Retiring a Legend -- The Bobby Cox Phenomenon

Does switching to Geiko really save you money on your car insurance?  Has Bobby Cox been thrown out of more games than any manager in MLB history?

With Bobby Cox’s retirement at the end of this season (end of this week?), it’s about time to review what the man has meant to the game.

Along with four pennants and one World Series victory, he’s the all-time record holder for being ejected.  That’s in the history of baseball; probably the history of humankind, since ejections aren’t really an element of many other jobs. 

What’s that, Crawford, you’re mouthing off to me about your merit-based pay bonus again?!  That’s it, I’ve had enough – you’re outta here!  Go home and come back tomorrow when you’re more a model middle management drone.”

I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen . . . but not positive since I don’t know Crawford. 

No, Bobby Cox is number one.  And he became number one three years ago, so he’s padded his stats a little bit. 

And if you didn’t know this factoid, it might surprise you.  For there were much more dramatic managers garnering attention throughout their careers.  Billy Martin, Lou Piniella, and Tommy Lasorda made a scene when they got tossed out the game; volatile, theatrical, but Bobby Cox was rarely as broad as they were, and routinely kept his anger at an even keel, sometimes displaying none at all; but you could always count on him getting tossed.  As they say between the foul lines, “Nothing is definite except death, taxes, and Bobby Cox getting tossed by an umpire.” 

One thing you can say is he’s consistent.  It leads me to wonder how one manager can be so upset at any umpire at any given time.  I mean, maybe the first time – “Oh my God!  How could he have missed that call?!  It was so obvious!”  But after realizing that umpires miss a call or two, or a hundred, you might think, “Perhaps, this isn’t such a hard thing to believe.”

What could you possibly say to an umpire after your hundredth ejection?  “Okay, okay, forget what I said before.  THIS is the worst call I’ve ever seen!”  And then on your hundred and first early shower, “I lied . . . THAT was nothing compared to THIS ONE!”

I think “Are you blind?” becomes kinda boring.  “Well, how did you see that play?” is a little too diplomatic.  “I wanna know who you’re [expletive deleted] to get this job!” is too rude.  Though I will always love Tom Hanks’ Jimmy Dugan in “A League of Their Own” asking the ump, “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a penis with a hat on it?” 

But who can be that creative all the time; certainly not without celebrated Hollywood writers Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel scripting things.  That’s why Piniella, et al. took to throwing bases around.  There’s nothing you need to say there.  It’s like being a menu writer.  There are only so many ways you can describe with flowery adjectives the consistency of cous cous. 

Braves third baseman Chipper Jones seems to think that there was a Bobby Cox phenomenon, a method to Bobby’s madness – that is, Cox got tossed in order to motivate his team.  It’s what Gene Hackman did in “Hoosiers” to force Dennis Hopper to coach.  Of course, anything that worked in a movie must be solid strategy. 

I recently went to a Dodgers-Mets game where the seats were so good, Mets right fielder Angel Pagan almost killed me by airmailing several warm up throws over the ball boy’s head into the stands.  They were also good enough to see a play as closely as an umpire. 

Mets Manager (er, that’s ex-Mets Manager) Jerry Manual came out to argue a call that was close to the naked eye, but as we’d see on the replay later, wrong and so he began with a spirited discussion.  When the umpire turned his back and walked away from him, Manual followed, still in the game at that point.

Perhaps at that point, the discussion shifts from baseball to more relationship-oriented in nature. 

“Don’t you turn your back on me!  Well, I never!” 

“Well, maybe you should!” 

“How dare you?!” 

“Good day, sir!” 

“Don’t you --!” 

 “I said good day!” 

The umpire’s always going to have the last word even if you mention his mother before disappearing into the clubhouse. 

And then what would mention of his mother do?  Don’t you think he might hold that inside to blow a call against your team, if only subconsciously.  “That’ll teach him to make fun of my mama!” 

But Bobby Cox made a career out of it and was still one of the most successful managers of all-time, winning the NL East fourteen out of fifteen years in a row.  So he must’ve known how to do it right.  The man worked hard.  He deserves a shower, but not an early one, but rather one that’s right on time.