn't see the SMU death penalty), and their current head coach looks like one of the guys who hit the beer bong too hard at one of the high school graduation parties I was at last week. USC went 8-5 last year, losing to Notre Dame and having a comparatively measly Pac-10 record of 5-4.

Yet, nothing feels different in that time. Three years, one mediocre bowl game and three pastings at the hands of the crosstown rivals, and the football monopoly of Los Angeles still rolls on, even if Tommy Trojan has a dent in his shield. Norm Chow came, saw and left for Utah.

There are three different offensive systems with new coordinators on both sides of the ball coming in this year. The pistol was less effective than a Nerf gun, and the defense was atrocious. The alumni (and future students) are restless and disillusioned. The quarterback situation is unsettled, players are transferring, and the offensive line needs retooling again.

Now I'm painting a Chicken Little scenario, but this all lies at the feet of Slick Rick himself. He is the rah-rah boy, the eternal optimist with great sound bites, the troubled golden boy quarterback come home, ready to bring his alma mater back to national prominence.

Three years ago, I bought in. I watched his Colorado and Washington teams when I was eight and nine, and I got sucked into to his words. I wanted a "The Football Monopoly is Over" t-shirt after the infamous press conference when he was hired.

Now, after a 15-22 record, after solid recruiting classes with nothing to show (I weep at the thought of Malcolm Jones being 4th on the depth chart), and after being embarrassed by USC three years straight and not scoring more than 14 points in each of those games, it's the last straw for Neuheisel. My patience has run its course; I won't stand for another miserable season, and hopefully Dan Guerrero won't either.

Rick Neuheisel promised us Park Place and Broadway three years ago, but right now, UCLA has barely passed GO on it way to dismantling the football monopoly across town and becoming one of the premier college football programs on the West Coast.