The 15 Dumbest Things About the NBA Playoffs
Kobe Bryant's bad shoes, three-point line inaccuracies, over-protected refs, too much Blake Griffin, not enough Z-Bo, Stan Van Gundy misdirecting blame, Gregg Popovich missing the point, Shaquille O'Neal missing in action, missing the cheerleaders and other reasons why even an exciting NBA postseason is proving to be pretty dumb.
NBA Refs Need to Man-Up
1 of 17
Being a pro ref is not an easy job.
But this season, the NBA has been treating its refs as if they were baby chicks lost in a wolf den.
During the playoffs, the games and stakes are intensified and the players are at another level. And the league—that would be David Stern—has gone to another level to protect its refs.
The whole concept about working players into a feeding frenzy and then pulling out their teeth when they go for a nibble is not just perverse, but d-u-m-b.
Players Need To Be Pros, Not Average Joes
2 of 17
Manu Ginobili has his toenail on the three-point line in the crucial closing seconds of Game 5 between the San Antonio Spurs and Memphis Grizzlies.
Boston's Paul Pierce jawing in Game 1 against the Heat got him a second T and immediate ejection.
Players are called for unnecessary flagrant fouls.
Balls are being passed to fans in front-row seats.
Guards are jacking up difficult three-point attempts with 15-plus seconds left on the clock.
This is the time to put streetball behind and focus on the championship trophy.
Boston Celtics Trade Kendrick Perkins
3 of 17
The trade of Kendrick Perkins from Boston to Oklahoma City happened in February, but it will have profound effects in May.
The bottom line was money. The Celtics offered him a low-ball price while the Oklahoma City Thunder were quick to give KP what he wanted to stay happy in the Midwest.
The Celts are now counting on aging wide-body Shaquille O'Neal to fill the middle, but he has yet to make an appearance.
And outdated Jermaine O'Neal needs a rear-view mirror to see his best playing days.
In addition, Rajon Rando has yet to recover from the trade of his faithful companion.
And Celtics management busted what the players saw as a "we are family" all the way to the NBA title mantra.
Kobe's Low-Top Nike Shoes
4 of 17
In 2008, Kobe Bryant and Nike made a big splash by unveiling the Zoom Kobe 4 Cut, a low-top shoe.
Kobe and Phil Knight's company claimed the low-tops offered as much support as traditional high-toppers.
But it was not very good advertising when Kobe's shoes were shown over and over and over after he rolled his ankle on April 24 during a Game 4 loss to the New Orleans Hornets.
This past March, he nearly broke his left ankle during a game against the Dallas Mavericks after injuring it days earlier in a game against the Atlanta Hawks.
"It's pretty swollen, it's like a baseball outside of my ankle," Kobe said at the time. Bet that sold a lot of shoes.
Time to return to high-toppers, Kobe.
The NBA Turns Its Ball into a Used Car Salesman
5 of 17
The NBA has been running a great series of TV spots where the Spalding ball recalls its role in NBA playoff history.
"Hey Dwight Howard, you have your hands all over me...The least you can do is buy me dinner."
"What can you do in .4 seconds: Fisher, rim, Fisher, rim, Fishy-rim."
But the league has also been using the ball to shill upcoming games.
"Watch the Spurs versus the Grizzles on ESPN."
"Hey, have I got a used car for you!"
Good plan. Dumb execution.
Asking Gregg Popovich If He Is Blowing Up the Spurs
6 of 17
Head coach Gregg Popovich barely had time to sit down in front of the media after the San Antonio Spurs were eliminated by the Memphis Grizzlies when he was asked if he would be rebuilding—actually, the phrase was "blow up"— the team for 2011-12.
No shock that Popovich kept his cool.
“It was a disappointing end to a wonderful season, so we're still trying to deal with that. [Blow it up] is the most preposterous attitude you can have. Twenty-nine teams lose, so you need to take time to reflect.”
Dumb question. Smart answer.
