Whereas the Texas Rangers are set to go where no Texas Rangers team has gone before; whereas legendary Rangers' minority owner and president Nolan Ryan is a bona fide baseball man, while Dallas Cowboys owner/president/general manager/attention harlot Jerry Jones is a frustrated-but-overmatched head football coach; whereas, the 1-5 Cowboys still delusionally believe they are "a good team"; whereas Ron Washington, grammatically-challenged and homeless-looking though he may be, is a leader of men while Wade Phillips is a leaner on excuses; and whereas this is my blog and I will dadgum well do as I please, I hereby declare the SilverandBlueblood website the Red-Shoed Rangers site for a day.
So, forget football. Let's talk World Series. More specifically, let's talk Dallas (I know the Rangers are in Arlington, but you know the drill: This is Dallas) versus San Francisco, DFW versus the Bay Area. A generation ago, that would mean Cowboys versus the 49ers.
My, how the times have changed.
Which city boasts the best baseball team, or, as Ron Washington likes to say, "The team that played the best on that day," will be decided over the next few days. But which city is best? Well, I will decide that, thank you very much.
Why? Because I can, and because I am highly qualified to do so.
I am a native Texan, born in Abilene, raised in Mineral Wells, married in Arlington, living in Grand Prairie. However, I lived an hour from San Francisco in the '80s. I spent many a happy and carefree summer day freezing my butt off by the bay.
Frisco is a world-class city. There is no denying that. It is one-of-a-kind. It has mystique, beauty and charm. Dallas, conversely, is a town of true grit, a go-getter's paradise. Dallas rises out of the north Texas prairie like a silver-and-chrome debutante emerging from a covered wagon.
The people in San Francisco have that weird, eclectic vibe that says "We're cool, and we don't even have to mention it. You know it." Dallas people are busy adding that third-car garage to their suburban mansion that they may have to abandon soon if Obama isn't stopped.
The girls in Dallas are definitely more attractive than the drag queens in SF, but the hippies down in the Haight-Ashbury district are more laid back than the gangsters in South Dallas or the uptight yuppies in North Dallas.
San Francisco has Pier 39; Dallas has the Trinity River. San Francisco has Lombard Street; Dallas recently got Cesar Chavez Drive (or Street or Way or whatever), after much wrangling. San Francisco has Ghirardelli Chocolate; Dallas has Frito-Lay.
San Francisco is wine country; Dallas is Dr. Pepper Nation.
San Francisco has the Golden Gate Bridge; Dallas has the George Bush Turnpike. San Francisco is the heart of the Silicon Valley; Dallas is the heart of the most recession-proof economy in the nation.
San Francisco is the bastion of liberalism; Dallas is the adopted home of President George W. Bush for a reason.
San Francisco has Joe Montana; Dallas has Roger Staubach. Each city's NFL team has won five Super Bowls, but the 49ers still suck. Right, Cowboys fans?
If you want beauty and charm, go to San Francisco. If you need a job, come to Dallas.
Maybe the deciding factor is sister cities: San Francisco has the misfortune of being just a bay bridge away from that toilet known as Oakland, while Dallas has the western charm and artsy grace of beautiful Fort Worth for its prairie mate. Oakland has Al Davis; Fort Worth has "Hell's Half-Acre." The former appears to have spent a few years in the latter.
In the end, give me a piece of San Francisco sourdough bread to go with my Texas barbecue, and I am happy. (Well, that and the knowledge that we have the better baseball team here in Texas.)