NBA Lockout: Phoenix Suns Fantasy Games for a Fantasy Season

It’s that time of year.

The Cardinals have finished off the MLB season, the Packers are making another push for the Superbowl (at Week 9 of the NFL season) and, finally, after four arduous off-season months, the NBA is back.

Normally, this is the point where NBA preseason games have been won, lost or completely ignored and we’re finally into Week 1 of the regular season (also known as the eight months we live for).

Jerseys have been brought to the front of the closet and the NBA League Pass has been ordered. We’re ready for 1,230 games full of Blake Griffin dunks, Dwight Howard blocks, Steve Nash passes and Lebron James meltdowns. (Sorry, had to.)

And I’d be fired up.

Normally, that is. But there's just one little thing.

There was no preseason. I can’t find my jerseys. The League Pass is a blank screen. (But I’m kidding. I didn’t order League Pass—and I hope you didn’t either—because honestly, who didn’t see this coming?)

The NBA owners and the players (who are no longer NBA players) chose not to meet all summer to negotiate a new CBA before the season started. That basically ensured that the first few weeks of the season would be canceled.

Now the two sides are refusing to reach an agreement on who gets the extra percentage points from the BRI split. The players are threatening to decertify, which would effectively put an end to the lockout by ending the season altogether.

Maybe the Mayans were right—the world is going to end in 2012 and it’s going to start with a canceled NBA season.

Are you depressed yet?

If not, allow me to assist you. At the end of Week 1 of regular season play, the Phoenix Suns should have played the Thunder, the Lakers, the Blazers and the Grizzlies.

That’s right—four of the most exciting teams in the NBA and all legitimate championship contenders that the Suns could have proved themselves against.

But those games are gone. Vanished. Canceled.

That's where my friend/roommate/only-other-girl-I-can-talk-basketball-with, Ali Slyce, comes in.

Now while Ms. Slyce and I may have differing allegiances (she’s a die-hard Utah Jazz fan), we both watch, read and talk about an inordinate amount of basketball. Hence, we both have a pretty good grip on the topic.

So, as Week 1 faded into oblivion—and potentially epic basketball games were lost forever—I turned to her for some moral support. This is where people may start to worry about our mental health and well-being: We decided to come up with fake scores for all of these non-existent games.

It’s like being in Vegas and betting on the over/under of a football game, but never being able to know the outcome. Entertaining and completely maddening.

Judge us if you like, but here’s how we broke down the first four games of the Phoenix Suns’ season:

Game 1: OKC Thunder @ Phoenix Suns

Slyce: Thunder 96-90

Borgman: Thunder 92-84

See? We’re geniuses. The Thunder is a force to be reckoned with. Even at home, we both thought the Suns would struggle against that Westbrook-Durant-Ibaka lineup. Oklahoma wins, 95-88.

Game 2: Los Angeles Lakers @ Phoenix Suns

Slyce: Suns 92-86

Borgman: Lakers 99-78

Ok, so we disagreed on this one. But thanks for the support, Slyce.

Her argument was that the Suns were playing at home and—with Mike Brown coaching only his second regular season Lakers game—there could be some potential weakness there.

I like that argument better than mine, which is that the Lakers always beat the Suns in Phoenix and break my heart. Let’s say Phoenix wins this one, 90-85.

Game 3: Portland Trailblazers @ Phoenix Suns

Slyce: Blazers 96-91

Borgman: Suns 90-91

First of all, thank you to the NBA for allowing the Suns to play their first three games at home. That’s my only defense for allowing the Suns to win this game.

With the Suns’ home-court advantage—and my prediction that Brandon Roy’s knee still hurts—I say Phoenix somehow pulls it out.

Slyce disagreed, but only because she hates the Suns. The only game she picked them to win was against the Lakers, because she hates them even more.

I’m kidding. At least she gave the Suns a chance with a five-point game (but she does hate the Lakers).

I’m torn on this one. Can we just give it to Phoenix? Thanks! They win, 91-90.

Game 4: Phoenix Suns @ Memphis Grizzlies

Slyce: Grizzlies 97-86

Borgman: Grizzlies: 94-87

I swear, we don’t discuss these beforehand.

Sorry, Phoenix, the Grizzlies are good. (Which I never remember until I think about Zach Randolph, Mike Conley and Marc Gasol in the playoffs.) If Rudy Gay is back, they win this game. Memphis, 96-87.

So there it is: Fake scores for fake games in a non-existent season. If Slyce and I are, in fact, NBA savants, then the Suns' record should be 2-2, which one more win than last year’s opening week record.

We’ll obviously never know the outcomes of these games. Barring NBAPA desertification and a canceled season, we might get to see a couple re-matches.

In the meantime, what else is an NBA fan supposed to do? I’m open to suggestions…