Gregg Popovich Downplaying His No. 1 Team Being Ousted by a No. 8
7 of 17
However, Popovich had his turn at being dumb.
"It doesn't matter what you're seeding is in the West," Popovich said during the post-game press conference after losing Game 6 and being ousted by the Grizzlies. "Everybody is basically as good as everybody else."
Sorry, coach. You are about the most respected head coach in sports. But this was a loss of epic proportion.
The Grizzlies were just the second No. 8 seed to defeat a No. 1 since the NBA expanded the opening series to a best-of-seven format in 2003. (The Golden State Warriors beat the top-seeded Dallas Mavericks in six games in 2007.)
And it happened only twice from 1984-2002 when the opening round was a best of five (Denver beat Seattle in 1994 and New York took out Miami in 1999).
Stan Van Gundy Deflecting Blame to the Media
8 of 17
The NBA doesn't like to hear its refs criticized.
Orlando Magic head coach has become a master at the non-criticizing critique.
But the way in which he did it was dumb.
After Game 5 against the Atlanta Hawks (in a series the Magic would ultimately lose), he said during his press conference: "Look, if you’re a referee, they have their guidelines. They just think it’s hard fouls and that’s fine. I’m not criticizing the referees here."
So who was he criticizing?
Dwight Howard? Stan Van Gundy? Prince William and Kate Middleton?
Ehhhhhhh. Wrong answers.
"What I’m saying is people in the media who criticize Dwight [Howard] for the few times that he retaliates, understand that that’s what you are criticizing," Van Gundy continued. "I want to make it clear. I’m not criticizing the officials. And I’m not. I’m criticizing you guys, OK. And I don’t think I can be fined for that because nobody likes you guys.”
And the new head coach for the 2011-12 Orlando Magic is . . .
Blake Griffin Overkill
9 of 17
We get it. We get it.
Griffin can dunk over the hood of a Kia and can get kissed by a beautiful woman via video on his AT&T phone after dunking in front of his friends.
He maintains a diet of Subway and Power Bars. He wears Nikes. He will be doing new marketing for Vizio.
But the top-runner for Rookie of the Year plays for the 32-50 Los Angeles Clippers, who are not in the playoffs and are not even among the top 20 teams in the NBA.
So why has he become the marketing face of the NBA post-season?
Let's hold off the advertising adoration for Griffin until he is traded to or signs as a free agent with a team that actually has a chance to make the postseason.
Zach Randolph Underkill
10 of 17
Companies would rather react than act.
So it took the Memphis Grizzlies' six-game win over the San Antonio Spurs for Nike to feature Z-Bo on the home page of its Nike Basketball Web site.
He has no other national marketing deals.
But some could be in the works based on his 2010-11 season. That included 21.5 points and 9.2 rebounds per game during the regular campaign and now leading his team on a Cinderella run in the playoffs.
Must be his historical baggage that has kept marketers away, including tenuous non-winning stints with the Trail Blazers, Knicks and Clippers.
Possible campaigns in which he could star:
• "Zach Randolph has carried around a lot of sorry baggage, but now he stars with Samsonite."
• "Hi. Z-Bo here to tell you that La-Z-Boy recliners are a great fit even for my active, 6'9", 260 lb. body!"
• "Long distance information [fill in the name of a telecom company], give me Memphis, Tennessee."
Mundane Marketing Campaigns from NBA Partners
11 of 17
To date, league marketing partners have come up woefully short in asserting their postseason presence.
In 2009, Nike launched the LeBron and Kobe puppet campaign, which some people loved and some people hated, but everyone talked about.
This year, we get James selling insurance for State Farm.
BBVA Compass saying that "Team. Works."
A bobble head spot from NBA TV that already is outdated.
And McDonald's recycling its James-Howard "The Showdown" spot, a geezer that has been airing since Super Bowl XLIV in February 2010.
Plus, the premise of which still makes no sense:
LeBron has already paid for his meal, so why would he need to compete against Howard to eat it?
And why don't LBJ and D-Howard know who Larry Bird is, if from nothing else than the original 1993 "The Showdown" where he went up against Michael Jordan?
