Every NFL Team's Best Case & Worst Case Record in 2012

The 2012 NFL Playoffs are well underway, and with mock drafts galore popping up all over the Internet plenty of folks are looking ahead, but we're going to take things one step further here today.

Here's an excruciatingly early, somewhat tongue-in-cheek look at the best and worst case scenarios for every team in the NFL next year, as well as my prediction for their final record should either arise.

And no the math on wins and losses across the league probably won't add up. Sorry...Donovan McNabb ate my calculator.

Buffalo Bills

BEST CASE: Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick bounces back, running back Fred Jackson comes back healthy, the team re-signs wideout Stevie Johnson, and that and an improved defense propels the Bills to a 10-6 record.

WORST CASE: The Bills come lurching out of the gate, are out of it by midseason on the way to a 4-12 mark, and head coach Chan Gailey refuses to bring the team home from Toronto, thinking they'll have a better chance at being competitive in the CFL.

Miami Dolphins

BEST CASE: The Miami Dolphins are a rebuilding team, but should they land an upgrade at QB in free agency it's possible that a solid run game and strong defense could get the Dolphins a .500 record at 8-8.

WORST CASE: After missing out on Jeff Fisher Dolphins ownership panics and hires Director of Concessions Cleetus Monroe as head coach, and Miami plummets to a 3-13 record.

Hot dog sales, however, increase by 46%.

New York Jets

BEST CASE: Head Coach Rex Ryan heals a fractured locker room, new offensive coordinator Tony Sparano gets quarterback Mark Sanchez back on track, and the Jets usurp the New England Patriots as AFC East champs with a 12-4 season.

WORST CASE: Sanchez begins dating Lindsay Lohan and contracts leprosy, wide receiver Santonio Holmes does 90 days in jail for criminal stupidity, and the Jets lurch to a 5-11 mark that Ryan blames on Hue Jackson.

New England Patriots

BEST CASE: How much better can it get? The Patriots upgrade at running back and in the secondary, steamroll the AFC East, and make a run at an undefeated season before finishing 14-2.

WORST CASE: Dr. Gronkenstein repossesses his Monster after head coach Bill Belichick misses a payment, the Patriots defense finds a way to get even worse, and the Pats backslide to 10-6.

Cleveland Browns

BEST CASE: The Browns add offensive playmakers in the draft, Colt McCoy has the season of his life, the Browns catch a few breaks, and just miss the playoffs at 9-7.

WORST CASE: It's Cleveland. Use your imagination. 0-16

Cincinnati Bengals

BEST CASE: Quarterback Andy Dalton improves in year two, the Bengals acquire a dynamic running back, and building off last year's momentum they challenge for the AFC North title at 11-5.

WORST CASE: The Cincinnati Bengals, as is usually the case after any sort of success, remember that they're the Bengals and backslide to 6-10.

Pittsburgh Steelers

BEST CASE: Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger comes back healthy, the Steelers address the offensive line, and an angry Pittsburgh team rolls to an AFC North title at 13-3.

WORST CASE: The Pittsburgh o-line gets worse instead of better, and in a fit of frustration early in the season Roethlisberger abruptly retires for what he calls a "safer" career as a helmetless motorcycle daredevil. 7-9

Baltimore Ravens

BEST CASE: Joe Flacco develops even more as a quarterback, the Baltimore defense remains as dominant as ever, and the Ravens roll through the division and make a Super Bowl run at 13-3.

WORST CASE: Linebacker Ray Lewis is suspended after severely beating a Denny's employee who refused to give him the 10% Senior discount, and the resulting turmoil dogs the team throughout a 9-7 campaign.

Jacksonville Jaguars

BEST CASE: Blaine Gabbert plays somewhat like a competent NFL quarterback, the Jaguars get him some targets to throw to, and the Jags begin the rebuild with a 6-10 year.

WORST CASE: Gabbert's even worse and the Jags lose their first 11 games before finishing 2-14 in a year that causes running back Maurice Jones-Drew to have a nervous breakdown while also rushing for 1,500 yards.

Tennessee Titans

BEST CASE: Quarterback Jake Locker makes big strides in his second year, running back Chris Johnson returns to form, and the Titans emerge as a surprise contender in the AFC South at 10-6.

