Mon Dieu! France Are Useless: 2010 World Cup Day Six Recap

What a day for the World Cup! Argentina were brilliant, France certainly weren't, and Greece won their first game in World Cup history.

1) Allez Les Bleus - Out of the World Cup

France's warcry was taken up by my cousins four years ago on a drunken night out in London, but the only place the French team can go jump is in the toilet—especially after their 2-0 beating by Mexico. Because, quite frankly, they are toilet .

Let's put this in perspective: New Zealand, Slovenia, and Japan (one goal each) have scored more goals in 90-odd minutes than France has scored in 180-odd (none). Heck, South Korea (three) have scored more goals than France. And what makes it worse? There is so much talent. Ribery was the only person out there making any effort tonight.

2) Light the Sombreros, Mexico are coming!

Backed by a raucous crowd who—and we can only thank God for this—drowned out the sound of those bloody awful vuvuzelas, Mexico were by far the better team than France, despite having less "big name" players. Their goals were well taken, their attacking ability was fun to watch, and they played like a team—three things the French didn't do.

3) Argentina - the Pick of the tournament so Far

Diego Maradona might have been one of the greatest players to walk the earth, but he's an arrogant so-and-so managing, and he knows it.

But he's also got the team that can make him a World Cup winner. Messi, Tevez et al. ripped apart South Korea all day long, and he has a predator in Higuain, who perhaps had one of the luckier hat-tricks in world football this year in the 4-1 victory. That might take James Cameron's throne as "King Of The World." These boys can play—going forward. Defensively, it's another matter...

4) South Korea: Not Dogs Anymore

The world's most famous dog-eaters were favored to lose against Argentina, and they certainly didn't need the help of one of their defenders to poke home the opening goal.

After they pulled things back to 2-1 on half time, they battered Argentina for around 15 minutes, and should have made it 2-2. Then their hearts broke and they fell apart. But we'll be rooting for them to get through the second round. Why? Because for their style of football, they deserve it.

5) Greece

News just in: The celebrations in Athens have had to stop because it's raining thunderbolts from the top of Mount Olympus. Zeus and Co. got very happy after Dionysus brought the booze to the party. Ares is busy in Iraq and Afghanistan. Poseidon's working out hurricane season. Atlas sent his apologies—he's got the world on his shoulders.

And here's some other news: Greece scored their first two goals—and win—in World Cup Finals history. Funny, for such a boring side. Here's to them not going through, eh?

6) Nigeria

It was all going so well for Nigeria until Saini Kaita's insane sending-off in the latter part of the first half. They were on the back foot for a large part of the rest of the game, and lost 2-1. They'll be furious, because they are better than this. In a word: ouch.