And the Winner Is: The 2011 WWE Gullo Awards

I think it's safe to say that in 2011 the WWE took a colossal step, skip, hop, jump—or whatever propels one forward—in the right direction. It was a year of returns, goodbyes, comedy, tragedy, highs and lows. It was a year that gave us a glimpse into the future while taking us on a journey through the past.

The highs were in abundance, but...

...Come to think of it, the lows were pretty low.

I mean, we did have a four month stretch where John Cena was crammed so far down our throats that I'm assuming most of you couldn't sit down properly until July. We witnessed a Michael Cole/Lawler feud that stayed up way passed its bedtime and then, just like a tried, cranky child who becomes less tolerable, saw it transform into a Cole/J.R. feud that gave us plenty of classic (throw up) moments.

We also witnessed the complete and utter mismanagement of top WWE stars, divas, and booking so bad that I often wondered if creative just randomly chucked darts, blindfolded, at a dart board of ideas after going on drug and alcohol fueled benders.

Speaking of alcohol. This brings us to our first award of the night...

The Award for Best WWE Related Mix Drink 

The Cenation: a combination of cheap vodka, moxie, and fruity pebbles. This eloquent drink has a robust, burning, bitter, fruity flavor that is guaranteed to make you throw up within five minutes of consumption.

Side Note: Remember to always drink responsibly and to "just say no" to peer pressure. Unless you're being offered a Cenation. All the kids are doing it, and you wouldn't want to be labeled a loser would you?

But seriously, the WWE tends to work in cycles. There are good times and bad times throughout any given year. If 2011 accomplished anything it saw the rise of a future WWE Hall of Famer, the rebirth of a monster, and shined a positive, much needed, light on the future of the product. 2011 was an overall successful year for the WWE. And any year that sees Randy Orton loose cleanly has to be considered a good year, right?

My Friend: Are you really going to put your name on the awards? I don't know who Oscar is, but I know you're not him.

Me: Listen Jabroni! It's my opinions, my fingers typing the letters, my thoughts and comments, and it's my article. I'm putting my name on the awards! Who wouldn't want a Gullo?

My Girlfriend: (slowly raises her hand) ...

And now for the 2011 WWE Gullo awards!

Random Awards That Needed to Be Given

The following are a list of awards that needed to be handed out.

Award for Best Bleacher Report Comment 

The following comment has been heavily edited in order to keep in the PG spirit. The comment was in relation to an article I wrote about the Hell in a Cell pay-per-view.

The award goes to B/R member Dan Zannnes for this lovely, honest, hilarious, and truthful comment: 

"I'm not against WWE taking care of its stars, I'm all for their wellness policy and i don't need to see excessive violence or blading.... but ya know, you wouldn't make a movie called " Promiscuous women 4" if you needed to keep it PG, so don't give us PG Hell in a Cell matches."

Award for Best Comedic Performance

Zack Ryder: Whether he's Broski Booting people in the face, Woo Woo Wooing his way into the hearts of thousands, or fascinating his followers through his YouTube show Zack Ryder was by far the funniest person in the WWE this year.

He wins the award for his "WWE Dropping the Ball" skit in one of his earlier shows. A close second was watching him try to "Get Over" the fence.

Award for Best WWE Song

Theme Song to WrestleMania 27: "Written in the Stars" performed by Tinie Tempah & Eric Turner.

Award for Best Dressed Superstar

The Miz: I was gonna be funny and say John Cena, but as my girlfriend pointed out:

"You never joke about fashion". So the award goes to the Miz because he always finds time to suit up!

Award for Best Bleacher Report Writer

William Gullo

My Friend: Dude, I don't think you can do that. It's a complete conflict of interest, and mildly self centered.

Me: It's my freaking award show!

And now for the big time awards...

Feud of the Year

There was nothing better in 2011 then watching these two stud athletes continually beat the mother loving hell out of each other. Some might argue that their feud lasted to long (a nearly five month endeavor that saw them face off in four straight PPV matches for the World Heavyweight Title), but each match was unique and could've easily been regarded as match of the night.

While giving Orton a mic is the equivalent of strapping a microphone to a baby seal; The feud was able to not only survive, but escalate even though the in between buildups were less then stellar. The feud was what it was because the in-ring work was beyond exceptional, and pushed the limits of each of the competitors.

Their "No Holds Barred" match at SummerSlam was one of the greatest matches I've seen in awhile, and the brutality that Orton showed after his "loss" at Money in the Bank (RKOing Christian twice onto the announcing table) was something much needed in the WWE at the time.

Special shout out to the Spanish announcing table during this epic feud. It's resilience, and constant sturdiness throughout helped this feud become what it is today.   

My Friend: I heard that if the Spanish announcing table doesn't job to Orton soon he's going to have it de-pushed down the roster. 

P.S. Christian totally deserves..."One More Match"

Dumbest Moment of the Year

Without a doubt the dumbest moment of the year award goes to Michael Cole and J.R....

... I really have nothing funny, intelligent, or remotely meaningful to say about this travesty.

