SEC Football 2011: Larry's Losers in the SEC – Week 3

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer) Well sports fans, the pigskin pickin' pooch and I are back to playing bogey golf overall as we followed up wonderful week one's perfect prognostication with two rotten eggs this week.

That makes the record 20-2 for the year and for you non-math majors, that's still hittin' about 90 percent and though we're still graded out an A, there's only one point left before that drops back to a B, so the pooch and I are pointing to perfection in hopes of getting a little breathing room from a drop like that.

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt

Of all the picks last week, Bacardi the Wonder Dog and I were woefully worried about the Vanderbilt match up and said so. It's hard to predict a painfully pathetic team when playing practically its pathetic partner in past pigskin problems. It was indeed a close game and we missed the wrong side of that coin toss.

This week the two bottom feeders in the SEC square up as the old Rebels ramble up the Nashville to claim the title of least pathetic in the SEC and sink the Commodore's ship once more as they lower themselves to that occasion once again this year. 

Vandy is hoping that when two suckers square off, that anything's possible. Hey, it happened last week. But this week the leaking liner that is the Commodore's ship officially sinks once again to the depths of SEC. 

Larry's Loser – Vanderbilt

Tennessee at Florida

Which team is rebuilding the fastest? That is the question. Derek Dooley's Volunteers aim to volley a round of musket balls into the muck Lizzard's mire and come home with some Alligator hide trophies. 

But Will's wonder reptiles think their hide is tough enough to withstand to first few frenzied volleys until they can get close enough to let those snappin' incisors.

With the game going down in the Gator's grotto, it could go just that way and though Bacardi and I still don't have a firm grasp on just how good these two teams are right now, we both feel you gotta go Gators.

Larry's Loser – Tennessee

Navy at South Carolina

The Midshipmen unfurl the sails and head to dangerous destinations as they cruise to the Carolinas to pick on the Peckers of Steve Spurrier. 

So far the Middies have mustered enough firepower to beat their first two opponents by opulent margins but those were just floating rust buckets compared to the destroyer that these chickens are cooped up in.

In the end, we're all gonna see that not even the might of the U.S. Navy can withstand the peckin' power of pullets out to prove a point. 

Larry's Loser – Navy

Louisville at Kentucky 

If this were a basketball game, this might be a contest worth watching, but these two teams have just not got football teams that have proven they can they can run with the big dogs yet. 

This in state rivalry will have the folks in Kentucky all caught up, but this battle of Cats and Birds won't get much notice anywhere else. The Cats have struggled against schools they shouldn't have and the Cardinals have just gotten walloped by one of those confusing Florida schools better known by initials than by football greatness. 

So in this big old battle of who cares, the least sorry team should triumph and that should be the SEC team.

Larry's Loser – Louisville 

Coastal Carolina at Georgia

Mark's mutts have been kicked to the curb in both games this season and finally found a team to play that's so bad that not even these flea bitten Bulldogs could get run over by.

These Chanticleer cluckers are so bad the dogs won't have to worry about being pecked like they were against the South Carolina Gamecocks, but winning this game will do little to un-light the fire that's blazing on Richt's backside right now.

Even a close win would be disastrous for these dogs as they try to salvage a season that's quickly quagmired in questions as to the future of this Dog kennel leader.

Larry's Loser – Coastal Carolina

LSU at Mississippi State 

Last week Mullin's Mutts disappointed the dog and me as they let didn't tame the tabbies from down Auburn way as they should have. They may have come within a foot of pulling it out, but this is football and not horse shoes and I think they wish they had that one in a do over.

Now Les Miles has the Tigers purring like a well tuned Ferrari and the Dogs have just hit bottom for the first time this season. Bacardi is telling me that the hair on his back is standing up and that an upset is in air as the Cajun Kitties don't take this down trodden dog as seriously as they should.

I think he could be on to something as the dogs are much better Mutts than they looked last week and I'm still not sold on the solidity of the Feline footballers from the back wood bayous. The Dogs will be protecting their own back yard this Saturday and we're going for the first upset of the season right here.

Larry's Loser – LSU

Auburn at Clemson

This here cat fight could make or break the the momentum that each team has going right now. Both Cats have clawed their way to lots of points this so far this season and neither has proven they can stop the other team from returning the favor. 

Auburn has been luckier than good so far this season and you wonder how many of those nine lives they left in the bag. Clemson is also 2-0 but those were cupcakes in anybody's kitchen, so really we don't know how they'll do against a quality Cat like Auburn.

Could it be that the home field has it's magic this week in this intriguing matchup of this week's Cat show? Bacardi and I think that Chizik's got all the mileage he can out of that rabbit's foot and that this week it'll be his Kitties with the most claw marks on them. 

Larry's Loser – Auburn

Troy at Arkansas

The men of Troy march into Hog Heaven and think their shiny helmets, shields and swords will scare the Razorbacks into submission this Saturday. But Bobby Petrino's Piggies know that once they march in the mire of the Pig pen, that nothing will be shiny too long.

These Hogs are hoping for more than just a respectable season this year and see these foes as just another easy step toward the real games that are ahead.

You don't fight a Razorback in his mud and expect to come out without a tusk in your tail a time or two and that'll be the case all day long for these Trojans.

Larry's Loser – Troy

North Texas at Alabama

Now this school isn't a whole state school like Kansas. They aren't a make believe state like East Carolina. They aren't even a whole city like the Memphis Tigers. This is suburb team at best and they're playing a flagship school of the SEC in their home stadium. 

The only thing mean about this team of Mean Green is their sores after such contests.

Consider this a week of the tusked ones from Tuscaloosa as they prepare for this Piggies from Arkansas the following week. Did you really have to read this to guess the loser?

Larry's Loser – North Texas

Well folks, that's it for this week. Everyone at the Larry's Loser office is headed on holiday on scuba dive in the waters of the Gulf of Mexico and maybe we can find some sunken treasure so the only gold we have won't be picks we provide publicly practically every week.

Till next week, may you always find what you're looking for, so look for the best and you'll find it, look for the worst and you'll find that too. Life's too short to settle, so look for the best and find your own treasure and may your team not wind up on Larry's list too many times in the future.