The Postgame Tailgate: Week 2 High School Yearbook Superlatives

On a college football Saturday double-stuffed with exciting endings and unspeakably dull beginnings and middles, moments and stories seemed to be either the greatest or worst thing that’s ever happened. With that sort of shortsighted, hyperbolic attitude in mind, please accept Week 2’s Postgame Tailgate: High School Favorites Edition (some categories found in my actual high school yearbook).

Most Spirited

Michigan Fans – Did you realize the game was UNDER THE LIGHTS? Wait wait, I don’t think you got that. Michigan was playing (got it…) Notre Dame (right…) at night (yeah…) and it was under stadium lights at Michigan Stadium (WAIT WHAT).

Actually, the scene was pretty awesome, but really, it had to have been to get any sort of volume from Wolverine fans.

Least Spirited

West Virginia’s First Half vs. Norfolk State – Down 12-10 at the break to a team that went 6-4 in the MEAC last year, the Mountaineers looked confused about how to finish drives. The two quarters weren’t even worth a single flaming ottoman.

Most Athletic

Denard Robinson (Michigan QB) – Well, yeah.

Melvin Ingram (South Carolina DL) – The Gamecock DT scored on a fake punt run, a scoop-and-score fumble return, and he recovered an onside kick as a member of the hands team. If you’re wondering what’s about to haunt Mark Richt’s dreams this week (other than treasonous headphones), I’ll bet it rhymes with FAT GUY TOUCHDOWNS.

Least Athletic

Matt McGloin (Penn State QB) – One of 10 of McGloin’s passes against Alabama found its way to the awaiting hands of a teammate. Even Garrett Gilbert sent McGloin a “keep your head up” text last night.

Cutest Couple

Brandon Weeden and Justin Blackmon (Oklahoma State QB, WR) – After demolishing Arizona with an alarmingly efficient first-half passing attack (22 of 23 passes completed to start the game), Weeden and Blackmon appear to be the nation’s most in-tune QB-WR duo. At this point, they’re so used to each other that they’re practically (together) FINISHING EACH OTHER’S SENTENCES!!

Ugliest Couple

Purdue and Indiana – Not that the race for the Old Oaken Bucket is ever particularly exciting, but the Hoosier State’s representatives in the Big Ten are 1-3, with the lone win a last-minute Purdue squeaker against Middle Tennessee State and the three losses coming against Rice, Ball State, and Virginia. By 2013, Jim Delaney may casually answer a reporter’s question with, “I don’t know how to answer that...I don’t even know what an Indiana or a Purdue is. Next question."

Best Dressed

Arizona State – I’m still not completely in on the faded number coloring, but the helmets and new Maserati-ish pitchfork/trident on the all-black palette worked quite well. Plus, it gave ASU students an opportunity to be a little less ASU-y when they’d talk about “blacking out” on Friday, so there’s that plus, too.

Worst Dressed

Penn State – Once and forever your reigning champ. I should clarify: it’s not the traditional blue-and-white color scheme with blank helmet that’s unfortunate, it’s how much slower an already plodding offense looks wearing plain colors that keeps Penn State forever atop this category.

Most Likely to Succeed

De’Anthony Thomas (Oregon RB/WR) – The true freshman slotback reportedly turned down a defensive offer from USC to carry the ball at Oregon. After a brief bout of the fumbles against LSU, the young Duck did a lot of everything yesterday against Nevada. Looking back, offense was probably the wise choice.  

Least Likely to Succeed

Oregon State (alleged college football team) – What’s worse, being shut out on national TV or simply losing to an unremarkable FCS team? I don’t even know the answer, but whatever it is, it doesn’t involve rotating QBs.

Most Accident Prone

Missouri – It’s almost like there’s a reason double-icing your own kicker hasn’t caught on yet, Gary Pinkel. Also, a newly jolly Mack Brown just heard me type “double-icing” and suddenly became intrigued with where I was going with that sentence.

Biggest Flirt

Washington State – Though their games have come against two sub-par programs, the Cougars lead the nation in scoring, and are led by a QB who was slotted to be a backup when the season began. Could a team that won three total games the past two years affect the Pac-12 North race? Hard to say, but the Cougs have got me feeling vulnerable…

Best Personality

Bronco Mendenhall – Even though his Cougars lost in Austin to Texas, there’s something pleasantly endearing about a coach who casually shows up for nationally televised game in a workout T-shirt. Also, the fact that ESPN only sort of knows his name adds to his general likability quotient.

Worst Personality

Notre Dame’s Fourth-Quarter Defense – It’s reasonable to believe that, because of Denard Robinson’s legs, Notre Dame couldn’t just play Michigan straight up. It’s also stands to reason that Notre Dame account for players wearing darker uniforms than their own. We’re three backbreaking Irish losses away from Brian Kelly plunging his own mouth like Ace Ventura during a postgame press conference.

And on that weirdest of notes... on to Week 3, which will probably be the best Week 3 ever this year! 

Dan Rubenstein co-hosts The Solid Verbal college football podcast and can be followed on Twitter here.