College Football 2011: The 10 Worst Traditions in College Football
Arguably one of the aspects that makes college football unique in American sports is that every single program—from the small Division III schools to the Ohio States, USCs and Auburns of the world—are filled with pomp, pageantry and tradition.
While countless traditions in college football deserve of praise, an ever-increasing number of "traditions" have come to annoy—or downright upset—many people.
Many of these "traditions" aren't really traditions at all.
For instance, if an alumnus from 10 or 15 years ago can't identify it, has never heard of it or never saw it when they were in school, it shouldn't be called a tradition.
Webster defines tradition as an inherited, established or customary pattern of thought, action or behavior.
So, by definition, traditions cannot be "new" and they can't be "started."They only become traditions after a long process of repetition that ingrains the event into the social fabric of the team's fan base.
One must also recognize that most of these traditions are beloved by the fans that participate or observe them each autumn Saturday.
It's fair to believe that if your team's particular tradition appears on this list, you will wholly and passionately disagree with its inclusion herein.
Regardless, the tradition is still here, and you'll have to find a way to cope.
With that in mind, let's explore the 10 worst "traditions" in college football.
10. The Seven Nation Army—Penn State & Ohio State
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A number of schools have begun to offend the ears with this inexplicable tradition, but the two most known are Ohio State and Penn State.
To the Buckeye nation: You have one of the best bands in the nation. In fact, you call it the Best Damn Band in the Land.
If that is really the case—and you really, truly believe that—why would you ever play music over a PA system at Ohio Stadium?
In all fairness, I have heard the band play the seven notes over and over and over again.
But again, if the BDBITL is really as it claims to be, shouldn't a song with only seven notes be a little beneath them?
And this song is now bemoaned by so many fan bases, it really isn't identifiable with any one team any more.
Heck, it's not even identifiable with a single team in the Big Ten. Both Buckeyeburg and Paternoville drone on with this annoying, repetitive song.
Enough already.
While we're on the subject of Ohio State, we'd like to take this time to remind Ohio State that you are "Ohio State," not "Ohio."
Unless you're changing your colors to green and white and changing your name to the Bobcats, you're not "Ohio."
You don't hear Michigan State fans calling themselves Michigan, do you? What about Oregon State, or Florida State, or Oklahoma State or Indiana State?
9. Lil' Red—Nebraska
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First things first—a program like Nebraska should look into spending a little more than $20 on its mascot costume.
Lil' Red looks like he should be on a street corner advertising a new donut shop or fast food dive, not representing one of the great, proud college football programs in all the nation.
The costume itself also has no range of motion. The only thing this mascot can do is walk or waddle back and forth and bob up and down.
As if the fact that the quality looks like it was purchased at the Lincoln K-Mart wasn't bad enough, the actual look of the guy's (kid's?) face is a little...creepy.
Maybe the Cornhuskers should be called the Nebraska Children of the Corn with this thing representing them.
Seriously, Nebraska? A blow-up doll?
8. Running Through Anything Inflatable
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In the spirit of the last selection, we're going to stay on the same track.
Since we're getting rid of inflatable objects, it's probably only fair to get rid of the tired old habit of running out onto the field through a inflatable helmet, mascot head or carnival moonwalk bouncy thing.
Granted, at one time, inflatable helmets/mascots were at the height of popularity and on the cutting edge of technology.
But the '70's are over, man!
And if the NFL is doing it, it's probably all sorts of wrong.
.jpg?w=256 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
7. The Stanford Tree
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Stanford students are supposed to be smart, right?
Heck, even the football players are supposed to be smart, at least according to former head coach Jim Harbaugh.
So, explain why Stanford has an odd, dopey-looking tree roaming the sidelines.
Hey, Jim. Even those "borderline dummies" at Michigan know enough to not have a cartoony dope wandering the sidelines.
6. Jump Around—Wisconsin
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Again, we're back to blaring recorded music over a PA system at a college football game.
There's a difference between college football game atmospheres and NFL game atmospheres. Fans of college football like it that way. So let's keep it that way.
Besides, who thought it would be a good idea to cram as many people as possible into as small a space as possible, and then have them all start jumping?
I know it gets cold in Madison, but that's why we invented coats.
5. Walk of Champions—Ole Miss
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When was the last time a champion actually walked at Ole Miss?
It was 1962. Not before, not since.
Those guys are in their 70s now. Better have some canes and walkers ready.
Enough with the "We won a championship a half century ago."
It's a little too much like Al Bundy in his late 40s, desperately clinging to his high school football glory days that nobody but he remembers.
4. Running Ralphie—Colorado
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When the NCAA decided to ban live mascots from this year's basketball tournament, it really got the Butler fans all riled up.
And rightfully so. After all, the dog just sort of sat there, got an occasion scratch behind the ears and watched the games from a pretty good seat.
Compare that to other live mascots the NCAA ignores.
At Colorado, they actually get a 2,000-pound beast to run across the football field. Who thought this was a good idea?
First off, it's a little surprising no one has been killed yet. Secondly, if you weighed 2,000 pounds like Ralphie, you would also probably only run when angry or scared.
Ralphie's probably a bit of both.
Not to get all "animal rights-y," but this is one tradition that is probably past its prime.
3. Geaux Tigers—LSU
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This one is pretty simple.
"Geaux" would most likely be pronounced "jo" in France, not "go."
Secondly, "geaux" doesn't mean anything. In any language.
"Allons" (let's go) would be more appropriate.
And while we're at it, "Laissez les bon temps rouler" doesn't translate very well into French. Idioms don't translate well into foreign languages. That's why they're idioms.
2. Rolling the Corner—Auburn
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As any teenage boy can tell you, toilet-papering something is an American rite of passage.
But part of the mystique surrounding TP-ing something is the inherent risk of getting caught and punished (usually by spending hours cleaning up the offending white streamers).
Throwing toilet paper over trees (and everything else) is usually considered a sign of disrespect, or, at the very least, an annoying prank.
Leave it to Auburn fans to turn annoyance into a time-honored tradition.
On a side note, it is fairly universally agreed that Harvey Updyke, the person who allegedly poisoned the 130-year-old oaks at Toomer's Corner, should spend a good, long time in prison should it be proved he is guilty.
1. The Hokey-Pokey—Virginia Tech
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Does anything really need to be said about this?
.jpg?w=480 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