WORST CASE: Locker stinks, Johnson stinks, wide receiver Kenny Britt gets arrested for the 38th time, and the Tennessee Titans hurch and lurch their way to a 5-11 mark that's worse than it actually looks.

Indianapolis Colts

BEST CASE: Quarterback Peyton Manning returns in top form, wide receiver Reggie Wayne re-signs and the Colts look a lot more like the '10 version than the '11 one while finishing the year 11-5.

WORST CASE: The Colts trade Manning, clean house, first pick Andrew Luck is a disaster, and Indianapolis enters a five-year death spiral that will be known in the future as "The Dark Time" with a 3-13 year.

Houston Texans

BEST CASE: Quarterback Matt Schaub and outside linebacker Mario Williams return, the Texans continue to improve, and the team makes their first real run at the Super Bowl after going 12-4.

WORST CASE: Once again Matt Schaub gets hurt but this time Matt Leinart doesn't, and the backup signal-caller beerbongs the Texans hopes right down the proverbial tubes at 7-9.

Oakland Raiders

BEST CASE: The Oakland Raiders get improved play from quarterback Carson Palmer, running back Darren McFadden stays healthy, and the Silver and Black makes a run at the playoffs with a 10-6 mark.

WORST CASE: Owner Mark Davis gets an even worse haircut. 3-13

Kansas City Chiefs

BEST CASE: The offense stays healthy, the defense continues to improve, and the Chiefs bounce back under new head coach Romeo Crennel before falling just short of the playoffs at 9-7.

WORST CASE: Quarterback Matt Cassel continues to resist efforts to psychologically condition him against believing that he is, in fact, Matt Cassel. 5-11

Denver Broncos

BEST CASE: Offseason workouts with John Elway lead to quarterback Tim Tebow being able to complete forward passes, and Tebow does just that all season en route to a 11-5 record and AFC West title.

WORST CASE: On an offseason trip to Atlanta with the fellas Tebow meets and marries a pole dancer, losing both his virginity and superpowers and causing the Broncos to fumble to a 4-12 mark.

San Diego Chargers

BEST CASE: Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers goes back to being Philip Rivers, the Chargers remember that they're the most talented team in the AFC West, and remind the rest of the division on the way to finishing 12-4.

WORST CASE: The Chargers retain head coach Norv Turner and general manager A.J. Smith, and...

Oh, never mind. 9-7

Dallas Cowboys

BEST CASE: The Cowboys play with more consistency, address the offensive line and secondary, and challenge all season for the NFC East title at 12-4.

WORST CASE: After being struck by lightning on a golf course while trying to qualify for the Greater Hookakoochee Open quarterback Tony Romo is lost for the season, forcing the Cowboys to turn in a panic to...

Brett Favre

3-13

New York Giants

BEST CASE: Quarterback Eli Manning continues his ascension to superstar at the position while an improved defense leads to the Giants being the class of the NFC East at 13-3.

WORST CASE: Eli struggles horribly out of the gate, and after throwing six interceptions in the first quarter of a Week 4 game head coach Tom Coughlin beats him into a coma with a card table. The Giants finish 6-10.

Philadelphia Eagles

BEST CASE: The Eagles upgrade the middle of their defense, play to the potential everyone thought they had last year, and emerge as a clear Super Bowl contender with a 13-3 campaign.

WORST CASE: The Eagles remain competitive, but poor clock management and play calling costs the Eagles a few games, they finish 10-6, and lose in the first round of the playoffs.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Washington Redskins

BEST CASE: The Redskins are able to acquire that franchise quarterback of the future they so badly desire, and in doing so they don't even mind sitting through a 6-10 season that at least offers some hope for the future.

WORST CASE: After head coach Mike Shanahan is mummified by the third-hand tanning bed Daniel Snyder got him for Christmas the Redskins settle on Brad Childress as their new head coach, exterminating all that hope. 3-13

Minnesota Vikings

BEST CASE: the rehab of running back Adrian Peterson's knee goes better than expected, Christian Ponder progresses nicely in his second season, and the Vikings begin the march back to respectability at 6-10.

