College Football Rankings: The Bottom Ten Teams In Week Two

Anna LucianoContributor ISeptember 13, 2010

College Football Rankings: The Bottom Ten Teams In Week Two

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    LANDOVER, MD - SEPTEMBER 06:  Virginia Tech Hokies players line up against the Boise State Broncos at FedExField on September 6, 2010 in Landover, Maryland.  (Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images)
    Geoff Burke/Getty Images

    With all the endless college football polls out there, one major poll is missing: The Bottom Ten.

    We hate to pick on student-athletes, but with all the agent scandals surfacing at major schools, the "kids" are no longer safe from criticism.

    These ten teams have earned a Bottom Ten ranking. They are train wrecks in search of the next derailing.

    It's time to dust off the bass fishing boats and send their coaches on a long (and early) winter holiday. Time to look forward to basketball season.

    It's time to fire up some coaches' hot seats, pray for a Meineke Car Care Bowl, and relive the horror of the past two weeks.

No. 10 West Virginia Mountaineers

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    JACKSONVILLE, FL - JANUARY 01:  Head coach Bill Stewart of the West Virginia Mountaineers watches his team take on the Florida State Seminoles during the Konica Minolta Gator Bowl on January 1, 2010 at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium in Jacksonville, Flori
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    In the opening week of college football, the West Virginia Mountaineers led the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers 10-0 at half time. They ended up winning, and somehow grabbed a No. 23 ranking from clueless pollsters.

    Flash forward to week two, where the Mountaineers took on the Marshall Thundering Herd on a Friday night. It was ugly, folks.

    Yes, it ended up a win for West Virginia in OT—although Marshall's tying field goal attempt looked good in a crooked sort of way—but Morgantown couches were already being prepped with kindling wood by the third quarter.

    Bill Stewart is a likable guy, but his team performed so poorly, so dismal, it was almost a sick comedy. Is this team the pride of the Big East right now?

    At this point, the only reason to watch Mountaineers' football is to see them play Les Miles' LSU Tigers.

    It's the Granddaddy of Train Wreck Coaching.

    Next loss: The Maryland Terrapins

No. 10 West Virginia Mountaineers

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    JACKSONVILLE, FL - JANUARY 01:  Quarterback Jarrett Brown #16 of the West Virginia Mountaineers watches from the sidelines after being injured after sacked by linebacker Dekoda Watson #36 of the Florida State Seminoles during the Konica Minolta Gator Bowl
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    In week one, the West Virginia Mountaineers led the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers 10-0 at half time. They ended up winning, and somehow grabbed a No. 23 ranking from clueless pollsters.

    Flash forward to week two, where the Mountaineers took on the Marshall Thundering Herd on a Friday night. It was ugly, folks.

    Yes, it ended up a win for West Virginia in OT—although Marshall's tying field goal attempt looked good in a crooked sort of way—but Morgantown couches were already being prepped with kindling wood by the third quarter.

    Bill Stewart is a likable guy, but his team performed so poorly, so dismal, it was almost a sick comedy.

    At this point, the only reason to watch Mountaineers' football is to see them play Les Miles' LSU Tigers.

    It's the Granddaddy of Train Wreck Coaching.

    Next loss: The Maryland Terrapins

No. 9 UTEP Miners

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    NEW ORLEANS - NOVEMBER 07:  Quarterback Trevor Vittatoe #10 of the UTEP Miners at Louisana Superdome on November 7, 2009 in New Orleans, Louisiana.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Yes, UTEP played the prolific Houston Cougars and no one thought the Miners had a shot, albeit UTEP did beat Houston last year. But, it wasn't the offense that was offensive...it was the defense.

    In a defensive scheme that can only be described as something resembling a Mack truck grille, UTEP encouraged Houston to run the ball. And why wouldn't they?

    The Titanic would still be floating if the Atlantic Ocean had UTEPs front seven as icebergs—Houston's Bryce Beall had 193 yards, 3 touchdowns and a 10.7 average midway through the 4th quarter, slicing through the Miners' D like a knife through hot butter.

    UTEP's next loss: possibly New Mexico State, unless one team forfeits the game before the other.

