San Francisco 49ers: Grading the Week 16 Win

Well, you can't spell "Niners win because of gutsy kicker's leg" without "ugly!" What? Is that a stretch?

A win's a win. The 49ers made it scary for us, but pulled it out in the end with some timely offense and always-stingy defense. What a gift. 

Here's to hoping the Saints blow it against Atlanta on Monday Night Football so the San Francisco starters can get some rest in Week 17.

Without further ado, here is my report card with a holiday flair for the 49ers' big Week 16 win over the Seahawks. 

Passing Game: B-

It wasn't a bad day for the passing game. But it's kind of like the toy you get under the tree that's just not quite as fun as you were hoping for. Like a furby. God, those things were creepy.

Alex Smith came to life in the second half and made some huge, clutch throws on the touchdown drive. He didn't throw any interceptions again, and kept his ridiculously low total at five for the year.

And actually, Vernon Davis had two huge drops in the first half, and Michael Crabtree mishandled an easy catch too. Those plays definitely would have made Smith's numbers look better. 

In the end, it's another win on Smith's resume. But how long did that furby really stay in your closet? I stopped playing with mine after it woke me up in the middle of the night with a robotic burp.

Too much of a metaphor? Say "feed me" if you understood.

Running Game: B

Frank Gore looked pretty damn good in this game. And Kendall Hunter wasn't bad either. It's like the Christmas dinner dish your grandma made. I expected, under the circumstances, a lackluster effort. 

But more than 150 combined yards later, color me impressed. Gore punched in the Niners' only touchdown, and was hitting some big holes with speed and power.

Anybody else think a certain all-time leading rusher is fully healed? That brings a boyish smile to my face. Check that, I think I'm buzzing on eggnog.

Front 7: B+

And with this grade, another prominent streak comes to an end for the 49er defense. This is the first time all season I have not awarded the 49ers' ferocious front seven with an "A" grade. 

It's not just because the 100-yard rusher streak was broken by Marshawn "Beastmode Riding the Skittle Train to GrillVille" Lynch. It's not just because the aforementioned runner is the first all season to take a hand off to pay dirt against this D.

It's mostly just because they were missing something. Like this year's batch of fudge. Mom forgot the sugar, the Niners forgot the Willis. 

Luckily, it still tasted pretty sweet. As in Aldon Smith is half a sack away from tying Jevon Kearse's rookie record. As in Larry Grant stepped up big again and made the game-sealing tackle that forced a fumble.

Willis should be back next week, and that gets me hotter than chestnuts over an electrically-lit fire. I know. But there really was a Christmas burn ban in California. Of all the days to spare the air...

Secondary: B

Well, 17 points is pretty solid. Tarvaris Jackson still looked horrible after their first drive, and there wasn't much trouble containing the Hawk receivers. 

But, Tarell Brown made a big mistake on a pass-interference penalty and Dashon Goldson looked legally blind trying to tackle Doug Baldwin on the Seahawks' first touchdown. 

Overall, the unit played pretty well. I think they were comparable to a menorah. Yeah, I just got all Hanukkah on you. 

Why a menorah? Because all the DBs kind of just stood there and looked cool after Jackson lit them up at the beginning. 

And yes, I was born this clever.

Special Teams: C

I can't go any lower. David Akers won another game for us. He is clearly the 49ers' MVP. And how about some props for breaking the all-time single season field goal record in the game? Way to go, Davey.

Unfortunately, the 49ers had a punt blocked that turned into a touchdown for the Seahawks, and Akers also missed a field goal. 

The blocked punt was so shockingly uncharacteristic, that it drops them down to an average grade. 

A holiday-related comparison that highlights an amazing group of players that all 49er fans adore, suddenly letting us down?

It could be nothing other than that chilling, awful realization each and every one of you had as kids. Santa is a big, fat phony. 

Oh...you didn't know. Oh god. I'm so, so sorry...Please don't punch me. 

Coaching: A-

I really liked the play-calling actually. This is rare. Normally, I'm the first to rip the playbook to shreds. But I think everything worked out well and the touchdown drive was especially well-done.

Jim Harbaugh and his boys definitely impressed me by coming out of the locker room with a little fire and playing a good second half to come away with a win. Especially in such a tough environment. 

It's like surviving the office ugly sweater party. Nobody wanted to be there, they all looked stupid, but at least they all got a little drunk and left with a smile on their faces.

Gosh, either I'm up too late, or I really need to do more things for fun during the holidays. Because these comparisons are getting bad. 

But not as bad as the LAMENESS that is the politically-correct handshake between Harbaugh and rival Pete Carroll after the game. Was I the only one predicting a full on throw down?

Overall: B

It was a decent holiday. In the end, we had fun. We drank, we danced and were mostly merry. The fudge could have had more sugar, and the crazy uncle didn't have to tell all the kids about the mirage of Santa.

But hey, at least the 49ers are 12-3 with a stranglehold on the No. 2 seed in the NFC. Right?

Forget the wrap-up this week—I wish everyone a very merry holiday season, a happy new year and hopefully a 13-3 season.

And let's all hope Delanie Walker can see straight in time for the playoffs. Good night. Good luck. And good tidings.