The Final Chapter: 2008 and 2009 Chicago Cubs

Sometimes I wonder if my years of rooting for the Cubs have actually harmed me. Rooting for the Cubs forces you to look at each windfall with a critical eye and not committing to the Indian, as a certain Blackhawks official once said. No team ever starts at the top, and all teams build to win consistently.

In an alternate universe, Boy George has won five or six Grammys, Michael Jordan is a hall of fame baseball player, Jason Voorhies rescues teenagers, and the Cubs have won multiple rings, while the Yankees just had their first playoff series in fourteen years.

Sadly, we're in THIS universe, and in this universe the Chicago Cubs have watched their bats turn into wet noodles against the Arizona Diamonbacks. For those who care,the Red Sox won their second World Series in 2007, their second in four years, leading the Cubs into 2008 with questions that could not be answered with a sweep of the magic wand.

First, Mark Prior's career in Chicago, which had started with such great promise, finally came to an infuriating end when he signed with the Padres.

Here's an honest question: If Mark Prior has a Dusty Baker voodoo doll, would anyone be surprised? Sometimes I look at Dusty Baker and ask how the G.M of the Reds, who for some reason I keep thinking is Wayne Krivsky though I'm sure I remember him being fired, can trust Dusty with Homer Bailey, but then again the Reds need no help from Dr. Salvador (Chris Gruler, anyone?)

Jacque Jones was shown the door in a move that later came back to haunt the Cubs in the worst possible way, but NOT in 2008. Since I need to give voice to my intense rage about the 2009 season, let's sum it up in bullet points:

Rich Harden

Ryan Dempster

Soriano, for 17 million, put .280-29-76.

97 wins, most in National League

Right-handed dominated lineup

3-0 sweep by the Dodgers

Your 2008 World Series Champions: Philadelpihia Phillies.

Cubs folded up like an old, bad card table.

------------------------------------2009------------------------

Dan Bernstein, who is half of one of the greatest duos in sports radio history, opened the 2009 free agency period by saying, after hearing that Milton Bradley was being shown interest by Cubbie Blue, that as a sports fan he didn't want Bradley here. But as a talk radio host, he wanted Bradley on the Cubs.

This is because Jim Hendry and a small circle of moronic Cub fans believed that the reason the Cubs did their Iron Mike Sharpe impression against the Dodgers was because they didn't have a lefty in the middle of the order, forgetting that the Dodgers had, and have had for years, a great rotation regardless of the lineup being put on the field against them. Bradley was and is a well-known train wreck.

He's been run off every team he's ever been a member of, he embarrassed himself by injuring himself while arguing with an umpire, he's an extremely selfish player, just an all-around bad guy. And while we're at it, here comes the rant. I've been waiting to lay this one down for about 14 months, and here's the best opportunity to do so.

So Jim Hendry decides, after Bradley has an admitted good year in Texas, to go after this pile of kitty litter because he's a switch-hitter. At about the same time Adam Dunn and Bobby Abreu become free agents.

Adam Dunn loves Wrigley Field. And despite whatever some brain-dead hack sportswriter might think, Dunn is the ultimate protection for DeLee and Aramis Ramirez. See, Dunn draws walks. When he does make contact, he launches the ball.

Adam Dunn in Cubbie Blue would have been...oh, the box scores!! The guy strikes out 120 times a year? He also walks 100 times a year, hits 30-40 homers a season, and he's still a pretty damn good player. That was the number one guy on my wish list.

But no, we can't have him despite years of success. No, the goddamned NATIONALS sign him. THE NATIONALS. Words cannot express my dismay at this.

Wait, there's Bobby Abreu. Yankees don't want him anymore. He'd be a great fit at Wrigley, he could hit third in front of DeLee and Aramis he has a good OBP. He plays some semblance of defense and he'll come cheap...wait, what's that? They signed Bradley? 3 yrs, $33 million dollars?

What kind of idiot are you, Jim Hendry? Your job is not to waste money, it's to win! Milton Bradley is not a winner, he's a tool and an obstruction to winning. And to pay this idiot $33 million dollars when you could have had Dunn for half that that and Abreu for 1/5.

The minute I heard they signed Bradley, I shook my head. Not that I believed Bradley would completely destroy the clubhouse and be a complete scumbag to such a point that the team would win 83 games after everyone-and I mean EVERYONE OUTSIDE OF ST.LOUIS-predicted they would win the division.

But I knew Bradley wouldn't be a good teammate.

Think about this: Cleveland, when they were starved for offense and were forced to play Matt Lawton in right field-they didn't want him.

San Diego would rather stick a combination of Verne Troyer and a cocaine-addled Gary Dourdan out there than keep this jerk in town.

The Dodgers would call Adam Carolla, who just happens to be awesome except at big-league baseball, before they called Bradley's agent. 

So what made Jim Hendry think Mlton Bradley had changed his tune?

Yes, the Cubs stunk. Yes, they lost Ramirez and others to injuries that stunted them, while the Cardinals went Hulk Hogan on them, even finishing with a particularly painful Atomic Leg Drop (acquisition of John Smoltz) while the Cubs sat on ther hands and Kevin Gregg sucked worse than the second Blair Witch movie (not that the first one was any great shakes). But the final straw before the final straw was Bradley.

Cubs fans would tell me his OBP was good, thus he was good. No. That is not how it works. You know what's a good stat: OPS. A good player has an OPS above .800 over a full season. In 124 games, Bradley's was .775. This does not work. 66/95 K/BB ratio is even worse. Milton Bradley was not up there swinging the bat, he was screwing this team when it needed him to hit. The guy wasn't trying. I know when a player puts in real effort, and he didn't give a crap.

Then in the final weeks of the season, he had the nerve to accuse the bleacher fans of racism, yet could not provide a single instance. Jim Hendry suspended him in September. It was too late.

Milton Bradley is a scumbag. You know why we haven't won anything in 100 years? Because we don't go after Adam Dunn's and Bobby Abreu's, we go after clods like him. And he had the biggest possible hand in the destruction of the 2009 Chicago Cubs.

I blame Hendry, I blame Piniella, but most of all I blame myself for getting my hopes up.

Update: I heard from Boers and Bernstein that when Hendry announced Bradley was suspended members of the Cubs cheered. Am I surprised? What do you think?

I'll tell you right now. If Milton Bradley comes back, this team, the 2010 Chicago Cubs, will extend that 101 year old drought to 102. But this article is over because I can't think of ways to express my anger that wouldn't scare little children, and I have other things to write about, such as a certain football team that wears a golden helmet.

This one will not be all that hard to write about, because I'm not a huge ND fan, but in the next one, I'll tell you why none of it surprises me.