Michigan-Illinois Produces Another Epic Fan Experience

For the past four years my friend Alex and I have made it a point to go to one Michigan football game per season. We started the tradition off with a bang.

Somebody had given us tickets to the first game of the 2007 season against Appalachian State, because obviously it was going to be an easy win for the Wolverines. After all, that’s why they schedule cupcake games, right?

Well, unless you have been dead or watching Canadian football for the past four years, you know that the game was anything but an easy win. Appalachian State strapped up and upset the Wolverines at the Big House and essentially ushered in the beginning of the end. Actually, they ushered in the beginning of Rich Rodriguez, but some people would argue that there’s no difference. 

The next year we got ourselves tickets to the game against Michigan State and witnessed State beat Michigan at the Big House for the first time since 1990.

The year after that, we scored tickets to the last game of the season against Ohio State. Nothing memorable really happened that game, but I do remember that Michigan got their butts kicked.

Saturday we decided to go to the Michigan vs. Illinois game, and let me tell you, our tradition of epic games really held true.

OK, first off to call this game a “game” is truly an understatement. Both teams combined to score 132 points for a grand total of 1,251 yards of offensive football. Let me repeat: both teams combined to score 132 points and 1,251 total yards. Sure it took them all of three overtimes to achieve that, but the point is that there are some NBA teams that are looking at that score trying to remember the last time they scored 80 (here’s looking at you, Auburn Hills). 

I think it might be impossible to classify this as a game. It was more of an experience. Scratch that: it was more like having a heart attack while trying to climb Mt. Everest.  

The game started off with Denard Robinson completing a 75-yard touchdown pass to Roy Roundtree on Michigan’s first play from scrimmage. That took all of 14 seconds to accomplish. It was so quick that the pilots doing the flyover were probably fortunate enough to catch the play. Meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out how to squeeze myself into the hobbit-sized section of bleacher that the ticket said was mine and at the same time not sit on the lap of the old-timer next to me. 

By halftime the game was tied at 31. I looked around at the crowd and wondered how anybody had any energy left to survive the second half. In fact, the only people who seemed to have any energy were prancing around in Michigan’s defensive huddle.

Honestly it seemed like they took the field in 35-second intervals. The offense would go down and score, kick it off, and the defense would run out rip roaring and ready to go. Four plays later Illinois would be in the end zone, and I would look down to see if defensive coordinator Greg Robinson had been fired yet.

Now give credit where credit is due. The defense did come up with a few key stops, especially on the two-point conversion to win the game. It’s not like Illinois defense was the second coming of the Steel Curtain themselves, but to be a major college football program and give up 65 points to a team not named Oregon is just embarrassing. Moving on...

Somewhere around the fourth quarter I awoke from a coma to realize that this epic score fest was apparently too much for Denard Robinson to handle as well. I looked out on the field just in time to see No. 5, Tate “Tater Tot” Forcier, heroically gallivant his way onto the field. I assumed Denard’s shoe laces were flopping just a little bit too perilously in the wind, and somebody snapped his leg off, but either way it was Tater Tot Time! 

Tate actually stepped in very admirably and lead the team down the field and back into the game. Darryl Stonum made a clutch diving grab with 4:06 left on the clock to help tie the game at 45. One crappy Illinois drive and a Forcier interception later we found ourselves facing the possibility of overtime. Finally the clock hit zero, and we were all able to take a breather. 

The first overtime went well for both teams, as they were both able to punch in touchdowns. Illinois started the second overtime of with a bang with a 25-yard touchdown pass from Nathan Scheelhaase to running back Mikel Leshoure on a wide-open wheel route right off the bat. Interestingly enough, they had hooked up on the same exact play earlier in the game, and both times no Michigan defender was within 10 yards of Leshoure.

I have a feeling that Michigan might wanna watch a little bit of film on that one.  

Finally, the third and thankfully last overtime dawned on us. Forcier made a few good rush plays and was aided by two personal fouls on Illinois on one play. The penalties brought them to a first-and-goal on the one, and eventually Michael Shaw was able to punch in the score.

Being that it was the third overtime, by rule the teams now must go for two after scoring a touchdown. Forcier rolled out to his right and found Junior Hemingway for two. Hemingway was an absolute beast all game and made some tremendous athletic plays, so it was fitting for him to haul in that two-point conversion.  

Now everything rested on the shoulders of Michigan’s revered defense. I think everybody in the stadium took a collective groan, and a few might have fainted. To nobody’s surprise, Illinois went in to score a touchdown in four plays, but the Illini still had to convert the two. To everybody’s surprise though, Michigan came with a hard blitz right up the middle, and Illinois was hung out to dry. Michigan’s defense actually came up with a stop when it mattered, and the win made them bowl eligible.  

“Capital One Mashed Potato Bowl,” here we come!

Honestly this was absolutely exhausting experience. I can’t believe that we made it out of there alive. By the start of the fourth quarter people were hunched over gasping for breath. I swear I heard a public service announcement that implored us to quickly usher all of the women and children out of the stadium. I saw a few people stroke out during the overtimes, and I was having massive panic attacks all the way through. Thankfully it was Armed Services Appreciation Day, so we were able to air lift out some of the elderly before the bright light overtook them.  

In the end of the day, Michigan found a way to get a much-needed win, and Alex and I found ourselves smack dab in the middle of another epic game. Tradition has always been important at the University of Michigan, and I certainly have appreciated the memories the Big House has given me over the years.

Unfortunately for the Wolverines, a harsh and disturbing reality was hidden beneath the landslide of points, despite the fact that they got the win.  

Michigan’s offense may be prolific and may be able to produce points, but its defense is near disastrous. They may have been able to squeak out a win here against Illinois, but how many more games can they win if they continue to spot their opponent 65 points? 

All joking aside, this was a very entertaining game, and I’m almost positive nobody passed out or had to be air lifted out of the stadium. Guess it was a win-win situation for the Wolverines.

Coach Rodriguez is right: Michigan is an extremely fun team to watch. He'd better start paying a little bit more attention to the other side of the ball though, if he wants to remain at Michigan any longer, because all joking aside, Michigan’s defense is a joke.