No. 8 New Mexico State Aggies

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    JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA - JUNE 03:  South African army troops carry a stretcher while setting up a medical center outside the Soccer City stadium on June 3, 2010 in Johannesburg, South Africa. The medical center, to be staffed by the military, is prepa
    John Moore/Getty Images

    What can you say about a team that scheduled a bye in their first "weak" of college football? Is that a "We're not quite ready to play" statement, or what? You have all summer to practice, and take a knee the first week?

    Fittingly, the San Diego Aztecs, better known as "Stripper U" in Southern California, spanked the Aggies after getting a practice beat down on Nicholls in their first weak (no, that's not a typo either) of college football.

    Added Bottom Ten bonus: when searching for New Mexico State Football in the Getty photo library, the only pictures that come up are of the Texas Longhorns, Texas A&M Aggies, and some armed forces pictures. The gurney picture seemed to fit, so we went with it.

    Next train wreck: an early season battle for the Bottom Ten's No.1 ranking against UTEP.

No. 7 Minnesota Golden Gophers

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    TEMPE, AZ - DECEMBER 31:  Quarterback Austen Arnaud #4 of the Iowa State Cyclones drops back to pass against the Minnesota Golden Gophers during the Insight Bowl at Arizona Stadium on December 31, 2009 in Tempe, Arizona. The Cyclones defeated the Golden G
    Christian Petersen/Getty Images

    The Golden Gophers aren't so golden. After narrowly avoiding a loss against Middle Tennessee State, the Golden Gophers finally collapsed against South Dakota, losing 41-38.

    It's not that losing to an FCS team is so bad (OK, it is), it's giving up 41 points to a school whose state is only known for two things—The Mt. Rushmore National Memorial and the Corn Palace—that makes this loss so dismal.

    South Dakota is not a football mecca, folks.

    Next loss: Lane Effing Kiffin and his sanctioned Trojans.

No. 6 UCLA Bruins

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    PASADENA, CA - SEPTEMBER 19:  Kai Forbath #25 of the UCLA Bruins kicks as Danny Rees #39 holds against the Kansas State Wildcats at the Rose Bowl on September 19, 2009 in Pasadena, California. UCLA defeated Kansas State 23-9.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty I
    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    The 0-2 Bruins have given up 66 points in two games, and at this point, their schedule's only chalked win looks to be hosting that thing from Pullman, Washington at the Rose Bowl in three weeks.

    Everything about the Bruins reeks.

    Even their ace kicker Kai Forbath missed a field goal in their 35-0 beat down from Stanford. The only positive thing from the game was Stanford's head coach Harbaugh not going for two after the last touchdown was scored—even he recognizes pitiful when he sees it.

    Bright note: basketball season is just around the corner.

    Next loss(es): Houston Cougars next week, at Texas Longhorns the following week.

No. 5 Mississippi Rebels

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    NEW ORLEANS - SEPTEMBER 11:  Head coach Houston Nutt of the Ole Miss Rebels waits to take the field with his team before playing the Tulane Green Wave at the Louisiana Superdome on September 11, 2010 in New Orleans, Louisiana.  (Photo by Chris Graythen/Ge
    Chris Graythen/Getty Images

    In week one, Jacksonville State beat Ole Miss in double overtime. You would think Houston Nutt would have had his team pumped up for the Green Wave of Tulane in week two—and they were, for the first half, scoring on their first two possessions.

    In the second half, Tulane gave Ole Miss a scare, pulling to within 11 points early in the fourth quarter, before Ole Miss finally stopped a late fourth quarter Green Wave drive with three sacks.

    With a 1-1 record against two cupcakes, the Rebels aren't going to go bowling this year. The Egg Bowl could even be a blow-out by the Mississippi State Bulldogs, but only if the Bulldogs' receivers would quit dipping their hands in butter pre-game.

    Next five losses: Vanderbilt, Fresno State, Kentucky, Alabama and Arkansas.