For awhile the "Dumbest Moment of the Year" award was solely in the possession of Hornswoggle when he apparently "ate" Jack Swagger's American eagle...

Side Note: I really think everyone is dumber for viewing these moments, as well as reading this slide.

(Shaking head)

We're all in agreement on this one, right?

I'm glad I held off writing this piece because the award goes to J.R. and Cole for their lame rap battle.

As the great poet Jim Ross once spoke:

"Cole you kissed King's feet"

(ridiculous long, awkward pause) "Now you can kiss my ass"

That doesn't even rhyme! How hard is it to rhyme something with ass? Did they really try to freestyle? How come no one wrote some funny lines for them?

Bass, glass, crass, class... look! I'm using words that rhyme! This segment could have been comedy gold, but instead it wins this award. I did enjoy Booker trying to be Mekhi Phifer from 8 Mile, though.

I can actually feel my brain cells exploding as I write this slide, so I'm going to move on now.

Worst Wrestler of the Year

After much deliberation, and really not much at all the award for "Worst Wrestler of the Year" goes to none other then John Morrison. For those of you (I know you're out there) who disagree here are five reasons why Mr. Morrison was given this prestigious award:

1. While he has excellent wrestling skills that probably should have been used better, the fact remains that Morrison really only shined when he was flipping around in Elimination Chambers and cage matches. He did have one really good match with the Miz this year, but since then it's been a long downward spiral.

2. His music, lame slow motion entrance, character, and ex girlfriend (partially his fault because of the "guilty by association" rule) combined to form a pipe bomb that blew any chances of him being relevant in the near future.

3.  He has defined the term "buried" this year. So just out of principle he should be given this award. 

4. His "Star Ship Pain" finisher (while pretty cool) rarely ever lands, and doesn't look like a legit finisher at all.

5. I really wanted to like Morrison, but it was apparent the WWE agreed with me on this award because nothing says "Worst Wrestler of  the Year" more then watching Morrison come back from injury and job to everything with a pulse.

Here's how that conversation went in my head...

WWE Executives: Hey John! Welcome back big guy! You feeling OK? We just wanted to thank you for coming back from a severe neck injury faster then we anticipated. You got guts kid. So anyway, we're gonna need you to go out and loose for the next three months and then we're probably going to release you after we have the Miz basically "Shawn Michaels" you out of the WWE. Cool?

Best Payperview of the Year

Money in the Bank (from here on out known as MITB, because it's honestly a pain to type out) was easily the best event of the year.

Not only did it involve two outstanding ladder matches, a high caliber encounter between Randy Orton and Christian, but was the stage to one of the greatest matches my eyes have ever laid witness to. We'll talk more about the epic Cena/Punk match later (foreshadowing) because it's important to shed light on the monumental change this event brought to the WWE landscape. 

For months before this event the WWE was mired in a state of complacency. Sure we had the Rock and WrestleMania, but in all honesty that was the equivalent of taking a car with 300,000 miles on it and slapping on a new set of tires without replacing the engine, belts, or battery. The product was boring, predictable, stale, and basically surviving off the popularity of two superstars who had already accomplished everything there was to accomplish.

Then something happened that altered the course, focus, and direction of the company's future. They handed CM Punk a microphone and basically told him "make yourself a star", and MITB was the crescendo to the explosion that follows when a star is born.

It's as if the WWE finally listened to all of the frustration, built up anger, and cries for a better landscape to a product many had already abandoned. Those that stuck through the complacency issues and self imposed road blocks were finally thrown a voice, a leader, an anti hero for the growing dissenters against John Cena and this cookie cutter image the WWE had crafted.

While all of this new found edginess, direction, and focus was all well and good; It would have meant nothing if MITB failed to deliver. It did, and the company, product, and image of the WWE has vastly improved since then. MITB wins this award for not only having a fantastic card, great matches, and an electric Chicago crowd, but for delivering on it's premise of change.

Best/Worst Actor of the Year

It takes a lot for me to be offended, but when someones acting in the WWE is so atrocious that they can't even manage to carry a simple story arc, I get offended.

It takes a certain skill set to become a massive star in the WWE: Good look, character, wrestling ability, and the ability to act. I'm pretty positive its harder to learn proper wrestling abilities then it is to act, but by the way some carry a story you wouldn't think that. I'm looking at you John Morrison, but you already won an award so you're luckily out of the running for this one.

Here's a question that deserves some thought...

What's an easier approach to crafting a WWE superstar?

A. Taking athletic actors and running them through wrestling school boot camp in order for them to gain the skill set equivalent to a John Cena or Hogan.

B. Taking actual wrestlers and sending them off to acting class.

Best Actor of the Year Award

R-Truth: I honestly can't think of anyone that has played a character with such commitment, accuracy, and dedication the way R-truth did this year. He basically resurrected his career in his portrayal of a conspiracy theorists who had lost his mind. His humor, crazy eyes, fear of spiders, hatred for little jimmies, and new found edginess in the ring helped him keep a spot on the roster as well as win this award.

Worst Actor of the Year Award 

Randy Orton: Was...there...ever...any...doubt...about...who...was...going...to...win...this...award?

