Notre Dame Football's Return To Glory: Let's Pull a Boise

Having no other real purpose in life, I recently wrote what I thought was a mildly amusing article, begging the Georgia Bulldogs to beat Boise State in the 2011 season opener.

Big mistake.

Georgia fans loved it, while Boise State fans plotted furiously to poison my trees.

I only wrote the article for the express purpose that for just one moment I could enjoy my beer without hearing ESPN college football analyst (Insert Analyst Here) tell me every minute of every day all season long: “On a neutral field, that Boise State team can beat anybody.”

It makes me really tired, and I don’t start out with a lot of energy to begin with.

But how did it come to this? How did Boise State rise from its 1996 Division I infancy to become an alleged national college football power as a once-proud Notre Dame program has purportedly faded into mediocrity?

The Boise State Bandwagon

It’s all about the wins baby, and we all know Boise State football is a winner.

In 2006, they beat Oklahoma 43-42 in an OT bowl thriller to make everyone a believer.

For a more recent history lesson, from 2008 to 2010, Boise’s record is an unbelievably gaudy 38-2 (.950). In that time, Boise has been to three straight bowl games and won two, including a win in their only BCS appearance during that span.

They are an awesome program. Head Coach Chris Petersen is a genius. Their system is unstoppable. Boise State is pounding down the door to a national title.

We all hear it.

And mark my words, if Boise beats Georgia and wins out this season, it will take a thirty foot steel wall manned with the latest in military hardware to keep this juggernaut out of the national title game.

The Notre Dame Bandbox

In stark contrast, we all know Notre Dame football is not a winner, not anymore.

Notre Dame’s record is not 38-2 since 2008. We had our second loss by the sixth game of 2008 with 15 more to come. We are barely treading above .500 over the last three years at 21-17 (.553), with nary a sniff of the BCS. We didn’t even go to a bowl in 2009.

The negative commentary never ceases. Notre Dame is a mediocre program. Head Coach Brian Kelly is just the next in a long line of coaching failures.

Kelly’s system isn’t going to work. Notre Dame is on the verge of disappearing from the college football landscape altogether.

Sports bars and man-caves across the country echo the growing whispers of the ND discontent.

We all hear it.

If we win eight games in 2011 it’ll be a miracle. According to reliable sources, a title game for ND will require a two year NCAA bowl ban of at least 70 other teams, maybe more.

Our deep pocket alumni are reportedly working feverishly behind the scenes, greasing just the right palms with big time money to make it happen as we speak.

Buying the Boise Hype

So when I foolishly wrote an article that said that an undefeated Boise State shouldn’t be in the national title game over a one-loss SEC team, or any undefeated BIG 12, BIG 10 or PAC 10 team, I expected a heated debate. As expected, the Boise faithful responded in the most rational manner known to Idaho.

They told me Boise State would flat out kick Notre Dame’s ass any day of the week.

My offhand response was, “You may be right, but that still doesn’t mean Boise deserves a shot at the national championship.”

To which the angry Boisian (Boiseanian? Boisenafia?) masses deftly countered: “Boise State would flat out kick Notre Dame’s ass any day of the week.”

The second time you tell me you’ll kick my ass, I notice. So this time, I thought about it. I thought as deeply as only half a case of Guinness can make me think, and you know what?

I’m not buying it.  

The Stockrahm Epiphany

You see, about the fifth beer, a funny thing happened on the way to my conclusion.

I looked at the facts.

It’s no secret that Boise’s schedule is typically an annual 12 pack of College Football Light.

It’s an ingenious mix of scheduling nobody, then playing them.

It bears some explaining what an absolute disgrace the Boise State schedule really is. To stack their massive pile of 36 regular season wins from and after 2008, Boise had to get past three loss Oregon teams in 08’ and 09’, along with a three loss Virginia Tech team in 2010.

Three pretty tough outs in three years. Not the toughest outs, but give Boise credit.

No more credit is needed for the rest of this recent dynasty. Boise’s other 33 regular season wins since 2008 include 23 victories against the eight other Western Athletic Conference teams.  

WAC-KY FACT: Those other eight WAC teams were 0-22 against non-conference top 25 teams. Yes, you got that right. For the last three years, the rest of Boise’s entire conference has zero wins in twenty-two tries against anybody good.

You have to like the spunk in a conference that rarely plays a non-conference team with a pulse, but luckily, when they do, they have the common decency to lie down and stay out of the way.

Of course, don’t forget to add to that veritable gauntlet of terror Boise’s remaining non-conference line up of two 5-7 teams (Tulsa and Oregon State), 3-9 Wyoming, two non-FBS teams and four MAC schools (including 1-11 Miami, Ohio).

Toss in a 7-6 Southern Miss team to actually raise the bar and you have 33 of the last 36 regular season wins against absolutely nobody.

The Boise State recipe for success? One medium ranked team near start of year, add bagful of marshmallows, wait for polls to set and VOILA!!! BCS BUSTER!!!

Notre Dame Has It All Wrong

Which brings me to my point. As Notre Dame fans, we’ve got this thing all wrong. We don’t need to return to glory, we’re already there....we just need to put it on our schedule.

Case in point, over Boise’s last three years of complete football domination, every single time we play the same team big bad Boise does, oddly enough, we seem to kick their ass too.

In 2008, 12-1 Boise beat Hawaii 27-7. A 7-6 Notre Dame team beat the Warriors 49-21.

In 2009, 14-0 Boise beat Nevada 44-33. A 6-6 Notre Dame team beat the Wolfpack 35-0.

In 2010, 12-1 Boise beat Utah 26-3. An 8-5 Notre Dame team beat the Utes 28-3.

You see, it’s not that we’re bad; we’re just playing the wrong teams.

What Must Be Done

So what can we do? It’s obvious. Quit wasting time with finding a good coach and recruiting better players.

We play either MSU or Pitt (not both) in the opener, whichever is ranked in the pre-season top 25, and then play out the balance of our schedule against local area high school teams until we see what BCS bowl we’re going to.

That’s how you become a true BCS champion.

Which is why I wonder what in hell AD Jack Swarbrick was thinking scheduling MSU, Michigan, Miami, Stanford, Oklahoma, Pitt, BC, Navy, Purdue and USC in 2012?

Is he under the delusion that we might actually want to earn a BCS title, or is he just high?

I mean really, what self-respecting ND fan is remotely interested in playing regular season games we could possibly lose?

You don’t see Boise State pulling that crap.

Hell, frankly, I’d like to know why we didn’t join the WAC now that Boise has shunned sissy conferences like the PAC 10 and the BIG 12 and moved on to the mighty Mountain West to do battle with the intimidating likes of Wyoming, Colorado State,  UNLV, New Mexico and other real power programs.

I for one am going to call Jack Swarbrick right now and get some damn answers.

If we must play good teams, then at least maybe I can convince him to schedule Boise State, or if at all possible, accept any bowl invitation that has Boise on the dance card.

If we can't pull a Boise, we can at least beat one.