As the guy from the Geico ads might ask them, "What, do you live under a rock?"
The Invisible Shaquille O'Neal
12 of 17
An aging and hobbled body has pretty much kept Shaquille O'Neal out of the spotlight during the playoffs.
That also has meant a dearth of Shaq public sightings and entertaining nonsense.
His Twitter account has been relatively silent.
He has not shown up at Harvard Square pretending to be a statue (as he did this past October).
He has not challenged David Beckham to a game of soccer (as he did during the filming of his reality show).
What's left is an altruistic effort, via CharityBuzz.com, in which the winning bidder gets airfare to Los Angeles, a two-night stay at a posh hotel, an autographed Shaq basketball and the chance to play against him in in a pick-up game.
Proceeds from the auction go to the Jenesse Center, a nonprofit organization helping victims of domestic abuse.
Where have you gone, Shaquille O'Neal? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Believing That the Miami Heat Invented the Three Amigos
13 of 17
'The Decision' last summer helped to create what was dubbed the 'Three Amigos' in Miami: LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade.
Nice for headlines. Dumb for followers of NBA history.
A three-or-more amigos scenario has been part of winning NBA franchises for 50 years.
In the 1950s and 1960s, the Boston Celtics had Bill Russell, Bob Cousy, Sam Jones, John Havlicek and others.
In 1969-70 the New York Knicks won the NBA title with Willis Reed, Walt Frazier, Bill Bradley, Dave DeBusschere and Dick Barnett, the latter two of whom were obtained via trade.
The team won the 1972-73 title with Earl Monroe, also obtained via trade.
In the 1980s the Celtics had Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish, who was obtained via trade.
And don't forget the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice and The Three Stooges, where Moe and Larry had Curly, Shemp, Joe Besser and Curly-Joe as their third wheel.
The Joe Namath Syndrome
14 of 17
Prior to Super Bowl III, quarterback Joe Namath guaranteed that his underdog New York Jets would defeat the heavily favored Baltimore Colts.
When they did, his words became the stuff of legend.
But in today's politically correct sports landscape, players and coaches (we're thinking of you, Rex Ryan) are berated if they claim their team will win the next game or series.
And in these NBA playoffs we get a lot of, "We're taking this one game at a time."
Or, "They are a tough team. We're looking forward to playing them."
Where is Herm ("You play to win the game!") Edwards when you need him? Analyzing games for ESPN or something?
Would Vince Lombardi in the politically correct NBA era of 2011 be reduced to saying: "Winning isn't everything, but I would sure be so gosh darn unhappy with my players if they, you know, lost."
So what will it be, Kobe, LeBron, Derrick, Dirk, Z-Bo and Kevin: You gonna guarantee an NBA title or not?
Naming a New WNBA President Becomes the Sound of One Hand Clapping
15 of 17
It is a big moment when your league names the person who will be its top executive.
But the selection of Laurel Richie to replace Donna Orender as president of the WNBA (and as the mouthpiece for David Stern) came on April 25.
That's when the basketball world was focusing on the NBA playoffs and the rest of the U.S. sports world was talking about the NFL draft and lockout.
Considering that Orender resigned in December, the timing could have, and should have, been a lot better.
No disrespect to veteran marketing executive Richie, who was CMO for the Girl Scouts.
But unlike the only two other women to hold the position in WNBA history — Val Ackerman and Orender—Richie did not play basketball at the college and/or pro level.
Or ever attend a WNBA game, as she herself admitted.
Was Carol Blazejowski not available for or interested in the position?
One More Dumb Thing: Where Are the Cheerleaders?
16 of 17
The NBA recently had a contest to find the best team cheerleaders.
Why don't we see more cheerleaders during NBA telecasts?
It would make the down time much more bearable.
Plus, B/R stories that feature beautiful women attract a lot of readers.
One More Gratuitous Shot, 'Cause I'm Not Dumb
17 of 17
Like I said, where are the cheerleaders?