Announcer of the Year

With the greatest of ease Booker T takes the award for announcer of the year.

I'll admit that in the beginning Booker was off to a hilariously awful start, but the fact that he was able to step his game up, find his comfort zone, and develop unbelievable chemistry with any announcer he was paired with won him this award.

His chemistry alone with Michael Cole (a pure comedy gold tag team) was the sole reason I tuned into watch Smackdown for a good portion of the year. There are so many catch phrases that evolved from his completely insane vocabulary that it would take me years to list them, but my personal clear cut favorite would have to be:

"Aww Shucy, Ducky, Quack, Quack!"

I'm ashamed to admit I use this in real world situations around non wrestling fans, and it always seems to gain a laugh or two. Of course there's always that one person (usually a girl) who gives you that condescending eye. These people were unfortunately born without a personality or sense of humor. Pray for them...

...Anyways, if you learned anything from the WWE this year it's that the hip bone is connected to the leg bone. Thanks Book!

I never watched WCW, and my adoration for the WWE trailed off when they took over WCW and split the brands up so I never got to appreciate or get to know Booker T as an in-ring competitor. Because of his turn to announcing he is now easily in my "Fav Five" of wrestlers all time.

Congratulations to Booker T. All the haters out there need to remember one thing...

...He's coming for you! 

Rising Star of the Year

Let's say you invested in John Cena stock way back in 2002 when he had his first match with Kurt Angle. It would have been the equivalent to investing in Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, or Apple before they hit mainstream popularity, and basically began their world domination.

I'm not going to say that Dolph Ziggler is going to be as big as John Cena ( that happens once every ten years), but I will say that now is the time to buy all the Ziggler stock you can get your hands on. It's pretty much damn near inevitable that Ziggler, along with: CM Punk, Del Rio, Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Wade Barrett, potentially Zack Ryder, and Sheamus are the long term foundations for the WWE.

At the beginning of the year Ziggler was already, albeit briefly, in the World Title scene. Then he trolled around in obscurity for awhile (cut his hair and dyed it brunette), but has since been reincarnated due to his incredibly long (for the modern WWE) run as United States Champion. It has allowed him to showcase his above average wrestling skills that have been complimented quite nicely by his vastly improving mic skills.

He has the ability to put a five star match on, and isn't that the only thing that matters?

This reminds me...

Best Wrestler Who Makes Their Opponent Always Look Good Award

Since Ziggler seems to be pulling double duty at payperviews a lot I figured I'd keep in that spirit and award him not only the "Rising Star" award, but this award as well.

Ziggler will headline at least one WrestleMania in his career. You can invest in that. Hedge your bet with Cody Rhodes though; he was a close second.    

WWE MVP Award

"CM Punk, CM Punk, CM Punk!"

Me: Do you think it would be remotely funny to give this to John Cena, and watch the hate words fly around?

My Friend: ... (slaps me)

CM Punk is the clear choice for this year's WWE MVP award. We could talk about his excellent wrestling abilities, his impressive mic skills, his look, his music, his attitude, and the fact that he won this award as early as July...but we won't because you've already been beaten over the head with it like that scene in Inglorious Bastards.

Here's hoping he doesn't test positive for PED's like Ryan Braun did.

CM Punk changed the way we view the WWE product. He single handedly brought back old school fans, reignited the passion of current fans, and found a way to bring the WWE into the mainstream light, while only for a short time, that brought much needed public attention to a product sorely lacking in popularity.

If he somehow manages to get WWE Ice Cream bars back into production he might earn a lifetime achievement award from me next year (something only handed out to those who are way past their prime or dead).

I wouldn't be overly shocked if Punk won this award next year too. He is the present as well as the future.

Match of the Year

From the Chicago crowd igniting as CM Punk entered the arena to the shower of boos that rained upon Cena, the match had a different feel to it from the very beginning. A feel that had long been gone from the WWE in it's current era. Wrestling (for only a moment) felt real.

If the entrances weren't enough to give you goosebumps, you're either not a wrestling fan or you have no pulse. Punk's "once in a lifetime" hometown entrance stopped time. The voices of Chicago had been heard, and John Cena hilariously walked into a buzz saw.

The match itself did not disappoint either. A 35-minute epic that included three different acts, numerous near falls, an attempted "screw job part II," John Larinaitus eating a right hand from Cena, John Cena "going to sleep," Del Rio missing the boat, and CM Punk blowing Vince McMahon a kiss goodbye as he ascended the stairs of not only the arena, but his path to WWE immortality.

The only match in nearly fifteen years to receive a rare five star rating was gold from the very beginning.

I wrote this right before the MITB event:

"If there's one thing you need to know about Money in the Bank, it is that CM Punk will be holding up the WWE title when the curtain closes. What happens from there is anyone's guess, but that old WWE magic will have returned to our veins and will pump through our body once again."

There are few moments when wrestling transcends time, space, and reality. There are few times when two wrestlers can captivate an audience the way John Cena and CM Punk did, but with it came that old WWE magic that once again flowed through our veins.

Congratulations to the WWE in 2011!