WORST CASE: Peterson's knee injury lingers, Ponder faceplants, and Vikings ownership receives a petition from the people of Minneapolis asking them to move to Los Angeles. 3-13

Chicago Bears

BEST CASE: Running back Matt Forte will be back in Chicago and 100%, the Bears will get some help on the offensive line, and a new "Bear Style" offense will have Chicago in the thick of the wild card hunt at 10-6.

WORST CASE: The Bears somehow lose Forte. That'd about do it. 4-12

Detroit Lions

BEST CASE: The Lions come out hungry and disciplined, and with an improved secondary quarterback Matthew Stafford leads the Lions to an NFC North championship at 13-3.

WORST CASE: A crazed Matt Millen kidnaps the entire team and injects them with "Millenmind", turning the lot of them into gibbering buffoons and the Lions back into the Liedowns. 3-13

Green Bay Packers

BEST CASE: A Green Bay Packers team angry about how their 2011 season ended spend the 2012 season taking that out on the rest of the NFL en route to a 14-2 mark.

WORST CASE: Half the team is injured in a freak accident during the filming of an insurance commercial, and a depleted Green Bay roster struggles to make the playoffs, finishing 10-6.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

BEST CASE: The new regime in Tampa instills some much needed discipline, quarterback Josh Freeman gets his groove back, and the Buccaneers take a big step forward by going 7-9.

WORST CASE: The defense still stinks, Freeman free falls even more, and Tampa reclaims a bit of team history by taking back the claim as the worst single season team in NFL history by going winless. 0-16

Carolina Panthers

BEST CASE: Cam Newton takes the next step as a pro quarterback, making better reads and propelling a prolific Panthers offense and improved defense into playoff contention at 10-6.

WORST CASE: Newton, in jest, makes a disparaging remark about wide receiver Steve Smith's new purple track suit and gets to spend the first two months of the 2012 season eating dinner through a straw, leading to a dismal 4-12 season for the team.

Atlanta Falcons

BEST CASE: The Falcons keep their roster more-or-less intact and have a pretty successful season, going 10-6 before falling in the first round of the playoffs.

Where have I heard that before?

WORST CASE: Head coach Mike Smith decides the the biggest flaw in his fourth down coaching strategy is that it's not unilateral and decides to always go for it on fourth down on the way to a 3-13 mark that at least gets him fired.

New Orleans Saints

BEST CASE: The Saints don't have too many holes to fill, so with a little linebacker, secondary, or offensive line help they could be well on their way to another 13-3 season and deep playoff run.

WORST CASE: During training camp a rookie becomes a bit too friendly with the daughter of a local houngan, causing him to place a hex on the players that makes them all develop elephantitis of the...10-6.

St. Louis Rams

BEST CASE: Under Jeff Fisher's tutelage quarterback Sam Bradford improves, as do the rest of the Rams, who are much more competitive during a 6-10 first season under the new coach.

WORST CASE: I'm pretty sure we just saw it folks. 2-14

Arizona Cardinals

BEST CASE: Quarterback Kevin Kolb plays like he's worth $63 million and the Cardinals perform for a season like the team that closed 2011 7-2, challenging for the division at 11-5.

WORST CASE: Kevin Kolb plays like Kevin Kolb, the Cardinals realize they wasted a ton of money, and the 5-11 Redbirds look a lot more like the team that started 2011 1-6.

Seattle Seahawks

BEST CASE: Tavaris Jackson continues to play fairly well, the Seahawks upgrade on both lines, and Pete Carroll continues to meld an 11-5 Seahawks team into a contender in the NFC West.

WORST CASE: All the Skittles that running back Marshawn Lynch can afford with his new contract cause his weight to balloon to 477 pounds, dealing a severe blow to the offense of the 6-10 Seahawks.

San Francisco 49ers

BEST CASE: The 49ers add a home run threat at wide receiver, and with their lethal mixture of stout defense and a more explosive offense San Francisco becomes the class of the NFC in going 15-1.

WORST CASE: Before the season Candlestick Park is (somewhat) surprisingly condemned, and with the 49ers forced to play their games in a vacant lot across town due to an obscure clause in their stadium lease the upheaval proves too much for the 7-9 49ers, who miss the playoffs.