No. 4 Boston College Eagles

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    CHESTNUT HILL, MA - SEPTEMBER 11:   Sterlin Phifer #21 of the Boston College Eagles carries the ball as  Cobrani Mixon #11 of the Kent State Golden Flashes defends on September 11, 2010 at Alumni Stadium in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts. Boston College def
    Elsa/Getty Images

    The Eagles opened their season with two cupcakes and struggled to devour both. A 38-20 win over Weber State and a 26-13 win over Kent State mean the Eagles look more like turkeys.

    Playing an FCS team and 3-9 team from last year (Tulane) should help your stats, but Boston College just squeaked into the top forty total defense rankings.

    More Eagle droppings: Boston College dropped a deuce in offensive rankings as well, coming in at No. 74 in total offense and getting bested by offensive powerhouse teams like Florida International and Indiana.

    Next loss: a bye, followed by a used-to-be-a-great-game-but-now-it's-a-crappy-game-of-the-week: Boston College v Virginia Tech

No. 3 New Mexico Lobos

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    EUGENE, OR - SEPTEMBER 04: Wide receiver Justin Hoffman #81 and tight end David Paulson #42 of the Oregon Ducks celebrate a touchdown reception by Paulson in front of safety Freddy Young #17 of the New Mexico Lobos in the first quarter of the game at Autz
    Steve Dykes/Getty Images

    The Lobos have played two games (Oregon, Texas Tech) and have already given up a whopping 124 points, making them the last place team in scoring defense rankings.

    But that's not all—they're also averaging a paltry 8.5 points per game, giving them a No. 117 ranking out of 120 FBS teams in scoring offense.

    There is literally nothing positive to say about the Lobos, except for possibly this: while they're bad on both offense and defense, at least they're well-balanced on both sides of the ball.

    Next loss(es): Utah, UNLV, UTEP, followed by the most horrifying game of the year, New Mexico vs New Mexico State.

No. 2 Colorado State Rams

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    DENVER - SEPTEMBER 04:  Linebacker Ricky Brewer #56 of the Colorado State Rams is prepared to face the Colorado Buffaloes during the Rocky Mountain Showdown at INVESCO Field at Mile High on September 4, 2010 in Denver, Colorado. Colorado was awarded the C
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    There is an eyesore in the Rockies, and it wears green and gold. Meet the Colorado State Rams, a once-solid football program now awash in complete pond scum.

    The Rams' season's start was a telling sign: they got hammered 24-3 by a mediocre Colorado team which is lead by perennial hot coach leader, Dan Hawkins.

    Thanks to the damn Rams' loss to Colorado, the Buffs fans faced the prospect of having to endure Hawkins for another year. Luckily, Cal whipped Colorado's butt 52-7 the following week and things are back to 'all systems go' for fans to push the eject button on Hawkins' hot seat.

    Colorado State, after almost making Colorado look good, totally tanked their next game against Nevada, losing 51-6. After two games, the Rams' offense has yet to score any points—special teams have accounted for all nine points via field goals.

    Next loss(es): all of them, with the possible exception against New Mexico, which is too close (aka "crappy") to call at this point.

No. 1 Virginia Tech Hokies

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    ATLANTA - DECEMBER 31:  Virginia Tech Hokies head coach Frank Beamer watches warmups on the field before the Chick-Fil-A Bowl against the Tennessee Volunteers at the Georgia Dome on December 31, 2009 in Atlanta, Georgia.  Virginia Tech beat Tennessee 37-1
    Mike Zarrilli/Getty Images

    The hype surrounding the Hokies' game against Boise State was phenomenal. One team had to lose. And one did, without a trick play in sight for them to point at as an excuse. The Hokies got pounded by Kellen Moore's arm in the last two minutes, and suddenly, everyone was in love with the Boise State Broncos.

    So what does Frank Beamer's team do to respond after such a devastating loss? Lose to the James Madison Dukes.

    Not only did the Hokies piss off half of the state of Virginia, they also pissed off the entire state of Idaho, the entire ACC (which was counting on some Ws this past Saturday), and the entire anti-BCS nation.

    Is that enough to warrant the Bottom Ten's No. 1 spot? No, but this is:

    The Hokies could win the ACC and get an automatic BCS Bowl berth while the presumably 12-0 Boise State Broncos get no shot at the BCS National Championship because of the Hokies' loss to James Madison.

    Next loss: East Carolina.

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