San Francisco 49ers: A Christmas Wishlist for 2015

With the San Francisco 49ers mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and with Jim Harbaugh’s tenure with the team apparently coming to an end, per Jason La Canfora of CBS Sports, the ownership might be looking to a higher power for help.  Here at Bleacher Report, we pride ourselves on providing you with the most up-to-date information, so we have managed to acquire this communique, sent from 49ers headquarters in Santa Clara, California, to the North Pole.  Enjoy it, in the spirit of the season.

Dear Santa Claus,

I’ll admit it—we haven’t been very good this year.  On the field, we’ve sputtered to our first non-winning season since 2010, as we rank in the bottom 10 in both points scored and yards gained on offense.  After three straight years with a point differential of at least +124, we’ve tumbled to -37; it would take a huge blowout of the Arizona Cardinals this weekend for us to even get back to even.

LM Otero/Associated Press

Off the field, we’ve been worse.  One of our former players, Ray McDonald, was investigated on domestic violence charges, and then, after we stood by him, he was investigated on allegations of rape.  Our star linebacker, Aldon Smith, was hit with a nine-game suspension.  One of our cornerbacks, Chris Culliver, was arrested for a hit-and-run accident.  We’ve had more encounters with the police than any franchise should have to deal with.

We’re about to lose a head coach that has taken us to three straight conference championship games in large part because of a personality conflict between him and our general manager.  We’ve been unable to  find a way for them to coexist, and as such are planning on getting rid of a coach that is 43-19-1 in his time here, the best winning percentage among active coaches, and the sixth-best of all time.  It’s a situation where his replacement basically has to get us back to the NFC Championship Game next year to avoid being considered a failure.

Despite all of that, I’m hoping you’ll see your way to not leaving us a bunch of coal in our collective stockings this year.  We have tried—really, we have—to do our best despite the chaos surrounding us.  We’re hoping for a fresh start in the new year and would really appreciate it if you would bring us a couple of things this year for Christmas:

David Zalubowski/Associated Press

A top head-coaching candidate.  Jim Harbaugh is leaving some big shoes to fill, and the last thing we need is a re-tread candidate who has failed in an earlier head-coaching spot, like Josh McDaniels.  We need someone to get our fans back invested in the team, and can take our current collection of talent and be Harbaugh’s equal.  It has to be someone who can work with Colin Kaepernick and get him back to where he was last season—someone like Adam Gase, the offensive coordinator for the Denver Broncos, who has succeeded with both Tim Tebow and Peyton Manning.

An extension for defensive coordinator Vic Fangio.  We’re not failing because of our defense, Santa, it’s because of our offense.  Fangio has done an amazing job with our defense despite all the injuries we’ve suffered.  Against San Diego, for example, we were missing eight starters or their replacements on defense.  Yet, we’re still fifth in the league in yards allowed—Fangio is almost a miracle worker.  Whatever it takes to keep him in San Francisco—even if it means handing him the head coaching role—has to be considered.

A return to form for Colin Kaepernick.  Last year, Kaepernick was an above-average quarterback; a true duel-threat in both the passing game and running game.  He was Pro Football Focus’ 18th-rated quarterback (subscription required), which was more than enough to compete with our ferocious defense.  This year, however, he’s tumbled down to 30th. He’s still running well, Santa, but his accuracy and deep balls have come crashing down.  Help him regain confidence and return to the player we gave a massive contract extension this offseason.

Charlie Neibergall/Associated Press

A new offensive weapon.  Michael Crabtree is likely gone, Santa, and Vernon Davis might be a salary cap casualty after a disappointing season.  While Anquan Boldin and Stevie Johnson are really good players, we need an exciting young player to add another dimension to our offense.  In this year’s draft, we passed on players like Jarvis Landry, Donte Moncrief and Martavis Bryant, any of whom would be excellent additions to our team.  Don’t let it happen again, Santa—let us have a player like Amari Cooper, Devante Parker or Kevin White in the 2015 draft.

A return to health.  We have 16 players on injured reserve, Santa.  This includes NaVorro Bowman, Glenn Dorsey, Daniel Kilgore and Patrick Willis.  We’re down to our third-string nose tackle and our fourth- and fifth-string inside linebackers.  This isn’t even counting the many games lost due to non-season ending injuries, like Tramaine Brock’s.  The fact that we’re hovering around .500 despite all of these injuries is amazing, Santa.  Please make sure we don’t have to repeat that feat in 2014.

A win against Arizona.  A win would get us to 8-8, so we can at least keep our streak of non-losing seasons alive.  It would give us something positive rolling into the offseason, and maybe inspire a little hope that 2015 can be different.  Yes, a loss would improve our draft position incrementally, but I don’t think there’s any real need to worry too much about the difference between, say, the 13th pick and the 16th pick.

Tom Puskar/Associated Press

On a similar note, wins by Cleveland, Buffalo, Houston, Miami and Kansas City.  Every win by one of those five teams will help our draft position—if we win, and all five of those teams also win, we will pick 15th in this year’s draft.  That might be high enough to take West Virginia’s Kevin White or Michigan’s Devin Funchess.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, a more peaceful offseason.  Don’t even let any of our players be accused of making bomb threats at airports, much less domestic violence or rapes.  Even our players who are ultimately cleared have had attention-grabbing stories in the offseason, such as the Colin Kaepernick alleged sexual assault, in which he was eventually cleared of all wrongdoing.  This offseason is going to be hectic enough with a coaching change—please ensure that our players don’t make headlines for all the wrong reasons in 2015.

We’ll leave you some milk and cookies at the Bourbon Steak & Pup in Levi’s Stadium.  Merry Christmas.

Jed York, age 33

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but there isn’t actually an official letter from the 49ers to the North Pole this offseason—as far as we know, at least.

Bryan Knowles is a featured columnist for Bleacher Report, covering the San Francisco 49ers.  Follow him @BryKno on twitter.