The Bluths Explain Football: The Tennessee Titans Offseason

There's no better school of NFL wisdom than Arrested Development.

All summer, I'll be looking to the Bluth family for insight into the AFC South. I'll work through the episodes and look for the secret wisdom that only the insipid and pampered can provide.

Today, the Bluths take on the Tennessee Titans.

Today's Episode: Bringing Up Buster

Plot Summary: Michael worries that he's losing touch with his son, George Michael. Meanwhile Maeby joins the school play, leading both George Michael and Tobias to get involved. Buster begins to drive his mother crazy, leading her to foist him off on Michael.

Buster's inattentiveness and general ass-hattery drives Michael crazy, while neither George Michael nor Tobias manage to be successful in securing Maeby's attention. In the end, Buster winds up back with Lucille, and Michael and George Michael bond over some cornballs.

Key Quotes:

Soy loco por las cornballs!

- George Sr. (dubbed on Mexican television)

This one goes out to Bud Adams. Don't ask me why. It just does. I really don't expect anyone to argue the point.

Everyone is laughing and riding and corn-holing but Buster!

-Lucille

It felt to me like Chris Johnson was left out of the optimism about the Titans last year. His final volume numbers were ok, but despite a 9-7 record and some enthusiasm about the passing game for the first time...ever, Titans fans were openly questioning CJ's heart and desire after signing the big contract. It was like he was left out of the party, and everyone was left wondering when he was going to show up.

She's reaching out to her actor daddy! Does anyone have an ice pack?

- Tobias

News of Kenny Britt's recent knee scope are bit unnerving, but it's not worth getting melodramatic about yet. Everything sounds like it's still on track, but the Titans would be wise to realize that the Cornballer is really hot. It's easy to get burned multiple times.

"Is this a business decision or is it personal? Because if it's a business decision, I'll leave. Happily. But if it's personal, I'll leave. But I won't be happy."

"It's personal."

- Gob and Michael

The saddest part of the whole Peyton Manning saga was how deeply everyone in Tennessee cared. It was impossible not to feel bad for Titans fans, who were told it was a done deal that Manning was coming to Nashville.

When he finally decided on Denver because he felt more comfortable with Elway, it was rejection of a state that still idolized him. I don't think Peyton meant to hurt anyone's feelings, but you can't blame Titans fans for being bummed.

On a side note, has there ever been a more Michael Bluth athlete than Manning? Just seems to fit.

Maybe it's the 11 months he spent in the womb. Doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus.

- George Sr.

I know the smart money is on Matt Hasselbeck winning the starting job, but at some point I have to wonder if it's smart to keep Jake Locker on such a short leash.

When you take a quarterback in the first round but don't play him right away, you lose prime years on his first cheap contract. The last thing you want is to have to make a decision on a guy based on too little data because you failed to cut the apron strings to the clipboard in time.

Stand in for...Steve Holt?

- George Michael

The Titans are looking to replace...Eugene Amano? Winning a starting job in the NFL is a big thrill for any player, but when you get tabbed to take over for one of the league's worst centers, the victory has to feel a little hollow.

"This is not going to be a day at the beach!"

"That's cool. Mom packed me a change of clothes."

- Michael and Buster

Mike Muchak has been running much quieter workouts than have been previously seen in Nashville. He is not dispassionate at all, but doesn't see the need to scream at players to get his message across. Treating players like adults is a wise course of action, as long as they agree to act like adults.

"Yes, I was flying. A little too close to the sun."

"You let him go in the sun?!"

- Buster and Lucille

Can Hasselbeck repeat his resurgence in 2012? I'm not sure. His passer rating, yards, completion percentage and yards per attempts were all at four-year highs. His interception rate was at a five-year low. His sack rate was a career best, and dramatically lower than career norms. He was a great story in 2011, but I don't think he can sustain his play going forward.

Analysis

Bringing Up Buster is all about the Bluths' inability to change despite their desire to do so. Sometimes, you are what you are and everyone in the episode winds up in roughly the same place they started...cursing the Cornballer.

The Titans find themselves at the cross-roads. Will players revert to old patterns of play or selfishness or grow and mature to new levels of greatness?

Let's hope the Bluths don't hold the answer to that question.