Ronaldinho and the Top 10 Goal Montages on YouTube (Video)

How can one really tell when they’ve “made it,” so to speak?

What, have your own Wikipedia entry? Get a key to the office’s God-like bathroom that has sweeping views of the city’s skyline while popping a squat? Have an hour-long television special to announce your next career move?

Bollocks.

You’re not certifiably awesome until you have a montage made in your name.

Since that whole “internet” phenomenon swept the world sometime between the decline of Alf’s popularity and Bieber Fever, some combination of internet geeks, editing maestros, and soccer aficionados have helped immortalize the stars of the world’s most popular sport by splicing together video, images, and music to further promote its best players.

Certainly, Sergei Eisenstein would be doing summersaults in his grave if he knew his idea of montage had morphed into what it is today. Eisenstein, an early Russian silent film theorist, felt that the fast-cutting of juxtaposed or conflicting images together of “montage” held the greatest power over audiences.

Example: An image of Cristiano Ronaldo diving and pleading to a referee spliced to an image of Ronnie Lott cutting off part of his finger to re-enter an NFL game would mean something like “cultural priorities.”

Then the the Rocky series said to the hell with that, and popularized what we now know as montage: people kicking ass to catchy music.

So now that World Cup hangover is finally starting to wear off and misguided optimism is starting to materialize for the European season, why not further embellish the world's best footballers?

Men. Balls. Goals. Music. Celebration. Images.

This is the best that the internet has to offer.

Honorable Mention: Because no Americans made the cut

Sorry, guys.

Besides, mountain man Rocky and steroid-using Ivan Drago actually provide a mild juxtaposition that even Eisenstein might appreciate.

And if you can’t get pumped up about a Rocky IV montage—and it certainly provides plenty of ample ones—then you clearly hate America.

10) Steven Gerrard: Flare for the dramatic

Music isn't great, cuts make it easy to watch, nothing to get fired up about, but like a good commentator, the video gets out of the way and lets the goals to the talking.

9) Pele: The. Best. Ever.

The pace is slow enough that it doesn't motivate you to the point of shadow boxing to "Bulls on Parade" in the mirror, but the subtlety of Pele's simple mastery of the game is enough to make purists kick back and nod in approval.

Retro never seems to go out of style.

Neither does being considered to be the best player to ever step on the pitch.

8) Maradona: Ayo for ... goals-o?

Diego Maradona is known for scoring the most infamous and famous goals in the same game—sorry, England—getting fat, getting not fat, doing a certain white substance at the frequency of a vacuum, and being the most unpredictable yet amazing coaching force of the 2010 World Cup.

And he was an OK soccer player in his day who benefited from some sweet Michael Jackson tunes.

7) David Beckham: Knows where to put his balls...

And we’re not talking about WAGs. Well, not entirely about WAGs.

Becks has drawn his fair share of criticism during over the years: overhyped, overrated, diva etc.

But the vitriol spewed at him usually revolved more around his larger-than-life persona off the pitch than anything he did on it—save, of course, for one unfortunate “kick” in the 1998 World Cup.

He wasn’t the best defender, nor was he going to wow anyone with his mesmerizing speed or dribbling ability, but he was one of the best dead-ball specialists of a generation.

6) Zinedine Zidane: More than a headbutt

Unfortunately, Zidane became an internet sensation for using his head to literally take down the opposition instead of when, say, he used his head to score two goals in France's 1998 3-0 World Cup-clinching triumph over Brazil. 

Here's one of the few compilations of his positive exploits on the pitch:

5) Ronaldo: Come original

Cristiano Ronaldo just put his fist through a wall.

And only 10 percent of it had to do with the fact he just had to sit through that crappy Lenny Kravitz song.

No, he's (naturally) pissed off because he was beaten out by a different "Ronaldo" namesake, one whose name is often modified with "fat" or "transvestite-purchasing" as opposed to "WAG-addicted."

No, the original Ronaldo was much better than the current GTL-loving one.

4) Lionel Messi: Small in form, big on goals

By all accounts, the diminutive, elusive, electrifying talisman did little to make his then-coach Maradona sweat his claim as being the best Argentine player during the 2010 World Cup, but the Barcelona striker has provided plenty of highlights on the club stage.

Solid variety of imagery and nifty pastel effects for the No. 1 goal and music that does the job enough to equate to three minutes of video bliss.

3) Roberto Carlos: Likes it hard

Full disclosure: As recently as a few years ago, there was a video of Carlos' exploits to the old Mortal Combat theme soundtrack.

Seriously, is there anything more awe-inspiring than watching mind-bending goals while re-kindling memories of icing bros with Sub Zero instead of feminine beverages?

Unfortunately, said video has apparently disappeared into Youtube oblivion.

It doesn't take away from the fact that the Brazilian defender seemingly scoffed at the conceptions of scientific laws like "aerodynamics" and "gravity."

Psh. That stuff is for mere mortals.

Goals No. 1 and No. 2 prove Carlos' rebellion against aforementioned rules governing flight.

2) Thierry Henry: C'est bien!

Sure, Henry’s form dropped off so dramatically that he went from winning the Champions League and La Liga with Barcelona to a New York retirement, errr, contract with MLS.  

And Henry shouldered much of the blame as Les Blues’ bid to make it back to the World Cup Final lasted about as long as the Maginot Line.

But during his amazing run at Arsenal, the man sure knew how to make some head-turning goals.

Plus, even the most anti-soccer American can at least appreciate a montage with an Henry-based rap background conceived from a 50 Cent song.

1) Ronaldinho: Snub this

Don't worry, 'Dinho, no snubbing here.

Take that, (recently-unemployed) Dunga.

This has it all: standard television shots, view-from-the-stands shots, non-abrasive music, and when appropriate, commentary.

The goals are pretty good, too.